Part Two - Top Chef: One New Haughty English Judge Means Lots Of Eye-Rolling

The Elimination Challenge will include a new judge, restaurant critic Toby Young, from the UK. He’ll be taking over from Gail for the rest of the season. Fabio says he’s a “bad-ass” food critic. The chefs get the night off and will learn about the challenge tomorrow.

They show Leah drinking Diet Dr. Pepper. Eugene talks to his kids on the very visible Sidekick. I like him.

Radhika mentions (again) that she has immunity for the second time. Okay, we get it. She’s made exactly 2 decent dishes the whole time she’s been there. Great…I do like her scarves, though, and the rakish way she wears them around her neck. Melissa is wearing oversized hot pink sunglasses, which wouldn’t be so strange except that she’s INSIDE.

The hunky Tom comes in. I’m relieved he shaved that mess off his chin. Oh wait, he didn’t, it’s still there. He pulls up a chair (stool?) and tells them the judges will be judging the food without knowing who cooked what. I like that. AND they can cook anything they want to best show off their skills.

They’ll also be feeding a bunch of foodies and critics. Okay, now this is a good idea. They can really strut their stuff. They have to cook a family style meal and two chefs this time are going home, since no one went home last time.

Radhika is happy to have immunity this week. She chose to cook with group A. I am unsure if they’re cooking in teams or not. Do they each make only one dish or are they making an entire dinner?

And do they have 100 dollars EACH? Eugene says they have to make a dish for 12 people. It doesn’t seem like they are coordinating at all, so I guess it’s each to his/her own this week.

Fabio is rolling out fresh pasta and making lamb sous vide. Didn’t someone do that last season and the food wasn’t cooked?

Group B goes to Whole Foods. Carla “slows it down” to hear the love. Huh?

Jamie is cooking scallops…again. Oh good, this is where Fabio says “This is Top Chef, not Top Scallops.” Funny. Eugene says he’s top dog at being original. Agreed. Hosea says Melissa is making really safe food.

Fabio says the lamb is undercooked. WHAT DID I JUST SAY?????

Before they go to break, we see a preview of Carla saying “THIS is the new judge? You have GOT to be kidding me? Gaaaaaaiii-lllllll!!!! She screams in her over the top, really humorous way. I don’t think her food has been the best, but I'm liking Carla more and more. She would make a great television host, I think, and then she could show us the love without being frazzled by the cooking.

The other chefs are mocking Fabio,”the Italian stallion”, for making pasta. Well, if the lamb is undercooked, the pasta better be exceptional.

The judges come in and sit at a half empty table. The second group comes in to cook and they’re told to sit at the table. THEY will be the other half of the tasters. What a great twist.

Padma introduces them to Toby. He looks like a pompous Englishman. When group A comes out, they laugh to see their fellow contestants sitting there as judges. Hosea doesn’t like it one bit. He thinks they will rip apart their food, so THEIR food comes off better. Possibly true. They get to watch the judging on a monitor back in the kitchen.

Stefan, at the table, says he can’t even eat Radhika’s dish of Curried Crab Bisque with a Lemon Scented Crab Salad. She looks appalled. Other opinions - Tom:” too heavy handed”. Toby calls it a weapon of mass destruction and warns the others to stand well back. Carla, at the table, is laughing (or crying) into her napkin. That’s where the Gaaaaiiiiiillllll! remark comes in. Tom says he didn’t follow Toby at all!

Hosea
Bacon-Wrapped Halibut with Roasted Vegetables in a Beurre Blanc Sauce

Carla: the vegetables were fantastic. J-C: Behind this dish is a person who doesn’t know how to say no. At least, I think that’s what he said. His English is, how you say? not perfect.

Toby goes off again. This reminded him of a Hollywood movie in which classically trained British actors have been cast in character roles. Jeff looks confused and exhausted. Oh, I guess the point is that the two leads (in the hypothetical movie that Toby is blathering on about) were upstaged by the supporting cast, which means that he liked the vegetables and not the fish. Leah and Carla do NOT look amused. Is he going to turn out to be another bad idea of a British import?

Oy, I’ve figured out his shtick. Everything is a longwinded comparison or analogy or story about something. It’s kind of annoying.

Jamie
Seared Scallops (for the millionth time) with Fennel, Garlic, Oranges and Olives

Jeff said his was cooked well. Toby: The ingredients were well chosen. The fennel and scallops complemented each other very well. J-C: Well done.

Fabio
Rack of Lamb with Cheese Ravioli and Mushroom Sauce
I think the lamb with the ravioli is a weird combination.

Remember that the judges don’t know whose dish they are tasting. Stefan: Undercooked. Little bit of seasoning missing. Ariane agrees that the lamb was definitely undercooked. J-C says the pasta was very well-done. The cheese makes it superb, he says, and the mushroom sauce is absolutely perfect. Without the lamb, it’s a perfect dish, he continues.

Eugene
Crispy Red Snapper with Tomato, Basil and Daikon Fettucine
I hope they don’t think it’s too weird.
Jeff says the dish is beautiful. Stefan says where he comes from radishes are cold, not hot. Well then, go back there. Toby: The fish is overcooked. The whole dish was underseasoned. It was the bland leading the bland.

Eugene is going home, definitely.

This is not quite fair, because the other team sees how Toby is and, now, knows to season everything very well, which admittedly the first team should have known anyway.

Melissa
Ahi Tuna Crudo Tacos
Say no more, I think Melissa is the second one going home. She could cook ANYTHING and THIS is what she chose? Her only garnish was a quartered slice of lime. Leah is unimpressed. Ariane couldn’t overcome that fishy taste. But MY question is how does Melissa get her bangs like that and how can she can see?

Padma asks Toby, what does this dish tell you about the chef? That she likes to wear lilac capris. Just testing to see if you were still with me. He says it tells me that he or she isn’t terribly confident. BINGO. This guy’s got game. Then he adds that it tastes a bit like cat food.

The second team goes into the kitchen. There’s Jeff bragging about making 3 small plates and a lot of stuff from scratch. Wait, WHAT does that say on the screen? WHERE is he the chef? The WHAT Beach Club? Oh, the DILIDO…Beach Club. That’s not what I thought it said…

Stefan remarks that he was born in the Czech Republic. He seems to come from all sorts of different places, when it’s convenient.

The chefs pointlessly all walk out into the dining room just to be told that it’s a blind tasting and they have to turn around and go back into the kitchen. What was the point of that? They watch the monitor.

Stefan
Roasted Duck and Braised Cabbage with Bread Dumplings
Radhika goes right for it and says the duck was cooked well, but the dumplings were a little dense. Stefan says she knows that’s his dish. Fabio says if you taste everything together, the dish works. Tom: I LIKED the dish. There’s SO much flavor in that cabbage. I think it’s great. Stefan explodes with happiness in the kitchen.

Jeff
Trio Tapas: Oysters, Seared Tuna, Avocado Sorbet and Grilled Peaches
Eugene says the creativity and the idea was there, but he thought there was too much happening on the plate. Jean-Christophe: I make avocado sorbet and it’s never been as good as this one. Tom: I don’t like this at all! It’s not a dish. It’s a bunch of hors d’oeuvres. Toby: For me, this was the standout of the five.

Wow! There is certainly some divergence of opinion. Toby says the avocado sorbet was like….here we go again….Tom Cruise’s cameo in Tropic Thunder…an unexpected treat. This guy could get tiresome. Tom: I don’t see it.

Ariane
Skate Wing with Pineapple and Cauliflower Purée
Melissa thinks the cauliflower purée went well with the fish. Jean-C: I think the skate is cooked perfectly. The pineapple introduction is very, very original. That was fabulous.

Leah
Seared Rouget Encrusted in Bread with Fried Beans in Chorizo Sauce
Jamie thinks the fried beans were greasy. Toby disagrees and says, as an Englishman, he’s a fan of fried food and he liked the dish.

Carla
Seared Scallops on top of Risotto with Gremolata Topping
Hosea loves the scallops themselves, not the topping. Jamie says the gremolata tasted bitter. Tom says he likes gremolata, but not with raw garlic. I think he must have meant not with THAT MUCH raw garlic, since gremolata is lemon zest and parsley with garlic (raw).

Padma excuses them.

Tom likes the second group better. J-C too.

The chefs assemble. Melissa is worried that she’s going home. Finally, she shows some insight.

Padma calls them in by the dishes they cooked. Ariane, Jamie and Stefan go in. They finished on top tonight.

Toby likes the fact that Stefan’s dish was undeniably German. Toby is rather full of himself. J-C says Jamie’s dish was so refined. Oh good, he’s added some words to his vocabulary, so please could we have the camera stay on him a bit more? Tom likes Ariane’s cooked pineapple. J-C believes strongly she’s done a great dish. J-C gets to announce the winner: Jamie…”Finally,” she says. So where’s her extra prize? There is none. Gyp.

The next chefs to be sent in are Melissa, Eugene and Carla. I think Carla will be there next week. Bye bye Bad Boy and Bad Bangs.

Carla explains that she tried to make the risotto vegetarian and then just added the scallops afterwards. She wasn’t surprised she was up before the judges. Tom said risotto isn’t a garnish, it’s a dish. J-C inquired into her motives. She gave a decent explanation.

Melissa said she really enjoyed the challenge and that she liked hearing her food critiqued. Tom said it was a failure of imagination. Very watery, bland, very overdressed. Toby said it smelled bad. She is so out of there.

Eugene says he does risky things. Tom kinda argues with him. J-C says the fish was overcooked. Toby said it lacked punch. Eugene doesn’t do much for himself in his final plea to the judges. Ditto for Melissa. Carla is cogent. Padma looks ill. Toby likes Eugene. Surprising.

Tom is sad that Eugene’s fish “lost its life” and then ended up in such a bad dish. Who knew he was such an animal lover? Tom says Melissa showed them who she was in her dish. Toby said that’s why she should go. Good one.

I can see Melissa cooking in Colorado or some hippy type place and sitting down with customers being all friendly and easy going, NOT in some high powered, snotty, upscale restaurant kitchen where millions of different interests are preying on her time and energies. She looks like the chilling-out kind of chef.

They leave to let the judges deliberate. They’re back. Toby has the glowering thing down pat. Tom says Eugene is wildly creative, but his skill level needs to catch up to his creativity. Melissa has shown a lack of imagination and Carla over-thought a dish that could have been really good. Melissa – GONE!!! Eugene – GONE!!!

Melissa cries that people that don’t know her don’t know how creative she can be. Eugene is fine. He has no regrets. I do. I wish he could have shown the judges the potential that I saw. C’est la guerre. C’est la compétition.

Part One - Top Chef: One New Hunky French Judge Means Lots Of Eye Candy

I’m glad there is a fast recap of the season, which I need after a couple of weeks away. They also remind us that the Top Chef will be winning a bunch of plastic bags. I guess every little bit helps in this economy.

We see Fabio cooking breakfast. Is that a toaster oven on the counter or some cool tiny convection oven? (I’m noticing because I just had to replace a toaster oven) Eugene is po'ed, because last night he was in the bottom three. I don’t even remember what that challenge was. Could this early glimpse of Eug mean that he is going home this week?

Melissa is getting dressed and drinking water. Hosea is happy. Stefan is full of himself. Jamie is in a bad mood. WHY is Melissa wearing faded lilac capri pants. She’s skinny enough to wear something more flattering.

Padma introduces the extremely hot French chef, Jean-Christophe Novelli, who, she tells us, will be seen in the upcoming Bravo show called Chef Academy. Seriously, he is so gorgeous that he doesn’t matter whether or not he can cook his way out of a paper bag. (He appears to be taken, but we can still dream.) In spite of all that, though, I suspect we’re meant to think that the fact that he’s French and heavily-accented means that he’s one fine cook. Oh, lookie here, it says under his name “Michelin Star Chef”, so I guess that qualifies him as being a competent chef.

I’d be happy to forget about these other folks in the room. I snap back to reality when I see Carla’s goofy, but oh so well-meaning, smile. Those ARE wild glasses too that she’s wearing.

They have to make a dessert WITHOUT sugar for the famous chef. They have 45 minutes to use any non-sugar ingredient to make a wonderful non-diet tasting dessert.

Jeff is delighted because he intends to make something with honey. Wait a sec! They can’t possibly mean that they can use honey in place of sugar and consider that a NON-SUGAR dessert. Apparently that IS the case. Not much of a test of their ingenuity then.

This challenge is brought to us by Diet Dr. Pepper, so Ariane is using one of those.

Jamie is using agave syrup. That’s even sweeter than sugar, so where’s the problem? How in the world is Carla going to make baklava with banana ice cream in 45 minutes?

Ariane is making a whole wheat crêpe with Diet Dr. Pepper. That sounds dreadful. Why are they all making this such a big deal, if they can use other sweeteners? Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Padma yells, “Utensils down” while J-C stands in the background… We see his strong hand stroking his chin, as he waits to judge them.

Fabio says it’s a pleasure to meet him. His dish is Granola and Oat Tart with Eggless Pastry Cream and Fresh Berries. Ick.

Jean-C, with an unbuttoned shirt straining my powers of concentration, says, “Are you pleased with this? I believe the cream was not cooked enough.”

Ooh, he’s tough. Sorry, Fabio, this time you’re not top dog in the pheromone category. Fabio mentions (to us, not Jean-C) that Italy beat France in the world cup 2 years ago. He thinks that the French judge is probably holding a grudge about that.

On to Jeff’s dish. He tells Padma to scoop something or other and put it somewhere or other. SHE should tell HIM where to put it.

Frozen Cherry and White Fig Yogurt with a Baklava Spring Roll

Is he rolling up a bunch a phyllo and filling it with honey and nuts and calling it baklava? Oh, I guess that IS what it is…mostly, but the spring rolls look very dry and the yogurt looks like it has old flowers in it. J-C: Very interesting combination. Jeff: Thank YOU.

Hosea looks really worried and he’s not even next. Eugene makes
Mini Blini “Burgers” with Banana Lumpias “Fries”. Cute idea, but not exactly a healthy concept, which is part of what they were looking for. J-C: Very original.

Padma says to Melissa, “What did you DO?” almost as if she was accusing her of something. Oh, she might be. She made a Baked Dessert Burrito with Greek Yogurt Sauce. That is about the worst name for a dessert that I’ve ever heard. It gives no clue as to what’s inside and baking a burrito doesn’t give me much hope. Nothing about it says delectable dessert.

We hear NOTHING from the chef, except "Thank you". Probably not a good sign.

Radhika
Bread Pudding with Sautéed White Peach and Roasted Cashews
I don’t love Radhika, but that sounds the best so far. J-C looks into her eyes and says “It’s very adventurous.”

I can be that too, Jean-Christophe!” Oh my, did I just say that out loud? Pardon me.

They move to Leah, who seems to be keeping her voice rather low and sexy. Listen, I’m all for using whatever you’ve got. She's made Crêpe with Whipped Ricotta, Strawberries and Balsamic Reduction. THAT could be good too. “C’est bon. Very interesting”, says J-C. I just noticed he’s wearing a gold necklace, which can be very manly…in a metro way.

Stefan has a glass of Diet Dr. Pepper sitting out next to Sugar-free Chocolate Mousse with Cherries. THAT will not be good, I predict. Just as replacing fat with sugar is often not a good idea, replacing sugar with dreck isn’t either.

Jean-Christophe asks where Stefan is from. He says France and J-C is about to react to that when Stefan says, “No I’m kidding, I’m Finnish.” (More like finished, if you ask me.) Then Stefan says that Chocolate Mousse comes from Finland. JC looks terribly unamused and again Stefan says, “I’m kidding”. I’M not kidding when I say that a jejune statement to a serious Frenchman about FOOD is not the way to go to win this.

Hosea does Green Figs and White Peaches Brushed with Honey and Balsamic. Whoopsie, there’s a bright green puddle of something on the plate, which looks more worrying than delightful. J-C asks “Have you tried this?” Uh-oh. Hosea says “Yes,” and that he was happy with it. I’m thinking Jean-C wasn’t.

Ariane is so friendly, down to earth and clueless as she’s being judged by an Adonis. She has made Whole Wheat Crêpe with Caramelized Pears and Toasted Almonds. I don’t like crêpes enough to like whole wheat ones, unless of course, they’re buckwheat blinis lavished with sour cream and caviar.

She offers her French judge a little whipped cream. NON, bien sur, no whipped cream, he says gravely. Ariane looks a bit aghast that he turns it down because it looks overwhipped. But really, WHO would turn down whipped cream, because it went a second too long?

He says, “You can see clearly”, as he spoons through the cream. He’s RIGHT! It’s just this side of turning into butter. No one knows ingredients like the French. He just glanced at it to know it wasn’t right. Ariane complains to the camera that he’s literally picking apart everyone’s dessert. No actually, just hers.

Why is the next chef’s name spelled “Jaime”? (Have I been spelling her name wrong this whole time and no one told me? If you EVER see a mistake, PLEASE tell me and I will correct it instantly.) Nope, THEY seem to be spelling it wrong. On Bravo’s website, she's definitely Jamie.

Jamie is making a Ricotta, Mascarpone, Peach, Nectarine and Cherry Napoleon. I bet that will be good. She is unfazed by Jean-Christophe’s sex appeal. (I don’t care which team she plays for, he’s incredibly attractive.) J-C tastes and gives a whew sound and then says “Very interesting”. Actually, maybe his English doesn’t allow for more elaborate comments…or maybe he’s saving them.

Carla STARTS by saying “what I ENDED UP WITH today was…” That’s not good. Don’t sound defeated before the judging has even started. She has made Baklava with Chocolate Discs and Fried Bananas. She says her intention was to do an ice cream. Don’t be going on about your INTENTION, Carla. THIS is what you’re presenting, stand behind it and pretend it’s good even if it stinks! We hear none of his remarks.

The results:
His least favorites?
He says without hesitation Carla, because the bananas were bland…and NOT because something didn’t freeze, it just didn’t taste that great.

Next is Ariane. Oh well…but he does say her name beautifully in three syllables just rolling off his tongue. The last one is Jamie. Really? I thought he loved hers. He says the cheese overpowered the dish. She nods in agreement.

He names Radhika’s as the first dish that he liked. J-C believed it was a excellent combination. Then he picked Leah’s. He likes the touch of balsamic vinegar in the dish. And then Jeff’s. “Well-done”, he said. I thought it looked underwhelming. Chef Jean-Christophe picks Radhika as his favorite. She actually smiles for once. She reminds us in a slightly smirking way that she wins immunity “again”.

Stay tuned for the Elimination Challenge.