Friday, September 5, 2008

The Rest Of "25 Things You Didn't Know About TV Chefs"

I’m baaack with the rest of the list of the Top Things You Didn’t Know About TV Chefs, including one very fascinating fact that I promised you.

No. 14 One Famous TV Kitchen Is Museum Quality
Oh, for goodness sake, everyone knows that one. Julia’s kitchen is in the Smithsonian.

No. 13 There’s No Easy Recipe For Becoming A TV Chef
They said there’s not one way to become the next Rachael Ray. THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT! Plus culinary competition shows have become popular. What great insight…

No. 12 Even Iron Chef Judges Have To Watch The Clock
Ted says he takes it very seriously and they are only allowed to discuss the food at the the moment of judging. If they get up from the table, as I guess they have to occasionally in the hours it takes to shoot, the judges are prohibited from conversing about the food. Alton says the entire judging process takes about 2 hours.

No. 11 TV Chefs Always Know What To Say
Mario says he has no teleprompter and no script and he mentions that he has won 970 shows. Is that possible? Is he joshing us? Gordon says his show is real. Emeril says there’s no script. Nigella says it’s quite informal and avoids scripted shows. They obviously have sooo run out of good categories…

No. 10 You’ll Never Catch Rachel (STILL misspelt) Ray In A Chef’s Uniform
This earnest food stylist says, “Some of the people on TV really can’t wear a chef’s jackets, because they’re not chefs.” In classic understatement, she says Rachael Ray is a perfect example of that. Yeah, honey, of that AND the bastardization of the Food Network.

This stylist goes on to tell us that there is a history and honor behind the chef’s jacket and the toque. (RR should wear a skullcap, in that case.) The more pleats in the chef’s hat, the more knowledge and skill the chef has, she said. Others say it signifies the number of ways there are to cook an egg. C’mon, you didn’t know that, did you?

No. 9 Catch Phrases Can Make TV Chefs Even More Popular
WAIT, let me guess: Bam! from Emeril; Bon Appétit from Julia, Yum-O (Yucko) from RR and Pour me another one! from Aunt Sandy.

These are the brilliant ones this show came up with:
Rachael – EVOO
Emeril - Bam!

They’re not even trying!

No. 8 Coming Up With Recipes Is A Team Effort
We already learned that Emeril has 130 people working on Emeril Live. Bobby has a team of 3 people to taste his recipes and help him improve them. Giada has someone to help her test recipes, but she writes them all. And other chefs have other people doing the recipes. THAT is a lame one, but I promise you the exciting one is coming up.

No. 7 For The Right Price, A TV Chef Can Cook For You

Really? The food stylist person says they get an appearance fee of 50 to 100 thousand dollars when they show up to places. I hope tat includes ingredients.

No. 6 Gordon Ramsey Is A Step Ahead Of The Game
Okay, here it is…the big one. I didn’t know this and it’s very impressive. More than his prodigious culinary skills or his wretched television persona, Gordon Ramsey has size 15 feet!!! And you know what they say about that, don’t you? Big Feet… click here.

Now admit it, that was worth waiting for, wasn’t it?

No. 5 It’s Not Just The Heat In The Kitchen For One TV Chef

Oh gosh, they gave Rocco his very own number. THAT is not necessary.

After we followed Rocco for 2 years (was it actually on for 2 whole seasons?), he got sued by his former partner. I’m not sure what took Jeffrey so long. After all, there was weekly proof ON TELEVISION that Rocco wasn’t in the kitchen cooking.

He WAS running things, though --- his hands through his thick mane of hair, or down the back of some model, but cooking? Not so much. His ego was even bigger than his malfeasance. Rocco says they battled over “the vision of the restaurant." It was more that Jeffrey (no shrinking violet himself) wanting an actual restaurant that served actual customers and Rocco wanted a platform for his celebrity.

The food stylist says she knew when she first saw “The Restaurant” that the show wasn’t going to do Rocco any good, because it “was so pushed to the limit TV.” How about because it showed Rocco as a total blowhard? I’m not sure “There’s no such thing as bad publicity” is true.

No. 4 Even The Pros Make A Mess In The Kitchen
Rachael set bread on fire. Oh, I guess that’s where her phobia about toast comes from. Gordon says he’s made thousands of mistakes. He once sent out a duck covered in pastry without the duck. (THAT was a new bit of information.) Giada says when something burns, they laugh AND cry about it. Who can forget (which they don’t mention) Julia always cutting her fingers and the subsequent lampooning on SNL?

No. 3 Jamie Oliver Teaches Kids A Trade
I knew this too. They did give us a fabulous look as Jamie took kids, not destined for much more than the dole, and got them involved in a culinary education which would actually give them a trade. He opened a nonprofit restaurant called Fifteen to give them jobs. Plus they mentioned his campaigning to ban junk food in the schools.

No. 2 For Some Cooking Shows Location Is Everything
How is that a surprise that a travel and cooking show is all about location?!! This really is a knuckleheaded list.

The chefs have a final say on which location they visit. Giada says it’s a collaboration and the producers present her with a list from which to choose. Tony is more brash, “We go where I want to go. We do NOT go where I don’t want to go.” I guess this is what the earlier quote “What’s the one thing Tony Bourdain won’t do on his show?” refers to…

Here we are at number one. DumDeeDumDum…or just plain dumb:

No. 1 TV Chefs Rarely Cook At Home
Bobby says that’s true, that chefs probably order in more than they cook at home. I thought part of Rachael’s shtick was that she always went home…at 10 or 11 at night…and cooked dinner for herself and her husband. Giada says there is NO WAY that she cooks at home after a 15 hour day.

That was a pretty poor list. I can come up with a bunch of much better provocative facts about TV chefs:

Bobby got his start as a male model on New York City subway billboards.
Michael was a typing teacher in Chino, before going into the kitchen.
Nigella and Paul McCartney were involved for years.
Tyler played Bobby’s best friend and Cindy’s first boyfriend on The Brady Bunch.
Ina is secretly a real estate titan and owns the George V Hotel in Paris.

Of course none of those is true, but when did that ever stop anyone from printing anything? AND they’re a whole bunch more interesting than the “facts” on this dumb show.


The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

On number 8, I really think that some cooks don't have enough people on staff. Who is testing the recipes of Sandra Lee and Rachael Ray? I wouldn't want their jobs!

It's not easy to become a TV chef. After I heard the story of how Rachael Ray was "discovered" 100 times, one would think it was the simplest thing in the world. Get a million dollar salary because two or three times in your life you were at the right place at the right time.

Emiline said...

Does that make me an idiot if I believed your facts?
Because I was about to comment on how I watched that episode of the Brady Bunch.


Whoooo, Gordon! MY what big feet you have.

Sue said...

You know, Rachel, I never thought of it that way, but you're right. Plus, there's safety in numbers, so noone would have to take the blame for those lousy recipes.

Yeah RR's initial success was just dumb luck, but even I admit that there's a gargantuan amount of effort, by her and everyone around her, that goes into keeping her known as a cook.

That's funny, I was making up the whole thing. I didn't even know Cindy Brady had a boyfriend.

And, yes, I certainly think differently about Gordon now.