Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About TV Chefs, But Were Afraid To Ask

Does everyone get this weird "TV Guide" station? It has television listings scrolling on the bottom third of the screen the entire time you're trying to watch whatever they're showing.

The other night they had a program on that I’m sure EVERY fan of food television would have been interested in…had it been on a real channel. It was called 25 Things You Didn't Know About TV Chefs. I was very excited and got ready to settle into a riveting hour, yup a whole hour’s worth of juicy tidbits about our favorite food celebrities. Here’s what I learned:

We learned right off the bat that Anthony Bourdain is milking his fame for what it’s worth - HE said that - and that Nigella was a journalist for most of her working life. That last one was part of the first category:

No. 25 Not All TV Chefs Started In The Kitchen
Gordon – soccer
Nigella – journalist
RR – buyer

No. 24 There’s No 30 Minute Meals For TV Chefs
Giada says to shoot one half hour show, it takes about 15 hours.
Nigella shoots 1 episode in 3 days.
Emeril says he has 130 people (!!!) working on Emeril Live.

No. 23 Even TV Chefs Can Be Picky Eaters
Bobby doesn’t like lentils.
RR hates mayonnaise. Whoop-Dee-Doo!

Okay, I’m getting the feeling that this is a less than well researched show. I think they pulled together quotes from celebrity magazines and red carpet interviews and got a bunch of interns to put this together. There MUST be something interesting that we’re going to learn.

No. 22 It’s Not Always Fine Dining For One TV Chef
Tony will consume anything he has to - eyeballs included. Emeril likes real food, he says he’s not going to eat rattlesnakes.

No. 21 TV Chefs Don’t Make Food Look Good
Food stylists do, and you don’t always want to eat what they’ve styled. They showed how a chicken is made to look juicy and brown. It’s spray tanned with Kitchen Bouquet while it’s still mostly raw, and not only would you not want to eat it, you probably wouldn’t recover for days, if you did.

We learn incidentally that Nigella loves Mario.

No. 20 Famous TV Chefs Get The Best Table In The House
Tony says he could walk into any restaurant in the world and eat well. Julia could too, on account of professional courtesy. Gordon says he never flexes his muscles outside of his “zone”. That’s probably a relief to his fellow chefs.

No. 19 One TV Chef Is Part Of The Law And Order Family
Stephanie March is married to Bobby and he’s been on Law and Order SVU.They were introduced by Mariska Hargitay. Whoa, that’s a big one. Is there one thing here that you didn’t know?!! I’m still waiting…

No. 18 People Have Voted For Their Sexiest TV Chef
This is getting just plain dumb. The sixth graders they had think up these categories should go back to school for another decade or so. (Actually, that’s an insult to 6th graders, who are much more on the ball.)

One stylist said TV chefs are sexy and they have HUGE…what in the world is she going to say? Oh, followings.

DAVE Lieberman is one example. Oh, come on! Next they mention Rocco. Puleez! What about Tyler? Giada? Bobby?

No. 17 One TV Chef Would Like To Thank The Academy
Obviously, they’re talking about Wolfgang Puck. He’s in charge of feeding 1600 at the Governor’s Ball. I thought this was supposed to be stuff we didn’t know. They have 600 waiters in the dining room (I guess there are a lot of actors NOT out of work that night) and 200 people in the kitchen. Wolfgang has been doing The Governor’s Ball for 12 years.

No. 16 One TV Show Made Rachael Ray A Household Name
(THEY spelled her name Rachel. That’s rich!) She made an appearance on the Today Show and The Food Network signed her up. EVERYBODY knows that and it’s been written about everywhere, including here.

There’s a tease for “What’s the one thing Tony Bourdain won’t do on his show?

No. 15 Bobby Flay Likes To Horse Around
Bobby owns thoroughbred race horses. FINALLY, something I didn’t know. They didn’t say he RIDES them. They said he owns them.

Okay, kids, (who do I sound like?) enough for one day. You’ll have to keep tuning in for the rest of the list, including the TOP TEN Things You Didn’t Know About TV Chefs. And I promise you there is ONE truly noteworthy thing on the list…one that I didn't know and that I think you'll find intriguing.


Mae said...

I didn't know GR was a soccer player... i also didn't know who Emeril was. Lol. I had to google him...

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

That really was a rather silly collection of facts that most of us have been gleaning from watching the Food Network for years. Kind of pointless.

I have one thing in common with RR. I don't like mayo either.

Why stop at Bobby Flay with the horse thing? I've seen Michael Chiarello ride horses on his show. Of course he has a reckless disregard for safety and doesn't wear a helmet, which makes me want to throw food at the screen.

BTW, FYI, YOu can find the official Rachael Ray Drinking Game at

Sue said...

I'm so sorry I didn't include a link on Emeril, but I thought even martians knew who he was.

BTW, your photographs are SPECTACULAR!

I know, Rach, it is an exceedingly silly list. BUT wait until you read the second installment... coming soon.

I was trying to come up with something I had in common with RR and I just couldn't. Oh wait, I love to talk too.

I knew about MC and horses, but I didn't know about Bobby.

I still don't know how to PLAY the drinking game, but that list is hilarious.

Cynthia said...

You always make me laugh. I love your wit.

Emiline said...

Bobby doesn't like lentils? Fascinating.
Lentils are harmless. How could you hate them?

I realize that there are some tricks for food styling, but I really hope they don't do stuff like that.

Sue said...

Thanks Cynthia, as always.

The lentils thing was a real surprise. And we'd probably all be amazed at what goes into making food look good in a photograph. The only thing I ever use in my pictures is, occasionally, a little spit...