The Storm Between Paula And Tony And Is This The SAME Tony Bourdain Who Gave It To Alice Waters For Being An Elitist?

Last week, I noticed that the dustup between Tony and Paula was getting pretty heated. It was even commented upon on the Op-Ed page* of the NY Times last week. I guess what the grand dame of heart-stoppingly good Southern cuisine and the bad boy of the professional kitchen have to say about each other must be pretty important.

To recap, Anthony Bourdain spoke ill of several Food Network hosts – Paula, Guy, Aunt Sandy and RR in an interview with TV Guide. He said, “The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she's proud of the fact that her food is f---ing bad for you."

He doesn’t stop there:

“If I were on at seven at night and loved by millions of people at every age, I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it's OK to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks."

We got Paula’s response on Page Six of the Daily News:

“Anthony Bourdain needs to get a life. You don’t have to like my food, or Rachael’s, Sandra’s and Guy’s. But it’s another thing to attack our character.“

Paula continues, "Not everyone can afford to pay $58 for prime rib or $650 for a bottle of wine. (BINGO, Paula!) My friends and I cook for regular families who worry about feeding their kids and paying the bills . . . It wasn’t that long ago that I was struggling to feed my family, too.”

Why is this news? Bourdain’s been making negative comments about television cooking hosts forever. Actually, I thought Tony had slowed down his Rachael-Ray-is-the-most-evil-thing-on-the-planet rants (not that I totally disagree, but only about her cooking, not her personhood). I guess he has a new season of No Reservations to promote.

The real reason this particular back and forth has caught fire now is that Paula’s response has touched a nerve. She knows what it’s like to be on the other side of affluence – having been through a divorce, agoraphobia and economic worries. She may be living on easy street now, but no one can deny it was an uphill battle filled with hard work and sacrifice.

By portraying Tony’s diatribe as an attack on the have-nots by the haves, who casually order hugely expensive restaurant meals and think nothing of buying any ingredient they fancy, no matter the price, (as long as it’s politically correct), Paula has struck a chord.

The ironic thing is that Tony took Paula’s side of this argument against Alice Waters not so long ago. It must be inconvenient for him to remember that he railed against Alice Waters’ philosophy of supporting local farmers and pushing organic, farm fresh foods as being incredibly rarified and elitist. He said this in 2007:

"We're all in the middle of a recession, like we're all going to start buying expensive organic food and running to the green market. There's something very Khmer Rouge about Alice Waters that has become unrealistic."

Tony ends with this statement – “I’m a little uncomfortable with legislating good eating habits.” HUH?!!! Why the diatribe against Paula, then?

Why is it, when arguing against Alice Waters, that Tony feels we should have the choice to eat whatever we want? But he doesn’t allow the same freedom of food expression to Paula and her fans.

Our dastardly eating habits come from so many places. Paula is not the number one cause. I’d look to too much television time and paying too much attention to video screens as pretty high on the list of what we should change. Our sedentary lifestyle is the root cause for many of our obesity issues.

If we worked in the fields or paced factory floors or even walked up and down 20 flights of stairs a day, the story would be different. But many of us work and play (and eat) in front of screens and unless we’re bicycling or elliptical-ing at the same time, WHATEVER we eat is just going to sit there…no matter what it is.

No one home to cook or teach youngsters how to cook is another problem. It IS amazing how many people do not know simple kitchen basics. Adding a cooking curriculum to schools would be one great way to foster a healthier lifestyle in every family.

The list goes on and on. Bad food available cheaply and plentifully is another reason why so many eat so poorly. Lack of fresh food in many neighborhoods is a huge problem.

I can’t criticize Paula for all of our nutritional woes. I would feel as if I were saying something bad about a beloved aunt. Plus Paula has such a cozy way of welcoming us into her kitchen.

Anthony Bourdain is as warm and cuddly as a rattlesnake, even if I’m sure his culinary likes and dislikes are a lot close to mine than Paula’s are. I also like his sense of humor, although I do find him a bit scary. But does he really not see the contradiction in criticizing Alice Waters for demanding fresh, local food (especially to kids), and, at the same time, blasting Paula for cooking feel-good food and working with a company that gives loads of (okay, not the healthiest) food away every year?

Isn’t it obvious how incongruous it is that TODAY he’s playing the Alice Waters’ role and PAULA is playing his, by crying foul, that the normal person can’t afford high falutin’ baby squashes or rainbow colors of kale, whatever that is anyway.

Frank Bruni makes a good point in comparing Tony’s harangue to what’s going on in Washington. The tenor of the Tony’s remarks (actually they’re more like rants) is the opposite of an open-hearted, kind-spirited conversation to find common ground.

On the subject of food, at least, it’s a shame that something that can bring so much joy, not to mention actual physical sustenance, is being used as a way to demonize one’s opponents.

Of course, there are gads of tough practical issues and some moral ones too. What if KFC offered to give away millions of pounds of food to poor school children? What if they offered to supply free school lunches across America? Probably the people in charge would say no. But does that mean they would prefer kids to go hungry than to eat KFC?

What if Cool Whip were offered in every shelter and soup kitchen? Obviously, to that one I would say no and hope a more healthful alternative could be found. But that’s easy for someone with a full refrigerator (before the hurricane, at least) and pantry stocked with extras to say. To folks with few alternatives, free ham or cheap hamburgers at least fills them up to fight another day.

It’s hard to disagree with Tony that people should eat better and make better choices. I’ve always agreed when Alice Waters has said the same thing. But the best way to make that happen probably does not include accusing sweet Paula of crimes against humanity and berating the food so venomously that she offers with such love and affection.

*And isn’t it interesting that The Times now has TWO food-centric writers on their Op-Ed and Opinion pages? Frank Bruni AND Mark Bittman.)

Hurricane Irene Update

First things first.

Are you all okay? Did you weather Hurricane Irene safely? It’s heartbreaking to hear about the people who lost their lives. I hope you and your families and friends are all fine.

I was in the middle of writing a post saying things were pretty good in my neck of the woods. There was no water in the basement and only a one tree and a couple of big branches came down. It was quite windy, but we really thought we dodged a bullet. And then the power went out. That was Sunday afternoon. It came back on all around us fairly quickly, but my immediate neighbors and I weren’t so lucky. Ours was off for 37 hours and 28 minutes, which, I admit, felt at times like 37 days. It came back on at 3:40 this morning. I was never so happy to be shocked awake by bright lights. (My father, with lights on a different state, suggested that next time we should really pay our bill on time.)

Now that we have power, I know how lucky we really were. There was massive flooding all over Central New Jersey.  The stories that I’ve been listening to on local radio are really grim. And the situation in Vermont, where we were a few weeks ago for such a
happy occasion, is truly tragic.  

East Coasters, how do you think your officials handled things? Our blustering governor is certainly not everyone’s cup of tea, but I suppose natural disasters require straight talk. Our local town officials were superb. Thank goodness for Twitter and some wonderful local bloggers, who gathered this area's information and posted throughout the weekend. Our local Police Department has a wonderful tweetster or two, who is still tweeting useful information. That’s where we learned we could go to our local high school to recharge our phones yesterday. We had been sitting in the car charging things before that.

I know we also averted another disaster on Saturday night in the form of a tornado. We had a tornado warning after 11 pm, as millions of you did. A “warning” is the bad one you’re supposed to worry about. (A tornado WATCH should just make you feel vaguely uneasy.) We still had power, so I was following the storm on the local news. I went into the basement, but I won’t mention the family member who didn’t. (Oh, I just did.) He just went back to sleep after saying that if he heard a freight train, he’d be right down. I did implore him to join me, because I thought it would be really awkward if only I survived, but no dice. Luckily, 18 minutes later, when the warning was over, I emerged unscathed and H was snoring.

Okay, back to cleaning out the fridge. The dairy and meat were easy calls, but the half-used jars of hoisin sauce and bottles of Rose’s lime juice are tough. I suppose I’ll chuck it all.

One more thing, The Red Cross is always there in these emergencies. To learn more about what they do and get or give help, click here. 

Don’t Get Scared, Get Prepared

This is what our insurance company sent out. It does sound a bit dramatic, but I’d rather be over-prepared. The beach is 45 minutes away, so I’m hoping a lot of this is just being super-cautious.

Hurricane preparedness checklist

Preparing for hurricanes can be the difference between minor damage and catastrophic loss. The following information is intended to guide you in your preparation

• Create a Disaster Plan. Plan an evacuation route in advance and determine where you would go if you need to evacuate.
• Prepare a survival kit. Stock up on drinking water, non-perishable goods, a first-aid kit and medicine for everyone including your pet. Include extra clothing, blankets, batteries, flashlights and a portable radio
• Conduct a Home Hazard Hunt and make your home as safe as possible. Secure all objects such as garbage cans and lawn furniture. Bring potted plants, mobile grills and any free standing, lightweight items indoors. Be sure all awnings are closed and secured. Tie down any other loose items that may become projectiles in a high wind.
• Review how to shut off utilities in an emergency with all family members.
• Make sure you have insurance policies with claim contact information, an inventory of your home’s contents, and cash.
• Exterior Drains. Clear rain gutters and ground level drains of any debris to avoid water backing up.
• Windows and Doors. If your home is equipped with shutters or panels, now is the time to use them. If you do not have shutters, close and lock windows and doors to minimize the chance of them blowing open, or of water being blown through gaps.
• Move Furniture and Household Fixtures. Move them away from exterior door and window openings. If possible, elevate these items and cover them with plastic.
• Secure Household Appliances. Appliances, including personal computers, should be unplugged and stored away in cabinets or interior closets.
• Test and Refuel Your Backup Generator. If you have installed a gas-powered generator as a backup power supply in your home, regularly test it to ensure that t is operational at the time you need it. When a storm approaches, run another quick test and make sure that plenty of fuel is available.
• Stay Aware. Stay tuned to weather advisories and evacuation notices. Also, know your community’s hurricane safety plan and develop a family emergency evacuation plan. Follow official notifications for a safe return home following an evacuation.

To recap, these are the things I’ll be bringing inside:

Garbage cans

Hoses

Outdoor Chairs

Flower pots

Welcome Mat

Other precautions:

Locate flashlights with batteries

Fill car with gas

Charge cellphones, which may not work

Charge computers

(I hope you have unclogged gutters. I do, as of 7 minutes ago.)

As for food supplies, have 3 days of water on hand (1 gallon per person/per day is what the Red Cross says).

If you don’t have a normally well-stocked pantry, I would get:

• 2 To 3 Loaves Of Bread
• Peanut Butter
• Jam (Jelly Is Awful)
• Tuna (I’m advising my 20-something son to get tuna in bags. If there’s no water, he doesn’t want to be dealing with opening and draining a CAN of tuna fish.)
• Canned or boxed soup, that isn’t dreadful at room temperature
• Balsamic and white wine vinegar - to add to the soup to jazz it up. (You’d be surprised how much brightness a bit of vinegar can add.)
• Chocolate-Covered Oreos. (That’s not on the Red Cross list.)
• Red Wine (for its room temperature drinkability, of course)

I would also look for any other easily-opened canned food that can eaten unwarmed, if necessary. And take today to bake something wonderful that can be held at room temperature - cookies, coffee cake, muffins.

More information here.

I hope you have someone warm and wonderful to ride out the storm with (OR TO EVACUATE WITH, if that's what you're instructed to do). H has already told me there will be no board games. >:-(  But if he wants me to jazz up his canned chili with vinegar, he better be ready to play this. Or I may not tell him where those Oreos are…)

Stay safe!

Another Show About A Baker…But Where’s The Baking?

It's all fine and good to write about reality television, but then you would know that I WATCH that stuff. I really was trying to watch a COOKING show and it's not my fault that it turned into a typical reality show with a bit of cookery in the background. 

 

I came across this perfectly adorable and very talented young baker, Vinny from Staten Island, for the first time recently when he made Hoda’s (or maybe it was Katheeee Leeee’s) birthday cake.

 

I had never heard of Vincent (Vinny) Buzzetta before. He has a show on the WE network, which isn’t that easy to find. After I finally located the channel, I couldn’t find the show. I ended up watching “Staten Island Cakes” online, because WE doesn’t show it nearly as much as they do Bridezillas, which I can perfectly well understand. There are few things as entertaining as watching a bride go bombastic on reality television.

I watched Vinny’s “Spooktacular” episode and, gosh, did he get into a lot of zany trouble! For one thing, he was seriously overbooked with nutty clients. He had a Sweet 16 cake to do for a girl who should really watch My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. That seems pretty close to what she was going for. And because her party had a Halloween theme, she was also asking for a gory, grisly cake. Vinny was happy to comply.

Then there was the matter of the zoo cakes. These zoo folks came to Vinny at the last minute (which happens to Buddy all the time) and not only asked for one giant and one NOT-so-giant Alice in Wonderland cake, they also wanted TWO THOUSAND cupcakes. This was when insanity ensued over at the Buzzetta household.

Vinny and his “animated” (read that as aggressive, forceful, domineering, screeching, teased and over-painted, but very youthful looking even so) mom, Cammy Picciano, tell his sister Kristin that she has to be at the zoo event to help out.

 

Kristin says she has a life and she hates the zoo. Plus she has to have to her tail lights tinted. (I don’t think that’s New Yawk talk for some kind of plastic surgery, but I could be wrong.)

 

“MA!!!” she screams, “We’re not the Brady Bunch and we don’t have to do everything together.” Vinny calls Kristin a witch with a “b”. Okay, this is definitely verging on cur-razeee.

 

Something occurred to me as I watched Vinny’s caterwauling sister. I bet I can predict which television baker is your favorite, based on your favorite reality show.

Ready? If you are a Jersey Shore aficionado, then Vinny and his wacky family will probably be right up your alley.

Maybe you go nuts for the Real NJ Housewives? Buddy is definitely your man then.

So which reality show relates to the crazy crew at Charm City Cakes? Hmm, I know! Duff and friends probably have the same audience as that exterminator guy! (Have you ever seen him? He’s radical.)

Wait, there’s a problem with my analysis. Kristin is not only channeling some of the Jersey Shore inmates, but she also seems to be the twin of one of the NJ Housewives’ bratty daughters, Ashley. (Do NOT ask me how I know that. In my defense, I have tons of UNWATCHED episodes of the Real Housewives on Tivo, but I did happen to catch an altercation between Ashley and her mother Jacqueline.)

 

I know this is only my first exposure to Vinny and famiglia, but I do have the feeling that at the end of the day, Kristin will show up at the zoo event and everyone will be all huggy-kissy? (Ya think?)

 

After the altercation with his sister, we see Vinny at his bakeshop. He seems to run it the way a kid would run a lemonade stand. He keeps calling Mom when he runs out of things. First it’s brown sugar and then, after one of his assistants drops tons of eggs, he discovers he’s also run out of bleach. Buddy would rather bake a cake eggless, I think, than to axe his mother to run to the store for him.

Vinny works on a surprise to go with the Sweet 16 cake. He conducts a test of lighting cans of sterno gel to make a ring of fire around the cake. All he gets is dangerous explosions. He moves on to an idea for a chocolate skull with “blood” inside. That doesn’t go too well either.

Cousin Joe is on hand to help him with phone calls and anything he needs (unlike his sister). Cousin Joe looks more like an uncle than a cousin.

Mom comes to the store with some small kid. Does Vinny have a little brother? And where is Dad? Apparently Mom has a husband, but that’s not Dad, to Vinny anyway.

Mom takes Vinny aside and says he has to apologize to his sister. Fine! He says finally. He goes home and goes to her room. He uses the word b*tch a hundred times. I don’t like that. He says he’s sorry and that he was out of line. The truth is she WAS a witch. SHE says he’s only apologizing because he needs her. (HE tells US she knows him too well.) She says he could have axed her nicely.

What does this have to do with baking? Where is the masterful decorating? Where are the icing roses? I haven’t even seen one cannoli this entire time!

Ashley, I mean Kristin, says, “I’m just not going to do anything if you demand me.” That’s not a typo, that’s what she said.

They all sit down to dinner. Who are all those people? Granny and Grandpa are there. And the husband of the mother is there too.

Oh, there is some family values time happening. Granny reminds Vinny when he was small and he wanted to help with the cheesecake. She let him run the Mixmaster and he put it on high speed and it went everywhere. (Every family has a story like that. Mine is the peach soufflé on the ceiling.) Let’s see if Vinny got a whooping or if Granny laughed at the mess.

Seriously, that can be a turning point in a kid’s life. If he feels supported and encouraged, that will make him want to pursue his passion, no matter how much hard work is involved. I’m guessing Granny had no problem with the batter on the walls and probably got to work breaking another 10 eggs and having little Vinny beat another 2 pounds of cream cheese. Let’s see if that’s what she remembers too.

Darn! She doesn’t say, but Vinny says there’s no way he would be celebrating his store’s 2nd anniversary without his family’s support, so Gran must have been okay with the mess.

During dinner, they also reminisce about Kristin’s sweet 16 which sounds Real Housewives’ worthy. She had THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY people there and professional dancers and lots of cardboard cutouts of herself, which are still in the house. Vinny brings one to the table. Kristen says her wedding will top that. Oy! SHE should watch Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

Vinny is back at his shop and he says finishing the Sweet 16 cake is going to be a “b*tch of a day". He has kid assistants (just like him) and they all look tremendously talented. Mom comes to help him carry the cake to the party. It’s a big drama. WHY don’t they have a trolley with wheels?!!

They deliver it safely and assemble a lot of it there. (Then what was the drama for?) It IS amazing. Vinny is worried that the top is going to fall off as he wheels it out. It’s okay AND he managed to come up with a chocolate skull that didn’t shatter as the birthday girl cuts through it to reveal “blood”. Ew. She’s happy, so I guess that’s all that matters.

Next, we see Vinny making an Alice in Wonderland “Display Cake”. That means that it’s not edible. Wow, all that work and they can’t even eat it. I know they teach that in pastry school, but isn’t that kind of pointless in the real world?

Vinny’s gal assistants giggle at him when he wants to go over how they’re going to deal with 2000 kids decorating cupcakes. They run around the kitchen chasing each other with cupcakes.

Sister Kristin comes to do his makeup for the zoo Halloween party. (Is she perhaps a student of beauty? That’s so Real Housewives.) Kristin sprays on foundation. (I didn't even know you could do that until Jerseylicious...I'm just trying to shock you now.) She tells Vinny to look up and then look down. That starts a yelling match, because he explains that he’s never put on makeup before.

Okay, THIS IS FUNNY. I could see my own kids fighting like this. Vinny feels uncomfortable to begin with because he’s wearing a costume AND makeup. AND Kristin is not doing one little thing to help him feel more comfortable. This IS like RHNJ and JS mixed up in one.

This IS getting a little weird. Why does he have to wear red lipstick and a magenta Lady Gaga wig? Vinny says this not your typical cake drop-off.

They’re at the zoo and there’s a huge line of kids getting cupcakes. I’m not sure what’s going on and who’s supposed to be decorating - the assistants or the kids? Then Vinny has to go out during the Alice in Wonderland performance and bring out one of his display cakes. It was kind of strange. His sister says he looked great up on stage…in HER makeup.

At the end of the day, what have we learned? That kids in Staten Island have foul mouths? Nah, I think that’s probably everywhere. I think we learned that if you have a kid who has a passion, let him or her follow it where it leads them - not to sound too Oprahish… (Oh, what the hey? She’s done pretty well.)

Vinny is amazingly young, 21, so I can’t yet put him in the same category as his older baking counterparts, but he does have something that Duff and Buddy have in spades. And that’s an amazing talent and drive for baking and creating jaw-dropping cakes. He IS already a baking sensation. Plus he’s really cute, has great hair and tweets with alarming regularity, so he’s all set for a life in the limelight. I just hope Mama stays close and he continues to hone his baking skills.

His show, though, could use some maturing. Staten Island Cakes often feels like it’s not only its young star who is amateurish, but all the other people inhabiting the screen are as well, AND, worst of all, the people pushing the buttons BEHIND the scenes! You can just hear them saying, “Have a fight with the cupcakes.” “Have a fight with your sister.” “Have a fight with the table.”  

I know Cake Boss isn’t that much different sometimes. But, because Buddy's actual cake-making is highlighted more, it seems less burlesque. 

Part Two - A Veal Throwdown –Will Ina Take It?

Barefoot Contessa with Ina Garten

Post Cards From Paris

Country French Omelet

Veal Chops with Roquefort Butter

Potato Basil Purée

Double Hot Chocolate

In Part One, we saw Anne preparing veal schnitzel. Now we’re going to watch Ina grill veal chops and determine whose dish reigns supreme.

Before Ina came on, I saw the last minute or two of RR. Rach looked like she was in a sauna. She was leaning over a pan that had a full head of steam billowing from it and she had a giant red bath towel over her arm. (Oh wait, that was one of her hugely hazardous dish towels that must start fires every single day in kitchens all over America.)

Guess what she was making? A burger. Surprise, surprise and it not only had meat on the inside, it was topped with baked salami just for good measure. (Don’t ask me what the steam was from. For all I know, she was boiling the burger…or the bun.)

Oh, good, the Contessa is on and I love the premise of this episode. Since she and Jeffrey love Paris so much, they decide they’re taking the day off and pretending they’re in Paris. Sounds great, but doesn’t that really mean that Ina is in the kitchen all day slaving away to give the tastes of Paree to her darling Jeffrey? Actually, let’s think about that. Have we EVER seen Ina SLAVING away? She makes it all seem so easy.

Anyway, our task is to see if her veal dish can stand up to Anne’s. It might be hard to compete with that luscious combination of textures and flavors. What does Ina have in store for us? She’s making “flame-grilled veal chops” with a Roquefort butter. Sorry, Anne, THIS WILL BE CLOSE. Jeffrey’s in charge of the wine.

Ina tells us about the country omelet from Café Varenne. She says when they arrive at their apartment in Paris they drop their bags, have breakfast and then go right out to lunch. A woman after my own heart.

Here is the omelet recipe. Now, THIS is interesting. Ina says she likes this recipe, because it’s one big omelet made for two and that she dislikes cooking separate things for people, like pancakes on Sunday morning. She prefers making one big thing. Really?!! She’s always talking about how she likes individual servings of things like cupcakes or anything served in ramekins. And, she loves making up individual lunch bags too. Oh well, consistency is probably an overrated trait.

Jeffrey wanders in just in time to have half the omelet, while Ina tells him what they’re having for dinner. He’s happy to participate in the Paris-eating day.

Like Anne, Ina is serving her veal with a potato dish. She’s doing a potato basil purée. She blanches the basil to set the green color before puréeing it and adding it to the potatoes.

Ina shows us a video from Le Bistrot de Paris, where she got the inspiration for this dish. This potato purée certainly is competition for Anne’s German Potato Salad.

Jeffrey heads over to the wine store. The wine guy suggests a Côtes du Rhône, a Châteauneuf-du-Pape or a Gigondas. He goes with the last choice, because it’s from Raspail and Ina likes the Raspail market in Paris. What does that have to do with the price of eggs? Anyway.

Jeffrey stops somewhere secret to pick up a surprise for Ina. We have to wait too to find out what it is. Maybe he’s bringing her a bottle of Chanel No. 5 or he's found an outpost for Bulgari in the Hamptons and he’s bringing her a 50 carat diamond necklace. If it’s a box of brownies, I WILL be disappointed, if only because that’s so been there/done that .

Ina tells us about the butcher on the Rue du Bac which inspired this dish. The veal chops there are probably the same price as a small house.

Ina SALTS and peppers both sides of two 1 inch thick veal chops and leaves them at room temperature for 15 to 20 minutes, so they cook “better”. (You should do that with all meat.)

Ina takes a stroll around Versailles, sorry, her Hampton’s house, to get to the grill. (We’re talking REAL grill, no gas for her and she must have had the serfs prepare the fire.) Ina oils the grate and puts the chops right in the middle of the grill and cooks them for 6 to 8 minutes on each side. She turns them. Gosh, do they look awesome...

We see Jeffrey turning into Loaves and Fishes. PLEASE, no brownies. He greets Stefan and picks up a Tarte Tatin. How sweet! How appropriate! He says it looks like it came from Café Flore, another of their favorite Parisian haunts. Awww, that is dear.

Ina says when you don’t have time to make a sauce, just make a flavored butter. She whips one up easily by beating room temperature butter with Roquefort until completely smooth. She beats in a bit of chopped scallions and rolls the mixture into a log about an inch in diameter. You can keep it frozen and ready to use.

Ina serves up one veal chop for each of them and the potatoes. She drizzles the veal with the juices that collected on the plate and tops them with TWO pats of butter. No veg?

Darling Ina and Jeffrey eat outside as they remember Café Flore. Then Jeffrey leaves the table (with their plates still in front of them). He returns seconds later (to a completely cleared table) and carries over the Tarte Tatin. Ina is pleased as punch. Surprised, though, might be an overstatement, but it’s nice to know that after 43(!!!) years together, he still TRIES to surprise her. Cute.

Even after all that warmth and fuzziness, I have to include one of her “Ask Ina” questions (from a real ninny). Andy wants to know how to avoid his chicken turning purple when he makes coq au vin. Really??? Ina gets up from her computer and moves effortlessly a few steps over and, voila, a big pot of coq au vin is bubbling away on the stovetop. She shows us its purple color and says he really has no problem, but he could always use a white burgundy if he really wanted to.

I have to get back to the veal, but she answers another question, this one about how to make Angelina’s hot chocolate. OMG, I LOVE Angelina’s!

Ina’s hot chocolate recipe is wonderful, but I’m not sure it will be quite as sweet or thick as the real stuff.

Ina pours 2½ cups of whole milk in a saucepan over medium heat and adds two cups of half and half. She heats that just below the boil and adds chopped bittersweet and milk chocolates, a tablespoon of sugar and a teaspoon each of vanilla and instant espresso.

Ina LOVES adding coffee to chocolate. I’m not sure that’s in the original, but you’ll hear no complaints from me.

Okay, so who won the veal cook-off? This is tough. I feel as if Anne gave us a better LESSON with the breading and all; plus the fork tip for testing potatoes was particularly valuable.

BUT it’s pretty hard not to judge Ina as the top chef when you see how happy her cooking has kept Jeffrey for FORTY THREE years.

I’m going with the romantic choice here and say Anne’s schnitzel rocked, but Ina’s veal chop kept her and Jeffrey rolling towards many more meals together. Ina takes it.

A Veal Throwdown – Who Will Take It? Anne Or Ina? Plus The Intricacies Of Flour, Egg And Crumbing - Part One

Secrets of a Restaurant Chef with Anne Burrell

Secret to Schnitzel

Veal Chop Holstein Schnitzel

German Potato Salad

I didn’t even know that people still COOKED veal, much less ordered it in restaurants, but Ina and Anne duked it out this weekend over the best veal dish. Actually, the smackdown was in my own head, but since they were both doing veal dishes, I decided to pay close attention so I could judge who would become the veal champ.

A short preface, though…I wish they’d been cooking something other than veal, which is particularly difficult to justify eating. There’s really no great way to keep the meat super-tender without restricting the movement of the baby calf. Even if one avoids veal, non-meat eaters have a much easier time explaining the rationale of their diets, of course, than those who eat meat. This whole veal (and meat-eating) thing is a huge subject and I could go on for pages and pages, but for today, let’s just say that I don’t ever buy veal or order it.

But I am interested is seeing Anne and Ina’s different approaches to their dishes, and I have no problem seeing what I can learn and transferring it to something besides veal. (It’s a shame they’re not both doing beet salads, but this is what I have to work with today…)

Anne is up first and she’s making Holstein schnitzel. What does that mean? Veal from a Holstein cow? Nope, it means schnitzel with a fried egg on top. Really?!! I’ll eat a fried egg on top of anything, except maybe a chocolate soufflé.

We see Anne serving the schnitzel with fried egg in her restaurant as “schnitzel with a smile”. She’s also making an amazing sounding German Potato Salad.

For the schnitzel, Anne starts with boneless veal chops, which she butterflies and then pounds out between sheets of plastic wrap.

I’ll be watching to make sure she has a dedicated cutting board for the veal, which I’m sure she will. Oh, yup, she is working on a plastic cutting board placed on top of her wooden cutting board. Good.

Anne flattens the meat in an interesting way. She brings her metal mallet down on the meat and then uses a sweeping motion to carry the mallet forward.

It's good that she actually describes to us what she’s doing. She calls it “Hit and drag”. This is so interesting. She brings the mallet down into the middle of veal chop and then drags it to the outside edge. She turns the chop just a scooch and repeats the same motion all around the veal.

What this does is to flatten out the center and thin out the edges. Anne says she’s trying to get the widest surface area possible. She ends up with a wid-ish rectangle with oval edges.

Anne moves on to breading. Don’t tell me! Flour, egg and crumb. I could do that with one hand tied behind my back. And I mean I LITERALLY do that with one hand behind my back.

I use only my right hand as I’m dipping, egging and crumbing, so if there’s a need to open the fridge, kill an ant or sip a cocktail, I have a free hand.

My other self-discipline in coating protocol is to get my hand ooky only up to my second knuckle. There’s no reason your entire hand should ever be involved. (I also put a spoon in the crumbs, so if I miss a place, I can easily toss some extra crumbs over.)

Back to Anne...I wonder, if because she’s on television, she will be handling the meat with tongs. That would mean no dirty-hand issues. But I do find I get a more even coating by hand.

Oh, and don’t forget (no matter what your recipe says) to add a tablespoon of water to every egg. It makes it less gloppy. I love Anne! She just said that.

I am a bit surprised that she’s using commercial bread crumbs. Isn’t that what leftover heels of bread are for?

Anne explains that the flour makes the egg stick, and the egg makes the bread crumbs stick. And she likes to coat the veal (or anything, I suppose) the day before. It’s okay if you don’t, she says, but do let the veal to hang out in the fridge for at least an hour before frying.

Anne has a slightly different version of my one-hand rule. She uses one hand for the dry stuff – the flour and bread crumbs – and the other hand for the wet stuff – the egg. That’s smart, but I still like my one hand method, because I’m so persnickety about not touching anything, when I’ve had my hands in contact with raw flesh.

This is funny. Anne most assuredly DOES use her entire hand in the process. She pats the bread crumbs on with the palm of her hand. I must say the veal looks perfectly coated.

To cook the veal, Anne adds peanut oil (for its high smoking temperature) and butter (for its flavor and the fact that it colors the food beautifully) to a sauté pan.

She takes the schnitzel from the fridge and, ooh, there is a small contamination issue that’s making me uneasy and it is so unnecessary. After she coated it, Anne laid the breaded veal on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet. BUT instead of covering it with a separate piece of parchment paper, she made the first piece double-sized and just folded it over the top to cover the food while it sat in the fridge.

THEN she uncovered it and unfolded the top back under the bottom of the baking sheet and placed it on an unused burner. What that means is that the parchment paper that touched the top of the RAW VEAL is now touching the stovetop.

While that’s less serious than if it were on a cutting board that you were using for lettuce, it still gives me the heebie-jeebies. (Is this a gift or a curse that I have for seeing potential contamination in EVERYTHING?!! If you could see the inside of my house, you’d know I’m nowhere near as painful as I sound, BUT I do take food safety seriously.)

Anyhoo, Anne continues by telling us that you never want to crowd the pan, because soggy schnitzel would be so sad after all that work.

One note about the German potato salad. Anne is quite forthright in her opinion on how to test a potato for doneness and whether you should use a fork or a paring knife. She says to definitely use a fork, which gives you a much more accurate result. Uh-oh, I usually use a skewer, which would be even worse. Does it count that it’s from Dehillerin?

Anne tells us that anytime she fries, she gets her “drying situation” all set up. (I love her.) She gets paper towels on a baking sheet ready. WAIT, I have a better idea! I use ONE paper towel on top of newspaper.

Anne says (rightly) that frying food properly is not easy. You want it crispy, without being greasy. You know your pan is at the right temperature when you add the food and there is just a little sizzle – “not too crazy”.

She fries up her first two schnitzel, then she changes the oil and butter for her second batch, so the breadcrumbs in the pan don’t get all burned. When it’s browned on both sides, she puts it on the paper towel and sprinkles over a little salt on both sides. She keeps them warm on a rack in a 200°F oven.

Anne moves on to a little sauce for the schnitzel and fried egg. She smashes a few garlic cloves and cooks them in oil. She adds a few anchovy fillets and tells us she uses that trick in the restaurant a lot to add a rich flavor to dishes. When people ask what that wonderful flavor is she tells them and they say, “Ick, anchovies!” I admit I’m guilty of sneaking in anchovies too. Only vegetarians are free from my sneaking. Anne also adds chopped capers to her sauce. (Interesting. I’ve NEVER chopped a caper.)

When we come back, Anne is frying 4 eggs in one pan. She’s brave. She’s cooking them very gently and will be serving them sunny side up. I admit I always over-easy my eggs, because of egg white-mucus concerns.

Anne adds a bit of butter to the anchovy sauce. She tastes it for seasoning. It doesn’t need salt, of course.

She serves up her German potato salad, adds a schnitzel to her plate. Then she manages to scrap out a perfect egg from that crowded pan and place it on top of the veal. (That REALLY is all about the perfect utensil. She uses a FLAT, thin, flexible spatula that can bend and get under the egg without breaking it.)

Anne tops the egg with just a bit of her caper anchovy sauce. (She also added a bit of chopped parsley at the end.)

“Warm and crispy,” she proclaims, as she takes a big taste after breaking the yolk. Anne practically snorts with delight. Her Grüner Veltliner makes her even happier. Can Ina beat this dish? Let’s see…in Part Two.

Another Variation On Some More S’mores

I was too early writing about S'mores this summer. TODAY is actually National S’mores Day. I have one more variation that came to me in a vision. (Yet another reason to get my eyes checked.)

Last time, I added some cherry preserves to the inside and drizzled chocolate on the outside of the graham crackers. What about dipping the MARSHMALLOWS in chocolate and then melting THOSE on the graham crackers? The good news (and there IS no bad news) is that you can dip a few extra marshmallows and just have those as a treat without bothering with the graham crackers.

I didn’t use my usual Crisco to get a nice sheen. I just melted a handful of chocolate chips with a large splash of coffee. Remember though, you can never add just a TINY bit of liquid when melting chocolate, or it will seize up. (Have you ever melted chocolate in a wet pan? Instant nightmare.) There has to be enough liquid to be distributed evenly amongst the chocolate and smooth it out a bit. A good rule of thumb is 1 tablespoon of liquid to every 2 oz. of chocolate.

I dipped my pillow-shaped marshmallows in the coffee-chocolate mixture.

I placed one on a graham cracker square...

...and microwaved it for 10 seconds. Don't be tempted to do it longer. The marshmallow billowed up and cracked through the chocolate like a volcano through the earth’s crust. Very cool. Then it settled back down on the graham cracker.

I topped it with the other graham cracker square.

How did it taste? Absolutely no different than a regular s’more.

The only possible difference was that the chocolate was a bit more evenly distributed on the graham cracker, which isn’t a bad thing. It IS a bit fussy, so I’m not sure the Girl Scouts will be including this method at their next campfire, but I may. Why make something in 2 steps when you can complicate it and extend it to 4 or 5?