I hate the name of this episode - “Meat Natalie”. I also don’t really want to be reminded of the Restaurant War episode. The brothers were so obnoxious that it gets me annoyed.
There’s no bikini in the opening, so hopefully Jen’s safe. Everyone is tired and defeated sounding. Robin is chatting away.
They arrive in the Top Chef kitchen and Paul Bartolotta is there. The Quickfire Challenge is to make TV dinners based on “iconic” television shows. There’s no apparent reason for this, except to drop the name “TV Guide” as many times as possible. It has nothing to do with Paul Bartolotta and his Italian roots.
At our house, when we were kids, we always thought TV dinners were a huge treat and we only had them if our parents were going out. Take-out in the Stone Age just wasn’t something we did, except VERY rarely.
They have 60 minutes to prepare their dishes. Michael lets drop an interesting tidbit. His mom was a “MOM mom” with dinner on the table at 5:30 every night. But then he says that everything changed when they moved in with their father. AH-HA! Could this childhood trauma be the basis for Michael’s personality disorder? Or should I just say disordered personality?
That’s kind of a shame, though. He continues that he and Bryan had TV dinners at his father’s house “here and there”. So could this whole living-with-his-father thing have to do with why he treats Robin so badly, who is the “mom” of the group? Hmmm.
My goodness, they are all doing so much. They’re including desserts too. How do they do that in 60 minutes?
Kevin tells a darling story about how his family all lives on the same street, including his grandmother. She makes breakfast every morning for the entire family. That’s too sweet.
Jen is having problems. She burns a garlic cream sauce. I really think it’s in her head. And once you lose that confidence, it’s all over.
The chefs serve Padma and Paul on tray tables on a retro couch. Funny.
Jennifer - The Flintstones
Chicken Roulade With Garlic Cream, Pea Salad & Caramelized Peaches
Jen had first looked for some meat on the bone, which would have been apt for the Flintstones. THIS menu has no relation to the show.
Paul looks up at her (remember he’s sitting at a tiny tray table on a low old fashioned sofa) and asks her “How’d you feel in the end?” She hesitates and says, “I feel okay…now.”
Mike I. - Seinfeld
Sausage & Pepper, Mushrooms & Cheese, Warm Fruit Salad With Pine Nuts
Mike claims he’s never seen Seinfeld. Paul is incredulous. So am I and what does this menu have to do with it anyway?
Paul likes the toasted pine nuts.
Kevin - The Sopranos
Braised Meatballs With Polenta, Roasted Cauliflower & Roasted Pear
THIS at least is somewhat reminiscent of the show he’s supposed to be paying tribute to.
Padma: “The cauliflower is really good.”
Eli - Gilligan’s
Macadamia Nut Shrimp With Sweet Potato Puree, Herb Salad, Cherries & Bananas
That’s kind of island-y.
Paul: “Fried nicely.”
Why do we keep seeing Robin looking bothered and kind of shifty, as if she’s secretly added salt to someone's dessert?
Michael V. - Cheers
Chicken Parmesan With Braised Swiss Chard & Cherry Pie
HOW in the world did he have time to make a cherry pie?!!
Robin -
Burger With Egg, Crispy Kale, Carrot Salad & Almond Laced Cookie
She talks way too much about what she did and why she did it.
Paul: “I like the direction and the inspiration for sure.” OH, that must mean that he HATES her food.
Bryan - Mash
Meatloaf, Mashed Potato, Asparagus & Apple Tart Tatin
Padma:” Mmm.” Paul: “Ditto on the Mmmm.”
Losers: Jennifer - “The pea salad was kind of …eh. Also, the roulade didn’t hit the mark for me today.”
And Robin - he thought her burger was dry and the meal wasn’t special.
Winners: Kevin - his concept was “consistent”. Paul liked the meatballs and he LOVED the pears.
The winner is Kevin. A version of his meal will be featured in a new line of Top Chef frozen foods by Schwan’s Home Service. Padma actually said that with a straight face as if that’s a good prize! I never even heard of it. Is it a takeoff on my fav (as a child)...Swanson? Kevin hopes his face will be on the box, so his granny can buy it.
I’m sorry that Chef Bartolotta had to judge this challenge. It had no relevance to him whatsoever.
For the elimination challenge, they’re taking over Tom’s restaurant, CraftSteak. They’ll be serving 4 judges and 7 other people.
Jen is tired and unfocused. Kevin is talking about sous-viding his meat. I really don’t get why they all like to do that so much and what the benefit is. Also it always comes out wrong on Top Chef…or is that TNFNS? No, those folks probably don’t even know what it is.
The chefs go into the kitchen and start grabbing meat and seafood. Jen wrestles live lobsters to get at them.
Tom comes in with Natalie Portman. Mike I. is drooling and Eli says (to us) how much he admired her in Star Wars. He looks more like a trekkie than a Star Wars fan…but whatever.
Natalie says how much she loves to eat, but there’s just one thing. Isn’t there always? She’s a vegetarian. All that meat grabbing was for naught.
Robin says she LOVES cooking vegetarian. Tom says CraftSteak is going vegetarian for one night. Jen and Eli flip for the eggplant. He wins and gets the big eggplants and she gets the tiny ones. I like those better anyway.
Mike I. is sooo full of himself, it’s sickening. He says in his restaurant he has 60 dishes on the menu and over 20 of them are vegetarian. He’s not worried about anything. He’s coming across as a real idiot.
Kevin tells us that he knows how hard to feel satiated with just vegetables because he and his wife stop eating meat during Lent. His goal is make something very satisfying.
Robin goes on about fresh garbanzo beans.
Mike I: “I don’t care what I cook. It don’t make a difference to me,” as if no matter what he cooks, it will be good enough. They are definitely spotlighting him this episode. He has a problem with the boiling water for the leeks. He says he’s used to vegetarian cooking because his mother was a vegan. Oh, that explains it. (Kidding.)
Eli says sometimes he feels sorry for vegetarians, because they end up just being served a vegetable medley. Substitute the word Leper or Illegal Immigrant for Vegetarian to get the feeling of how the chefs are talking about this. Weird.
It’s a little surprising that this seems to be such a challenge. It’s 2009, for goodness sake, and probably by 2015 everyone will be a vegetarian anyway.
I can’t even listen to Michael. He won’t let Robin steal a smidgen of boiling water.
Jen says with great passion, “I have never been a vegetarian and I never ever will be.” She says she does cook vegetarian when she has to.
We see Mike again, cutting into the leeks and seeing that they’re not done. He’s kinda smirks and says, of course, he can pull it off. Okay, it’s pretty clear we’re seeing this for a reason. Naturally Robin’s dish will stink and so will his. Will Mike go home? If they decide the loser based on who smirks the most, then he will go home.
Dinner is served for the judges, Natalie and some of her friends.
Robin
Stuffed Squash Blossom, Beet Carpaccio, Fresh Garbanzo Beans & Chermoula
Padma: “Chermoula has salt. I can feel my ankles swelling.” Natalie says she’s never had fresh garbanzo beans before. Tom says he doesn’t have any and Chef Paul gives him one. Natalie thinks the dish is beautiful to look at. Gale says it has too much salt. Tom says the whole dish was strangely seasoned.
Eli
Confit Of Eggplant, Lentils, Garlic Puree & Radish Salad
Gale loves the texture of the eggplant. Nat likes the salad. Paul:” A very thoughtful presentation.” But he didn’t like the “polarizing” lavender blossom, by which I guess he means that it ruins the taste of everything else.
Michael says he’s much more serious than any of the other chefs there and he hopes the judges appreciate that when they see his food. Gag me!
Michael V.
Asparagus Salad, Japanese Tomato, Sashimi & Banana Polenta
They’re intrigued by the banana in the polenta. “I like that Michael is kind of turning us upside down a bit,” Gale says. Natalie says Michael is Picasso.
Someone says this is the second time that Michael has been called Picasso. Does anyone know the first? I know, I know! It’s here, just do a “control F” and type in Picasso to find where the reference is.
Jennifer
Charred Baby Eggplant, Braised Fennel, Tomatoes & Verjus Nage
Jen serves the sauce separately to each diner with her hand shaking. Natalie whispers that she (Jen) is so nervous. Hush! She’s not doing her any favors by pointing it out!
Gale loves the verjus. Natalie is ever so slightly catty when she says it was slightly dangerous too and imitates Jennifer flinging the sauce all over to get it on the plate. That’s not nice. Leave poor Jen alone.
Gale then says her dish is not that substantial. Paul says it doesn’t stand out. One of the guests says this would be great side dish (next to a steak).
Mike I.
Whole Roasted Leeks With Onion Jus, Baby Carrot Purée And Fingerling Potatoes
Mike opens himself up to criticism by saying he wanted to give them a feel of having a protein. He wanted the leek to LOOK like a scallop, but the general consensus at the table is that that still doesn’t make it a protein.
Artichoke Barigoule, Confit Of Shallot, Wild Asparagus & Fennel Purée
Padma, talking about the garlic blossoms, says they’re like a prick on the end of her tongue. Natalie says don’t say that and so the dirty talk begins.
Padma is continuing to describe something or other and Tom says they went from a little prick to (something) big in your mouth. A guest says, “That’s what usually happens.” Maybe it’s good for
Kevin
Duo Of Mushrooms, Smoked Kale, Candied Garlic & Turnip Purée
Paul says this is richer and feels more like an entrée. Natalie says it’s meaty. “It’s a manly vegetarian meal.”
Michael looks at what
We see a scene with the chefs eating at the Bartolotta restaurant. Kevin tells them about when he ate 130 chicken wings at one sitting. Someone (I didn’t see who) says he didn’t get fat accidentally. Kevin says it was a personal choice. They’re all stuffed and Kevin asks if anyone want to go to the buffet after.
I LOVE that Macy’s commercial, with Lucy, Tim, Jerry, Johnny and Kanye (with his mouth shut).
Padma calls in Kevin, Michael and Eli. As they walk in, Kevin says Eli is going to ask them if they called his name by accident. The judges were really impressed with Michael’s dish. Tom says it reminds him of why you have to keep an open mind about dishes, because he thought the banana in the polenta would be weird.
Gale thought Eli’s dish was beautiful. Tom says it was interesting and fun.
Natalie says Kevin’s dish was wonderful. Tom says it was a mouthful of flavor.
And the winner is…Kevin! Natalie says his dish showed inventiveness and cohesive flavor.
Kevin wins a suite of GE appliances. He laughs. I can’t tell if he’s thinking I don’t want that junk or he really likes them. He could always give them to Grandma.
Oh, this is entertaining. Michael is po’ed and kinda nasty in his camera interview. He says Kevin won by cooking a turnip purée, roasted turnips and a big pile of mushrooms on a plate. “I coulda made that dish in 20 minutes.”
Wow! Is there a reunion show? I want to hear what Kevin thinks when he sees this show.
Michael continues, “For a dish that I could have made in the second year of my apprenticeship, to win? I was obviously pissed off.”
Robin, Jennifer and Mike go in.
They start with Mike. Natalie wondered why there wasn’t a protein. They all give him a hard time about saying the leek was supposed to represent a protein.
Mike tries to explain and excuse his leeks and says the rest of his stuff came out well. Tom begs to differ. He says the carrots were okay, but the problem is it doesn’t matter, because you couldn’t get past the leeks. Uh-oh. Mike actually says, “Whatever, whatever. What am I going to do?” Go home, fool, that’s what. It’s never a good idea to look as if you don’t care.
As usual they don’t like Robin. She blabbed and blabbed…and blabbed some more about her dish. Tom says it was all over the map and it never came together. Gale particularly didn’t like the chermoula.
On to Jennifer, Padma says she didn’t see two hours worth of work on her plate.
This is mean. Padma says, “About your verjus, a few of us wore it.’ Are Padma and Natalie examples of “Mean Girls”?
Jen says she was nervous at the dinner and that she’s nervous now. Tom says her performance is starting to suffer. She says she hopes to pull herself together, but if she doesn’t then she thanks them for the chance. That’s not good, to sound as if she’s giving up.
The truest thing said on this episode was when Natalie said she didn’t think it was that outlandish a challenge…that it’s a real-life challenge. She says many times she goes into a restaurant and asks the chef to come up with a vegetarian option for her. It is true that they shouldn’t have found it so arduous. Plus it was only one dish and for not a huge amount of people.
With the chefs out of the room, they say Jennifer was a defeatist. Gale says Mike was arrogant, and that he took for granted that he would never go home. Nat notes that it wasn’t a good idea that Robin did two of the elements of her dish for the first time that night.
And it’s…Mike. He gives a creepy smile. He says he should have done a lot better than everyone else, because this is his background. Whatever that means.
He says Robin should have been eliminated, and that if he had been on the bottom as many times as she has been, he would have sent HIMSELF home. His last line was his best. Oh well. SO long, sucka.
He doesn’t look too upset. Jen is more upset for having done so badly. I just really don’t want to see Robin in the finals and I hope the brothers grow up a little bit between now and the finale.
Cake Boss with Buddy Valastro
Buddy has a team meeting to announce that they’re doing a cake for the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. The cake is supposed to look like “wicked plants”, inspired by a book called “Wicked Plants” by Amy Stewart. AND the author will be there to do a walking tour and a book signing.
I suppose they think a cake that looks like it could poison people is a lot of fun. That's not necessarily MY idea of a good time, but each to his own. Sonal from the BBG explains that the “wicked” plants might have itchy qualities or they may be poisonous or even carnivorous. Buddy makes a face. He looks scared.
Another, BBG person, Susan, tells Buddy about the Venus flytrap that eats meat, insects, as well as small frogs. Buddy is incredulous.
Buddy imagines that the center of the cake will be the Venus flytrap (it looks like a dinosaur’s head on a stem). He’ll do flowers a
Mauro gives the Cake Boss some ideas on how to construct the cake and he keeps using the word flange. That makes me think of a cross between a flan and a sponge cake. Yum! I bet Buddy could make that…
Buddy makes the base out of vanilla and chaw-co-lot cakes and mocha filling. Hmmm! I don’t remember him using mocha before. They’re using PVC pipe for the stem. Normally Buddy wants everything to be edible, but he needs it for its flexibility and strength.
Buddy has a consult with some guy. Buddy is so affable as he asks him what he can do for him and calls him “my friend”. The guy tells Buddy he wants to propose to his girlfriend. Buddy congratulates him. The guy continues. He wants to do it THERE…in the bakery, because he and his girlfriend love the bakery so much.
Buddy takes the idea and runs with it. He suggests a ring box cake with a huge (cake) diamond on it, with a note that says “Will you marry me?” Awww. Buddy is such a romantic. He says they can put it on the display counter and then the couple can be casually looking around until she sees it.
The guy wants the actual ring to be on the cake. He is either MORE romantic than Buddy or really not too bright. THAT’S just asking for trouble. I predict (wish for) a Buddy meltdown when someone loses the ring. Buddy says he’ll put the ring in “safekeeping”.
Buddy makes the actual mold for the ring that he'll make later. Wow. He pours silicone over a fake huge diamond. He’ll then remove the fake diamond and pour some goo in to make the replica of the diamond. He yells when he runs out of the food grade silicone he’s making the mold with. THIS is complicated. And does “food grade" mean that you can eat it, or that food can touch it and you can eat THAT?
Buddy moves on to making the flowers for the poison cake. He’s making hydrangeas, which he loves, but he tells us they have cyanide in them. Hmm. He says it takes 3 or 4 hours just to make one bunch, because of the number of flowers you have to make. Next he makes beautiful “freckled” lilies. He paints over them with petal dust. So pretty.
Mary comes in to annoy Buddy. He’s not too nice. She doesn’t believe that lilies are poisonous. He says, “If I’m making them for this cake, they’re poisonous.” She says he’s making it up. Then he goes off (to us) about why would he go to the trouble of making that up. He does have a point, but still, Buddy, be nice to yuh sistah! OMG, Mary takes a bunch of fresh lilies and takes a HUGE bite.
He says “Are you crazy?” Mauro says, “Hasta la vista, Baby”. Buddy continues, “My sistah Mary is an idiot. DON’T try this at home!” That was funny, at least. I have to admit I’m with him on this one.
Mary says they tasted good. He says he doesn’t want to hear about it when she starts having problems. “It’s NO problem. I take full responsibility. This is all BS,” she yells as she leaves the room.
Buddy takes a look at the mold. It’s hard. He takes the "diamond" away. Next he pours in isomalt, “a sugar substitute used in candy making,” to make the diamond for the cake.
Uh-oh, Mama’s here! She comes traipsing in with Mary behind, yelling “HEY Buddy! What the hell did you make her eat?” Mary points at Mauro and says “Him too, Ma.” (I love it.)
Buddy explains, “I didn’t tell her to eat it, she wanted to eat it.” She denies it and Buddy keeps to his story, which, this time, happens to be true. Buddy yells at us that his ”sistah is nagging his muddah” to yell at him. He’s 32 years old and “not a baby anymore.”
Mama can tell Mary is lying. Buddy says,” She ain’t gonna die, she’s gonna get the runs.”
Buddy goes back to the proposal cake. He uses Rice Krispie treats to make a box. One of the sistahs takes the real ring to show people.
Some gorgeous gal, Lauren, in hot pants (actually shorts…but hot pants seem more fitting somehow in Buddy’s world) comes walking in. Buddy greets her and then reminds us of when cousin Ant-KNEE dropped the cake down the stairs. He says Ant-knee thinks he’s off the hook, but Buddy is “like at cheetah sitting in the Serengeti waiting and watching.” It’s nice to know that Buddy watches Animal Planet.
OH, surprise, surprise the whole thing’s a setup. The gal comes in and pretends to be looking at cakes and she just happens to start flirting with Ant-knee. Buddy is going to do something mean and, if the previews are true, it’ll involve having a bucket of something red fall on his head.
Conveniently Buddy and Mauro leave the area, while Lauren gives Ant a little attention.
Buddy pops the diamond out and is making the band. He puts it in what looks like a reddish wooden box, but it’s a cake, of course. Buddy adds a tag that says, “Heather, will you marry me?” How much do you want to bet that he’s lost the real ring? And that chaos will ensue?
I’m guessing it’s a new day and Mauro sends Ant-knee downstairs for some pretend errand. The guys quickly mix up some red stuff. The plan is that the hottie will pick up the cake; Ant-knee will help her load it into her car; and she’ll plant him against the wall where they’ll drop stuff on him.
Doesn’t Ant-knee think it’s strange that a stranger came and ordered a cake from the inner sanctum of the bakery? AND that, rather than pick it up in the usual way - from the sistahs - she comes upstairs again? I guess he’s not the sharpest tip in the piping set.
Lauren moves away to pretend to get her phone from the car and they drop red stuff on him and then tons of flour, except the flour mostly misses him. Buddy comes running out and says that’s what happens when you drop cakes. THEN MAMA runs out and says, “I don’t understand. I DON’T THINK THIS IS FUNNY! Enough of this! First you do it to Stretch and now all this. What’s the reason???”
Buddy says calmly that Ant-knee dropped a cake. (And, really, it wasn’t just ANY cake. It was a complicated many layered Sweet 16 cake.) Mama tells Buddy this better be the last time.
OR WHAT, MAMA? You raised a little prince and this is what they do.
It gets better. She says they better not pull this stuff again and she demands that they apologize to Ant-Knee. She carries on, “THIS is not acceptable. You better hear me, CAKE Boss, ‘cause I’m the real BOSS!” “Ma, C’mon!” I don’t see no apology, before they move on to finishing the Venus flytrap.
They cover the Botanical Garden cake in green modeling chaw-co-lot. Buddy uses pink fahn-dahnt for the tongue and the roof of the mouth. He paints lips (THEY HAVE LIPS?) with petal dust. And then he makes fangs with more modeling chaw-co-lot.
He moves on to the ring box. He opens the box that holds the ring, and, guess what, it’s missing. What a shock!
Buddy says he’s going to kill somebody. What else is new? They look in all the batters and the icings. Grace walks in and asks what’s happening. They say they’re looking for the ring. She says she took it to clean it. She wanted it to be nice.
Okay, I can perhaps believe (maybe, not completely, but maybe) that an entire cake falls down the stairs, but I do not believe for one minute that that looking-for-the-ring scene WASN'T a huge set up. But who cares, I just want Mama to come in and amp up the drama. Mama doesn't appear and Buddy says thanks for the heart attack as Grace leaves.
They move the Venus flytrap on to the cake base. It looks really creepy. (That reminds me of the old how-do-you-handle-a-Venus-flytrap joke. VERY carefully.) They add all the LOVELY flowers to make the cake look like a flower bed, with this huge killer plant in the middle.
Everyone always wants Buddy and his crew to do all these unusual, crazy looking cakes and he does do them amazingly well. But his FLOWERS are where his real artistry stands out. They look so real that it’s hard to believe they aren’t. And incredibly, we’ve seen that he can do them blindfolded.
Buddy is worried about delivering the cake, though, because he has to drive through Man-Haht-IN to get to
They bring the cake into the Botanical Gardens to lots of applause and cheers. I hope we see a real Venus flytrap. The “Wicked Plants” lady is sooo impressed. She says, “HOW did you do POLLEN?” Buddy says we try to be botanically correct. Funny. She’s also impressed with the freckles on the lilies. She takes a bite from the hyacinth, the one made from sugar.
Back at the bakery, Buddy takes the Proposal Cake downstairs and puts it on top of the showcase. The bakers and sistahs watch as the couple comes into the bakery. They start to browse.
The only problem is that Buddy put the cake too close to the front and so the two see it almost immediately. It might have been nice to drag it out a bit.
When they get to it, the guy says how about that one? She looks closer and sees the sign that says, “Heather, will you marry me?” She gapes at him and says are you serious and he drops to one knee and proclaims, “Ever since the day we met, I’ve known that I wanted to marry you.”
You’d have to be a Grinch not to be moved. Grace is clutching her chest in emotion. Buddy is oohing and awing. AND Heather says yes. Buddy and the group come out and everyone applauds. Buddy looks like he wants to make a speech. He says he was honored to do the cake and she loves it.
We’re left with Buddy’s ruminations about why he loves what he does – “When I see peoples’ reactions and I can see all my hard work is appreciated, that’s why I do what I do. That’s it, it’s dear to my heart.”
The last scene brings us out of our romantic revelry. We see a bathroom door, we hear flushing. Mary walks through an empty bakery, yelling “Buddy”.
The judges come strolling in with Padma wearing HIGH heels with fringed ankle straps. Intriguing. Eli greets them. Tom laughs at the name, REVOLT. Padma says “I don’t know about this name.” Tom: “It’s a terrible name,” Eli starts talking away and Padma kind of cuts him off and says we just need two of everything. Rick likes the way they set up the menu.
Eli brings out the first two dishes.
Eli
Smoked Arctic Char With Beets, Horseradish Sour Cream & Potatoes
Michael V.
Pressed Chicken With Calamari Noodles, Tomato Confit & Fennel Salad
Padma: “This chicken is amazing,” Rick: ”Wow, I love this. I would order this.” Tom:”Can I get more chicken?”
I’m totally confused. First they said Eli was making the char and then as Eli brought the dish, he says it’s Bryan’s and Bryan’s name was above it on the description on the screen and now Padma is asking the judges what they thought of ELI’S Char. I’m going with it being Eli’s.
About the arctic char – Rick: “It was a little one dimensional.” Toby: “It didn’t really pop.”
Toby says there is a little too long a gap between the first and second courses. The brothers are fighting. What else is new?
Eli apologizes for the wait. He says it’s like opening night.
Duo Of Beef
Braised Short Rib & Prime NY Strip
That sounds kind of boring.
Michael V.
Cod With Parsley Sauce, Billi-Bi Croquette & Zucchini Tenderloin
The cod – Rick: “It was melt in your mouth, sustainable, delicious.” Toby: “It picked up quite a lot of the mussel flavor.”
The beef – Toby: “I wasn’t overwhelmed.” Tom: “I enjoyed the dish.” He wished that it had been hotter when it came out.
Some of the other guests say the beef was actually cold.
Oh, this is good.
Maybe he’ll be out for his cold beef. Jerkity, jerk, jerk.
WAIT!!! I take it all back! It was MICHAEL, NOT BRYAN, that said all of that. Oy! They continue to fight. Michael says, "Relax, relax, relax," to Robin. Hate him.
The desserts are brought out finally.
Ganache With Spearmint Ice Cream & Chocolate Tuiles
Robin
Pear Pithivier With Vanilla Ice Cream & Elderflower Syrup
(That dish does NOT look good.)
Well, that shows what I know. About the pear pithivier – Toby says it’s “easily” the best thing Robin has done so far. (Could THIS mean that
The ganache – Toby: “Beautiful,” although he says it could have done with more mint ice cream. Tom: “I think it’s delicious.” Rick: “Silky.”
Padma asks how they thought Eli did in the front of the house. Rick says he likes his intensity.
They go to the other restaurant. They notice immediately that there are no desserts on the menu.
They all think the arctic char needs salt and Padma actually asks Laurine for some. She’s a bit thrown by that. They have really screwed up the post-production of this episode. There are no titles describing the dishes, but, luckily, I got them from earlier.
Mike
Asparagus & Six Minute Egg
Arctic Char Tartare
I guess it’s the tartare they think that lacks salt. Padma likes the asparagus. The others are not overly impressed with the asparagus dish. The best Rick can come up with is that he didn’t DISlike it.
There’s a big wait time between courses.
Laurine is struggling. Padma actually says, “How long is it going to be?” Laurine tells them it will be one minute…It isn’t.
Oh, the reason they didn’t show the names of the dishes is apparently because Laurine just put them on the table without any explanation. Sneaky. Now Padma ASKS her to tell them about the dishes and, voilà, the titles are there.
Jennifer
Trout With Brown Butter Emulsion, Hazelnuts & Braised Endive
Tom: “I think the halibut’s actually cooked okay. BUT this is not consommé. It’s not clear.” WHOOPS! Rick: “It’s not clear, but it’s probably the best part of the dish.“ Toby: “It’s disappointing.”
What IS clear is that THIS team is not winning. BUT IF Laurine were going home, why would that be such a big deal at the Judges’ Table? Toby said there was a lot of disagreement. I really am thinking it’s going to be Jen, which is so ludicrous (to quote Kevin) if Robin outlasts Jen.
It gets worse: “Jennifer’s trout is an absolute disaster. The butter sauce broke…All you taste is grease…Her mentor would not be happy with her right now.”
There are problems with Kevin’s lamb too. Some people are sending it back for being too rare. Kevin says he and Laurine are having communication issues. Padma asks again for Laurine to tell them about the dishes.
Kevin/Laurine
Lamb With Carrot Jam, Green Bean Salad & Morel Mushroom Sauce
Kevin
Glazed Pork Belly, Pork Sausage, Cornmeal Mousseline & Red-Eye Gravy
Tom says if they wanted to serve rare lamb, they succeeded. Ouch. Toby is fed up that they didn’t ask how he wanted his lamb. They all like Kevin’s pork dish, but Toby says he misses dessert.
The Revolt diners liked the food. Mike is pretty sure his team is the losing team. He tells the other team in the stew room, “If we win, you guys must have done a horrible job, because we didn’t do a good job.”
Jen is going home, I think. I hate to say it.
There’s an inexplicable scene where Michael is saying there’s no place for arrogance in the kitchen. HUH?!! WHO is saying that? THEN he says, “People mistake arrogance for confidence.” I'm definitely mistaking him for someone who needs to shut it. “I probably have the biggest heart here.” What a windbag.
Kevin says that must have been some of the worst cooking they did in their careers. THAT was when Mike makes that remark and you know what? I BET I’M RIGHT THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE MONEY. Remember that, if you’re ever in the same situation.
Padma asks to see the members of Revolt. They win. Toby says after he had made fun of the name and chastised the front of house manager for being woefully underdressed (I’m scared that Toby and I share a brain), he would have given the restaurant 3 stars. (Out of how many though?)
They loved
Rick says Eli’s dish didn’t blow him away, but it was a good dish and he did a good job at communicating while he was running the front of house.
They loved Michael’s dish and Robin’s dessert. Tom says it seemed homier than the other dishes and wondered if there was a discussion about it. They pretend there was no fight at first, but then Robin rolls her eyes as Michael goes on a bit too long about his help with the dish.
After Tom asks her about it, Robin says, “There’s a fine line between being helped and being dominated.”
That remark went nowhere, because their team already won and they picked Michael as the winner, so the judges obviously don’t care that he’s a pig. (I’m not saying they should care.)
Michael wins an autographed copy of RM’s book AND gets the $10,000 that the other team forfeited. He decides to split it with his team. Why don’t I think that makes him any nicer?
The other team goes in, while the brothers have another ugly moment. Michael asks why
Gosh, this is getting tiresome. If Michael wants to play the big man, let him.
Back at Judges’ Table, Tom asks if the division of the dishes was a good idea, because they each got slammed at the same team. Kevin agrees they didn’t organize that well.
They go through the menu. Jen says she should have steamed the clams and mussels in advance. Rick asks, “You steamed them to order?!!” She says yes. He says wow.
Then Rick says, “I think you cooked the halibut perfectly.” Maybe that will save her, but no, not so fast. Tom tells Jen her sauce was broken. She says she doesn’t have anything to say and that she’s feeling pretty broken right now.
They didn’t like the lamb. Rick says it didn’t rest and that the center was like Jell-O.
Toby says Laurine looked like a deer in the headlights and that she told them nothing about the first dishes and only talked about the others when prompted. Tom says it sounds like the problem was that there was no leader. Kevin agrees.
They leave and Rick says “the wheels came off the bus.” Tom says there was too much overconfidence going into the challenge. Tom and Rick agree that it was insane of Jen to steam the mussels and clams to order. They keep talking and each person is sounding worse and worse. I hope it’s not Jen.
This is interesting…The poll results:
Which Voltaggio Brother is the bigger putz?
Michael 100%
Oh, okay, this is the poll:
Which Voltaggio Brother is the better chef?
Michael 36%
And the loser is…Jen looks like she’s about to cry…Laurine. JEN is really crying now. Laurine takes it ok. She is kind of cool. Someone asks Kevin what they said in there and he says he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s really angry. At himself?
Hello JEN!!! She’s walking around in a striped bikini. PLEASE don’t make us see any of the guys similarly attired! She says she’s cooking today in her bathing suit and heels. Laurine feels good to still be there. She should, because it’s pretty clear she’s not going to be in the final few. (Let’s remember, though, that I am pretty often wrong.)
Kevin is sorry that Ashley (the guy) is gone and makes reference to the brothers arguing all the time. (That’s not as bad as their bad grammar.) Michael (HEY, I can finally tell them apart. YAY!) says the competition is going to get tougher. He adds that he was the instigator of their fights as a kid and he still is.
They get to the Top Chef kitchen and Rick Moonen is waiting for them. Kevin is happy because his
Padma says they can only go so far as individuals. Rick agrees and says it’s all about “a line of people working in synergy.” I feel sorry for the team that gets the dueling brothers, if they’re placed together.
Padma announces the “Tag Team Cook-off”. Jen is disgusted and says “What?” They draw knives to determine teams. They’re all blank except Jen’s, which says first choice and Michael’s which says second choice. THEY get to pick the two teams with Jen going first. She can’t decide whether to split up the brothers or not. She doesn’t.
The teams:
Jen, Kevin, Mike I, Laurine
Michael, Bryan, Eli, Robin
Robin says it’ll be a good opportunity for her to work with Eli and “face their demons”. Um…the rush of a Quickfire is probably not the greatest time for that.
Each team has to make one dish. The first chef cooks for 10 minutes. The next one for ten minutes and so on, until they’ve reached 40 minutes. The bad part…They can’t speak to each other…at all. Jen looks stunned.
I’m going to stick my neck out here and say that something goes terribly wrong in Restaurant Wars (we’ve already seen a preview) and Jen goes home. Of course, I don’t want to believe that, BUT THEY SHOWED HER IN HER
There’s an added challenge to this Quickfire. Until it’s each one’s turn to cook, each chef has to wear a blindfold. That’s funny and, thank goodness, it's not a bikini!. Kevin laughs. He tells us he thinks it’s ludicrous and insane. AND it’s a high stakes Quickfire.
I like (for the first time EVER) what Michael says. His team chooses Eli to go first and pick good stuff from the fridge; they pick Robin to screw up the second ten minutes and
They follow the same philosophy on the other team. Jen will start, the weakest one, Laurine, will go second, Mike next and Kevin will bat cleanup. (Wait, I have to ask someone if that’s an appropriate phrase. After all, this is cooking, not basketball.) kidding…sort of.
The whistle blows. Jen does a good job. Her ideas include black cod, poached in olive oil; scallops; mushrooms and shrimp in a sauce.
Eli grills a strip steak. He starts prepping mushrooms and cleans greens and radishes. He says Robin’s flavor profile is somewhere east of Mars.
Jen is worried the others won’t follow her lead. Laurine is kind of clueless. When she sees the oil simmering away with a piece of thyme in it, she thinks the thyme is simply for a garnish. Finally, she realizes it’s to poach the cod.
Robin is amazed by how much Eli got done. Robin starts a dressing for a Caesar type salad.
Jen says Mike looks dizzy as he tries to figure out what she started. Then he says he sees the vision and the path. He sautés the mushrooms.
Kevin is discombobulated by having worn a blindfold for so long, as he tries to figure out what is going on. He does realize that the pot of oil is probably for poaching the fish and he decides NOT to do that. He butter roasts it in a pan.
Oy, Michael is painful. He says the hardest part of the challenge is that he’s finishing other people’s food and THAT’S NOT WHAT HE DOES. Yuckity yuck. He takes the idea of a narcissistic chef to new levels.
He gets the beef in the oven. He adds water to
Michael’s Red Team
Pan Roasted NY Strip With Whipped Miso, Avocado Purée & Pickled Vegetables
Eli says this dish isn’t that far off what he imagined at the outset. Rick says the whole process was really interesting to watch.
Jen’s Blue Team
Sablefish With Sautéed Mushrooms, Shitake Broth & Radish Salad
Jen describes her dish to Rick and says it’s pan-seared trout. Why did she say that? She said black cod at the beginning. Rick points out her mistake and Jen is appalled at herself. (Is this a hint of things to come?)
Rick says in general both teams did extremely well. He found the red team’s dish “very intriguing, very delicious and, although it was slightly rare”, he really liked the other components of the dish.
The blue dish, he says, had “a really nice finish to it’. He says this was because there was a stock that was started at the beginning. (Good thinking, Jen.)
Rick picks the blue team. They win $10,000, which they get to split.
Padma says the Elimination Challenge is Restaurant Wars. The chefs are talking as if the teams they’re in now are the ones for that challenge, but we haven’t been told that yet.
Rick says they’ll be cooking in his Mandalay Bay restaurant, RM Seafood and that it has two kitchens on two separate floors. That’s neat.
They ARE staying in those teams. The blue team gets to choose which of the two kitchens they’re cooking in. Luckily, this time the chefs are not responsible for the decor, which makes a lot of sense. Jen says, “GOOD.”
Padma says it’s all about the experience they give the diner, the menu etc. and the front of house and service. Plus she says the chef in charge of the front of the house is also responsible for the conception and execution of one dish. Two members from each team will get one hour and $1500 to shop at Whole Foods. The other 2 will have the same time and money at Restaurant Depot.
Rick has one request – that they follow his 100% sustainable seafood guidelines. They will be judged on that as well. So I’m guessing if the dishes include a tuna fish sandwich (made with longline Albacore Tuna, except from
Oh, there’s another wrench in the works. They can forgo the ten grand to be split now, and IF they win, they EACH get ten grand.
NO, don’t do it. A bird in the hand…as they say. (I’m not good at guessing these things, but I say take the money NOW.) Let’s see what they do.
They decide to “Let it ride” and NOT take the money now. BIG MISTAKE. Don’t worry, I’ll admit when I’m wrong, but I think 2500 dollars in your hand is better than the chance of $10,000. Do y’all disagree with me on this too, like you did for the take-the-immunity or the money question?
The blue team decides not to do a dessert and Laurine says she’ll do front of house.
Michael is “shooting down” some of
Back at the house, Eli models his look for his front of the house job. (He looks messy with his shirt untucked.) I guess it’s smart to have him there, so the brothers can ignore Robin in the kitchen. If she were doing the front of the house, they couldn’t control her.
Michael comes up with the name “REVOLT” for their restaurant. It stands for Robin, Eli and the Voltaggio brothers and it refers to them “standing up and just cooking the food they believe in.” That name could work against them if things go wrong.
The other team calls theirs “
Mike, Kevin and Jen (where’s Laurine?) worry for a sec about not doing dessert, but Jen says anyone that does dessert always goes home. Mike says ending with a strong meat dish from Kevin is going to be a lot better than any dessert.
The blue team picks the fine dining restaurant of Rick Moonen’s two
Michael is barking orders at the rest of the team. Robin says he should have “faith in her ability to be a contributing member” of the team. I agree that might be hard based on what she’s cooked previously. Michael tells us that Robin is out of her league and that some feelings are going to be hurt and that’s not his focus.
Jen says they’re looking for “simplicity, refinement and seasonality” in their menu. She says she worked at Le Bernadin for five years and that’s what she learned from Chef Ripert. She’s worried because they’re running behind in their prep.
Michael says it’s going to come down to who executes better.
Tom greets the various chefs and chats to them in the dining rooms and the two kitchens.
