Top Chef…They’re Baaaccckkk!

First of all, what is Andy Cohen doing leading the conversation?

It’s one thing to have him do the reunion show for the Real Housewives of Orange County, as well as the RH of New York, but this?

Let’s not even get into how I know that he did those other reunion shows…I just do.

Wouldn't a culinary figure have been a better choice? Ted would have done a good job.

Okay, let’s get started:

Richard isn’t there in person, because his wife is about to have a baby.

We see the moment that Stephanie wins. Do we really have to see that again? It was only a week ago,.

Ted is all chatty. Tom looks bored. Padma is posing in a deck chair. Gail is pleasant.

Lisa, in her jade, is gracious. Tom asks Stephanie if she wants to be known as the first female top chef or the winner of season 4. Obviously, the latter.

They’re all asked if they have any regrets. Dale immediately says he regrets his butterscotch sauce. Yeah, it all could have been different. By the way, I’m predicting, no, demanding, that Dale win the $10,000 prize for fan favorite. Goodness knows, I voted all seven times or however many we were allowed.

Jen’s regret is her phallic presentation of a crouton.

They move on to other scenes. I have no memory of a bathtub incident between Andrew and Spike. Apparently, they were special friends. “Like soldiers trapped on a submarine”, says Ted. That would be SAILORS, Ted. YOU should know that…

Mark is married. This is boring. I’m not interested in this. The only two people I’m interested in seeing outside the kitchen are Dale and Tom…okay, I guess Padma too. Maybe she could show me how to make samosas. And Ted and Gale might have some interesting things to say. But I don’t think the other chefs are sterling conversationalists …not that they pretend to be.

Other insights I gleaned from this show:

Jen and Zoi may not still be together.
Spike is sneaky.
Tom has spooky eyes.
Richard had a dream about making love to his wife and then Mark knocked on the door.
Several people are on this show of whom I have NO memory.

And this:
Many chefs that worked with Antonia were eliminated, thus earning her the name The Black Hammer.

The outtakes from the judges are funny. The “stew room” scenes – no, they weren’t braising meat in there, that’s where they had to wait for the judges’ decisions - weren't that riveting. We do learn that they were actually in the stew room for 6 hours.

Andy comments that the judges are more critical this season. The best example of that is Anthony Bourdain’s, “It’s baby vomit with wood chips.” Tom giggles throughout.

They agree that Anthony Bourdain was the toughest judge. Spike called him a culinary assassin.

Ooooh, they talk about the controversial getting-rid-of-Dale decision. Tom asserts that it looked like Lisa should have gone home. Dale was honest and said he messed up and he deserved to go home.

Ugh. Lisa tells us she went to a lesbian party (it was sooo not necessary to include THAT detail) and that people came up to her and said they were afraid of her. She didn’t seem too upset.

Andy’s one good question was to Andrew. He asked how it felt to have Lisa throw him under the bus. He said she made an ass of herself. She tries to make nice. He doesn’t buy it.

Andrew’s expression ‘I have a culinary boner”, is being sold on Top Chef T-shirts. ($24.95! What a rip-off.)

We learn about the 4 top fights this season:
1) Dale versus Spike: “Dale, you’re a little bitch.”
2) Dale versus Lisa about who picked the wrong rice? (It turned out Dale did.)
3) Lisa vs. Andrew in the aforementioned sellout.
4) Jen and Antonia against Spike, Lisa and Dale. I’m not sure who was against whom. Dale did seem to be involved, to a remarkable degree, in most of the fights.

They have a segment about the cursing. Tom tells them, in a rather goodie goodie fashion, that they should think how they present themselves in interviews. Richard is interviewed by satellite and given a Top Chef baby onesie. (Could they spare it?)

There’s a commercial for Jo and Slade. The sad thing is that I know who they are, but I'll deny it if asked.

Okay, finally we get to fan favorite. Andy asks for guesses. NOBODY chooses Dale. WHY??? Tom throws out some ideas and tells Lisa that no way is it going to be her. She laughs (on the outside).

Oh goodness... STEPHANIE wins fan favorite. What a bunch of putzes who voted for this. They show all the chefs’ positive remarks about her. They could have done that with any of them, except Lisa.…

Dale got screwed again. Dumb.

BTW, the reunion shows of both Housewives series were far more entertaining than this. The housewives really got into it with each other. On THIS show, it seemed like all those involved were kind of over it.