Mike Is A Thief (Y’All), Paula Gets Witchy About Carla’s Greens Plus “Clean Food” Is An Objectionable Phrase (To Me Anyway)

Richard and Mike are sitting around the table. Richard is showing him some little notebook, which has a bunch of food ideas with plans and pictures that Richard has drawn. Is he going to show him his diary too?

They walk into the Top Chef kitchen and there is Paula Deen. The chefs react with universal delight. Carla is THRILLED! Her smile is wider than a Georgia prairie. Actually, I have no idea if Georgia even HAS prairies, but you get the idea.

Paula says down-south (y’all) that food is how they show their love for one another. The Quickfire Challenge is to make Miss Paula something…IN THE DEEP FRYER. I would have been disappointed if that HADN’T been the challenge. They have only THIRTY minutes to do it. That’s the part that kills me. Paula cackles as she says, “If you can eat it, you can fry it (y’all).” Oh, and the winner gets $5000.

Here are all the dishes for the episode, some of which are truly sensational.

Dale says his “flavor spectrum” is very different from Paula’s, but he thinks he can win her over with oysters wrapped with strips of beef, deep-fried, of course.

Mike tells us about the oyster of a chicken. (I agree, that IS the best part.) He says, “People will fry oysters or people will fry chicken, but people aren’t going to fry the chicken oyster.” He says he and Richard talked about a similar dish that morning and there was a picture in Richard’s notebook that stuck in his mind.

Richard is busy frying some mayonnaise, which, of course, he freezes into a hard ball before frying.

Mike looks at everyone’s complicated plates and proclaims (to us) that “Less is more and simple is better.”

Paula comes in wearing a huge smile (y’all). Antonia has forgotten to plate two plates, but Paula loves her fried avocado.

Paula says "Mmmm" about Dale’s dish.

Richard tells Paula about his dish, but she says she’s too busy staring at his hair to hear what he’s saying. She says her hair in the morning looks exactly like his straight-up-in-the-air spike. Nah, I think HE definitely uses more product than she does. After she tastes his dish, she says, “Oh my goodness you were after my heart, weren’tcha?”

Carla knows her fried fish isn’t good.

As Mike describes his chicken oyster dish to Paula (which is served IN an oyster shell), Richard tells us that’s plagiarism and that he’s waiting for Mike to catch his eye and acknowledge that the dish was his idea. Mike never does. (Thieves rarely do.)

Finally, Richard kind of winks at him and Mike laughs back. Mike says that he knows Richard thinks he stole his dish, but that he had seen it done before, and if Richard thought it was such a great idea, HE should have done it himself.

I actually can’t decide how I feel about this. I need to ruminate a bit more. I like an excuse to continue to dislike Mike, but I’m not sure it was the travesty that Richard thinks it was. I’ll get back to you.

Paula’s least favorites are Dale’s (no flavors that wowed her) and Carla’s (her hush puppies were like spitballs).

Her favorite was Antonia’s, but she can’t win because she didn’t plate two servings, so she’s ineligible. Paula also loves Richard’s and Mike’s. Richard says to us that because Mike stole his dish, he (Richard) is basically competing with himself. As if the whole thing had been scripted, Mike is the winner. Richard is po’ed and Mike says HE’S the winner, because he won the 5 G’s.

I really do find it hard to believe that Antonia, for some reason out of nowhere, forgets to plate a second dish and that “coincidentally” Mike and Richard have the next top two dishes AND that Mike wins with a dish he saw that morning in Richard’s notebook. Is this entire situation completely made up or do they weave together MANY hours of footage to make a dramatic story line? I guess the second is more likely, but it does strain the credibility factor a bit.

John Besh is introduced as a guest judge and the Elimination Challenge is to use Gulf seafood at a fundraiser for the Greater New Orleans Foundation, which helps “fishermen bring their businesses back.”

Mike tells us (rather stiltedly and awkwardly), “It’s not just about the food. It’s about giving back and helping out,” (and if he has to steal a few dishes to do it, then fine).

John says the chefs will be getting help from a few “friends”. Oh, a bunch of eliminated chefs come back. I hate when they do this.

They’re each carrying some Gulf seafood and the chefs get to choose what and who they want. Mike gets to choose first because he was the “winner” of the Quickfire. He pick Tiffani as his helper and she has the brown shrimp. He gets to pick who chooses second. He picks “his buddy” Richard, “because he was the inspiration (wink, wink) of my dish today”.

Richard picks Fabio and snapper. Carla picks Tre and red grouper. Tiffany picks the white shrimp and, unfortunately, Marcel, who comes with them. Antonia takes “Spike and his crabs”. Dale gets Angelo and amberjack.

Antonia loves Spike’s idea of adding andouille to her crab cakes. Angelo whispers to Dale that he (Dale) is getting under Richard’s skin.  Richard goes on about how he’s making a brand new dish and not stealing anyone else’s ideas.

Carla is unhappy to learn that Tre grew up in the city “WHAT?!!” she says to us. He doesn’t know about all the southern things she has in mind.

They all go shopping at Restaurant Depot and Whole Foods. They leave their sous chefs and head back to the house.

Antonia tells us that Mikey won by “bad chef etiquette”. Antonia whispers to Carla and Tiffany that Mike got his Quickfire idea from seeing Richard’s book that very morning. Tiffany gasps. No wait, she GAAAASPS!!!

Carla says it’s chef’s law not to steal dishes. “You don’t take another chef’s idea. That’s a no-no.” says Carla. Is it? I dunno.

I think it’s more a loose moral code that he broke. Couldn’t he have taken 12 seconds and said to Richard, would you mind if I presented chicken oysters on an oyster shell? Mike saw and recognized a great idea and went with it. Does that make him a villain and a thief OR a smart chef? Maybe all of the above.

Dale isn’t happy that there are extra people in the kitchen. He says he’s been working over the last six challenges to get them out of there and then they show up again…like bedbugs. Funny and kind of gross too.

Marcel keeps telling Tiffany to use the shrimp heads in her sauce to get more flavor. Finally, she says she’s just concerned about getting out 320 orders and when that’s taken care of she’ll think about it. Dale says she’s the perfect person to deal with Marcel. True. 

They rush around to finish. Wow, the kitchen looks like a war zone.

They arrive at the ballroom where the event is taking place. Dale says this is the hardest challenge because of the amount of people they’re feeding and the short amount of time they have.

Carla is funny. Her cornbread isn’t working out so she says she’s not going to use it. She says (to us), “Redemption (for her lousy Quickfire dish) is slipping away. Fahhhr, fahhhr away. Goodbye redemption.”

Lots of people arrive all at once. The judges arrive and Tom conveniently asks John all about his charity. He says the Greater New Orleans Foundation steps in to help fisherman with utility bills, mortgage payments and whatever they need to survive.

The judges like Mike’s grit crusted shrimp. John: He “hit the nail on the head.” Paula: “Wonderful.” Tom: “The flavors are all there, but it’s really clean.”

Have I ever told you how the hate the word “clean” when applied to food? It’s fine to refer to the kitchen floor as clean (not that mine ever is), but I find that the phrase “clean food” is often used by elitist types, who are among the few that can afford special, organic and non-additive-d food and produce. Of course, that’s how we all should eat as much of the time as we can, but we can’t all afford it all of the time.

Plus shouldn't food always be “clean”? Ugh, I really bristle at that term.

I buy organic when I can, but I also understand the economics of food and how inner city folks (among others) are often forced to eat at fast food joints, because that’s what’s nearby and what they can afford.

Let’s work to change that, but not by calling high-priced, harder-to-find food “clean”, which, by extension, means the other is DIRTY. That just puts a wedge between those that have a more generous food budget and those that don’t.

Sorry about that diatribe, and, honestly I think Tom probably was just using the word “clean” to mean unmuddied flavors, and not necessarily in the Whole Food trendy, organic way. BUT I still HATE using it with food.

The judges approach Richard’s station while he’s fighting with Fabio about getting the judges’ plates ready and his back is turned. The judges concentrate on tasting his dish and we have NO clue what they think. Finally, John says the dish works. Tom likes it and Padma says it’s pretty light. It sounds like Richard didn’t make the earth move, but he didn’t make any big mistakes either.

Ohhh, Jonathan Waxman is there with David Burke. Oh, AND Carmen Gonzalez. It’s a Top Chef Masters reunion. Jonathan likes the grits, Carmen does too, but she’s not sure they belong on the dish.

Dale and Angelo are slowing down. Dale says he’s working in slow-mo and he can’t do anything about it.

Carla says there are so many people and they keep coming and keep coming and keep…well, you get the idea. That’s not her only problem. Paula apologizes to the other judges for being a bitch (SHE said it) about the collard greens. She just “didn’t care for them”. Padma looks confused as she chews. Tom says there’s too much hot sauce on the fish and John says it’s too salty. It’s pretty clear she’s going to be deep-sixed or, at least, on the bottom.

Tiffany is up next. John likes the glaze on her shrimp, but doesn’t taste the shrimp that much. Paula didn’t think the shrimp was sweet enough…or wait, maybe she’s talking about the glaze. Tom thinks the shrimp is overcooked and doesn’t like the glaze. I think Marcel made the glaze for some of the shrimp. Uh-oh. The ladies are not doing well so far. 

Dale realizes AFTER he serves the judges that some of the potatoes in his amberjack stew are undercooked. Padma instantly says she got some undercooked potatoes. DRAT!!!

Tom says there’s “way too much mustard on that crouton” and that’s all you taste. Paula, bless her heart (y’all) likes the stew.

John says “Once you taste that crouton, the whole dish is finished.” Yikes! Is it possible that Angelo hijacked him and smeared extra mustard on? We didn’t see any of the prep. I guess it doesn’t matter HOW it happened, just that it did. 

John likes Antonia’s crabcake and how he can actually taste the crab. Tom thinks the sauce is great.

Paula thinks they all did well, considering how much pressure they were under. John says a few did well, but he was underwhelmed by some.

This isn’t good. I hope Dale’s potatoes aren’t his ticket out.

In the stew room, Carla and Tiffany are worried that they could go home on a Southern food challenge. Padma comes out and wants to see Antonia, Richard and Mike. They are relieved to learn they have the best dishes of the evening.

John likes Richard's pairing of the snapper with the pulled pork.

Paula loves Mike’s shrimp and thinks the grits coating was “genius”. AND “You had me on the potatoes, honey.” Mike guffaws along with Paula.

John says Antonia’s dish exhibited a lot of balance. Paula announces that Richard’s is the winning dish. He wins a 6 night trip to Barbados. He says he’s going to invite Fabio too.

The other chefs get called in, but not before Antonia asks Mike not burp on her or anything else. He really is gross. Yick.

Padma says, “Tiffany, you picked Marcel.” “I PICKED the shrimp” is her retort. Tom cackles. Tiffany says Marcel cooked the shrimp. John says they were overcooked. Paula says the sweetness of the dish from the glaze “threw her and confused the dish”. Oh, so Paula WAS saying the glaze was what she didn’t like.

Tom tells Dale that, among other problems, the potatoes were undercooked. He says he knew and that they were really busy making different batches.

Tom says if Dale knew the dish wasn’t ready, he should have just had the judges wait. Hold on, are they even ALLOWED to do that? THEN Tom would have complained that Dale got more time than his fellow chefs. So I guess it was a lose-lose situation for him. Then Tom mentions the overly-mustarded crouton. John says it was like “flavor warfare”. Ouch!

Carla says she was under terrible pressure. Paula says that the accompanying collards, chow chow and tomatoes didn’t make any sense to her. Carla says she gets it.

Okay, I’m going to hope it’s Tiffany or Carla, but I just don’t know. The judges discuss things while the chefs are back in the stew room. About Dale, Paula says she likes her potatoes done and the fish should have been the star and it wasn’t. Tom whines about the mustard some more. Okay, I get it. There was too much mustard, get over it and just don’t send home my Dale.

Then Tom says Carla had this beautiful grouper and basically made chicken wings out of it. Huh? But I get that he didn’t like it. John hated that it was so masked with hot sauce.

Paula says when she bit into Tiffany’s dish, her mouth wanted one thing and she got another. Dontcha just hate when that happens?

Tom says he asked himself, “Why is all this sweet stuff on the shrimp?” He’s right, that’s an outrage. She SHOULD go home for that, as long as it’s not Dale. I’m worried now.

The chefs go back in and it’s…I’m really worried…and it’s DALE! Oh no, my Dale! This stinks, even if his dish wasn’t the best. Oy! He’s so gracious to the judges and thanks them. His after-he-gets-kicked-off-the-show interview is so sweet. He takes off his glasses and wipes his eyes and just gives a huge sigh. ME TOO! That’s what I’m doing!

Mike is shocked. Antonia is too. Then Dale tells us that his first time on Top Chef, he didn’t like himself very much and he took it out on everyone around him. This time he says he’s grown up and he’s in a really good place.

YES! I can see that, Dale, (even though, I loved you the first time around). I knew you grew tremendously as a person and you continue to be a wonderful chef. <3<3<3

Dale says this was the hardest thing he’s ever done and after this, he can handle anything. Yes, you can! I know you can! He says he feels like he’s Superman.

That’s great that he’s affirmed lots of positive things in his life, but really, this does stink. And it does show me one thing. And that is that the best chef does NOT win Top Chef.

Let me say that again, (maybe I’ll feel better.) The results of these last two weeks really do show that the winner of Top Chef is not the best chef of the group. Maybe early on that might have been true, but not now, when it’s about so much more than cooking ability.

In fact, winning Top Chef says only one thing and one thing only about a chef – that he or she managed to outlast a bunch of other chefs in challenges that often had more to do with luck, stamina and sneakiness than actual culinary skills. 

Would I feel differently if Dale had won? Perhaps. I still would have thought he was the best chef of the bunch, but I might have been willing to admit that he won based on other factors than his food. Too bad I won’t have that chance.

Another reason to love you, Honey

Remember when I mentioned seeing savory cupcakes everywhere? Well, this week there were two things that kept popping up. The first thing I noticed was that over at Rachel Ray’s, it was SLOW COOKER WEEK. I really wish I had a joke for that. Any thoughts?   

Actually, I only saw the promo. I admit I have no problem watching RR teach us 200 ways to wear the same dress, or handle a really uncomfortable sit-down with Nancy Grace AND Donny Deutsch (at the same time), but I WILL not watch her cooking.

AND, amazingly, right in the middle of RR’s Slow Cooker Week, the really adorable Chris Kimball was on the Today Show, demonstrating what? Slow cooker recipes!

We had learned earlier in the morning that Al has a slow cooker with an iron insert for searing in advance. I stopped liking Al when he was really brutal with Heidi Montag. (The “real” Heidi is actually worse.) Al basically told her she was a worthless piece of trash. True or not, it was his producers who booked her and he looked like a bully. I’m really mostly serious when I say that I don’t like him anymore because of that.

Back to CK’s recipes, which, unfortunately, were a little pointless. I don’t have a slow cooker and I’ve never used one, but two of his three recipes required browning either before or after they had been slow cooked. Isn’t the whole point of the thing to bung stuff in, turn it on and have dinner ready 18 hours later, or whatever it is?

Anyway, the slow cooker isn’t even the reason I’ve gathered you all here today. It’s to tell you about the second thing I’ve been seeing around. It started with this question on Chowhound about foods that don’t spoil, which led me to this funny Top 5 Foods That Never Spoil, Rot, or Expire post. HONEY is at the top of the list.

This is interesting to me, because in ALL the praise I’ve heaped on my favorite sweetener (when it's not in a bear container), I’ve never included its inability to spoil. In fact, I never even thought of it before. But I must have known it (on a subconscious level, at least), because I NEVER refrigerate honey and I DO refrigerate just about everything else  - onions (it really does cut down on the tears), rice and barley, olive and nuts oils, whole wheat flour; plus I keep nuts, coffee and cornmeal in the freezer.

So, as I was ruminating on the magnificent qualities of honey, I see this same point made AGAIN by Mark Bittman. He was writing about how outrageous it is that McDonald’s can take something healthy and economical like oatmeal and turn it into a bowl of sweetened sludge that costs more than a double hamburger. 

Incredibly, the McDonald’s product contains more sugar than a Snickers bar and only 10 fewer calories than a McDonald’s cheeseburger or Egg McMuffin. (Even without the brown sugar it has more calories than a McDonald’s hamburger.)

 The bottom-line question is, “Why?” Why would McDonald’s, which appears every now and then to try to persuade us that it is adding “healthier” foods to its menu, take a venerable ingredient like oatmeal and turn it into expensive junk food? Why create a hideous concoction of 21 ingredients, many of them chemical and/or unnecessary? Why not try, for once, to keep it honest?

Interesting and so true. Why doesn’t McDonald’s offer its oatmeal plain and then make you order all that extra stuff, if you want it? Bittman also mentions that honey will not spoil, which makes it a perfect choice for a fast food menu. 

I now know that honey will last forever, but I don’t think it will last that long around here.

By the way, I almost never substitute honey for sugar in baked goods. I usually buy pretty decent honey, which is pricey, so I like to use it in ways that I can actually taste it.  

Here are my top three ways of using honey:

3) In my homemade granola.

2) Over bleu cheese with toasted walnuts. Mmm…

This is my Oscar snack tonight, actually.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY I LOVE TO EAT HONEY IS –

On a spoon…all by itself. 

Top Chef All Stars – Way Off Target

Top Chef All Stars Lock Down

Richard feels awful that Fabio went home because of a poor hamburger. He wishes Fabio would have consulted with him because he (Richard) runs a burger restaurant.

Back at the house, the chefs toast to the remaining “Magnificent 7”.  Dale goes on (to us) about how he doesn’t believe in the philosophy of everyone being a winner and he says losing isn’t cool and he wants to win. I hear ya!

They walk into the Top Chef kitchen. Angelo is wearing shorts with his chef’s coat, which I always think looks funny. Padma is ravishing, as usual, but her dress looks like an old-fashioned flowered apron.

Padma starts talking really slowly and then she says, “Can you tell me how to get to…” 3 Muppets suddenly pop up from behind the table and yell, “SESAME STREET!” Tiffany looks terrified. The rest of the chefs look amused. 

The Muppets are going to be the judges for the Quickfire. Hmm, how exactly will a puppet taste the food? I guess we’ll see and by the way, it’s Elmo, Cookie Monster and Telly who are there.

Elmo does have a lot of star power, I must say. Richard says (to us) that in his house “Elmo is like Elvis”.

Padma starts to tell the chefs what the Quickfire is, but Cookie Monster keeps interrupting and shouting COOKIE, COOKIE. OF COURSE, their challenge is to make the best cookie they can in 45 minutes. Elmo says (sweetly) that he would like a cookie with some zucchini or carrots maybe. CM says to just make it yummy, maybe with chocolate chips. The winning chef will get $5000.

Mike (he hasn’t said anything objectionable yet, so I guess I’ll use his name) says he’s never made cookies before. He just wants to make SOMETHING that he’s not embarrassed by.

The Muppets are watching the chefs closely. Cookie Monster is really impressed when he(?) sees Tiffany WEIGHING the butter. He didn’t know one could do that. CM says he just throws “stuff in bowl and mix and hopes for the best”. Elmo is excited because Richard is making zucchini cookies…with his nitrogen tanks nearby.

Angelo says he hasn’t made a cookie in 25 years. Carla says as a caterer she makes cookies all the time.

Telly yells over to Dale, “No potato chips in the cookies,” as he’s crushing potato chips in the food processor. Dale tells them they’re going to like it. They get really excited as the time gets closer. They want their cookies!

I have to say the Muppets do seem to know their cookies. They enthusiastically “taste” each one. Here are all the cookies and dishes for the week.

First, we learn which cookies are the Muppets’ (and presumably Padma’s) least favorites.

Cookie Monster has an issue with Richard’s (which is a shame, because Richard is head over heels in love with them.) CM says, "Technically it not quite a cookie”. It was more like ice cream disks. Carla mentioned that same thing (to us) during the challenge. Richard recognizes that he (Cookie Monster) is the expert, so he feels disappointed.

Cookie also says Angelo’s cookies were a little dry.

Their favorites:

Dale’s. YAY!!!YAY!!!YAY!!! They loved the mix of sweet and salty.

And they loved Antonia’s, because it was chewy and gooey. Telly does say hers wasn’t the prettiest cookie he(?) had ever seen. Then Elmo pipes in, “It looked like cow chips.” Antonia asks, “Did they just say my cookie looked like sh#%?” Yup, they did.

And the winner is DALE!!! Dale says winning this Quickfire was probably one of his three top experiences on Top Chef. Cool.

The Elimination Challenge is worth $25,000 this week. They have 3 hours to raid a Target store in the middle of the night to make a dish for 100 Target employees. They have to leave their knives in the Top Chef kitchen and get absolutely everything they need at Target. All this with only 3 hours to shop AND cook AND serve.

Oy, they have to buy appliances too?!! Richard wishes he could go over to the TV section and pick up a little something. The store is absolutely huge and they have a lot of ground to cover. They have to get cutting boards, blenders, deep fryers or anything and everything they need.

Mike and Angelo are working together to get all their stuff. Wait a sec! They have to get TABLES too??! AND garbage cans? AND they have to fill up and roll their shopping carts on their own? This seems a bit ridiculous. Oh wait, it gets even worse. They are doing the actual cooking right THERE in the store…right in the aisles!

Everyone else is cooking and Carla is still looking for linens and then it occurs it to her that she still has to get her food.

Dale says this challenge reminds him of his college days when he used to cook in his dorm room with a rice cooker and an iron to make grilled cheese sandwiches. So there is Dale, cooking away with an iron. I guess you’d use the no-steam setting to get a good sear.

By the way, is ANY of this hygienic?!! When the chefs open their pots and bowls and knives and cutting boards, it doesn’t seem as if anything gets washed. Also did they wash their hands after they were all over the grimy shopping carts and all the boxes and stuff? Is this really a good idea to get 100 Target employees sick from iffy sanitation?

Dale looks over at the gals’ tables and sees tablecloths and other nice things. He didn’t know “this was…Susie Homemaker’s challenge”.

Finally Carla gets everything set up and she’s exhausted and she hasn’t even started cooking.

Antonia says it’s ridiculous when she sees lots of the chefs making soup. She’s making one hundred individual serving of eggs. That’s kind of crazy.

Mike tells Angelo his soup needs something. Angelo adds (lots of) salt and now it’s way too salty.

100 Target employees in their red shirts and khaki pants come strolling in.

The judges arrive and Padma says this is a first – a 3 am service. Tony says he’s going right from there to a parent teacher’s conference.

They go to Richard’s station first and Padma introduces him to Tony (for the three hundredth time), Ming Tsai and Thomas O’Brien, home designer for Target. Richard says his dish was “a play on arepas”. Tony says it was “butt ugly”(I hate that expression), but that it was delicious. Richard thought that himself. The other judges liked it too.

The judges liked Dale’s. Ming says it was brilliant to use an iron, which gave it a good sear on the outside. (Didn’t I just say that…sort of?) Tony thinks it tastes like “stoner food”, so, of course, he likes it. He thinks Dale should be given a urine test just to check. Harhar. Ming was much cleverer when he says Dale was trying to become an Iron Chef. Now THAT’S funny. The other judges grimace.

Carla is nervous about her curried apple soup. No one seems to like it.

Tony says it was ballsy of Antonia to make eggs for 100 people. Thomas, the designer, says he likes the sweetness in the dish as a nice breakfast surprise.

Mike introduces his soup saying it had fresh coconut milk in it. Padma says incredulously, “You found FRESH coconuts here?” He says No. She says, “THEN it’s not fresh coconut milk.” He says she’s right and I SAY he’s a liar. Padma is not a fan of the soup. Tom and Ming like its spiciness.

Tiffany serves her jambalaya. The judges look exhausted. It is after 3 in the morning, after all, but how can they even taste the stuff if they can’t even hold their heads up? Tony looks wiped out (and a little po'ed) as he says he doesn’t like Tiffany's jambalaya.

  

After tasting Angelo’s baked potato soup, Ming says, “If you eat a whole bowl of this, you die.” The others agree that it’s too heavy and salty.

Padma looks like she’s talking in her sleep. 





And Tom looks like he just wants to go home. They’re making me really sleepy. The judges leave.

Apparently, it’s 4:30 in the morning. Is this really necessary? Why couldn’t they get a decent night’s sleep and do this all at 4 in the afternoon. I know the point was to shop at Target when it was closed, but this is kind of ridiculous.

Dale, Antonia and Richard are called into Judges’ Table first. They’re the winners, although they’re so tired and ashen-faced that they may not care.

Tony says Antonia’s dish was an audacious move. Tom really enjoyed Dale’s dish. Tony says his dish was a great combination of goofy devious. Dale says it came from being a broke student and partying a little too much. And Ming announces the winner and it’s DALE. Yay!!! Yay!!! Yay!!!

They want to see Carla, Tiffany and Angelo. Oh, I think it will be Angelo, unless they want to keep him around for the finale and then it will be Carla.

Tony and Tom say Angelo’s soup is too salty. Padma says it was way too rich, too.

Tony says the prepared spice mix that Tiffany used was the problem with her dish.

We heard Tiffany say in the store AND at Judges’ Table that she loved the pre-made Creole seasoning. That kind of surprised me the first time she said it and then to say again at Judges’ Table probably wasn’t smart. But I don’t think she had the worst dish of the night. 

Padma asks if any of them have any final words before they decide who they’re sending home. Tiffany launches into a tearful and heavily southern-accented tale of being from Beaumont, Texas and having big dreams and that whatever decision they make, it has been an honor and a pleasure for her to have been there.

Padma says, somewhat sincerely, that regardless of who goes home, it HAS been a pleasure to have them there and that it won’t be an easy decision.

As the judges discuss the dishes, Tom says about Tiffany’s that sometimes there are these things you grow up with that you love, but that doesn’t mean they’re GOOD. That would definitely be Yodels for me!!!

They say they can’t get past the salt in Angelo’s dish. Doesn’t that basically mean HE will be sent home?

And it’s…Angelo. He says he was honored to be there. The chefs in the stew room are shocked, especially Mike. I’m sorry he’s leaving, because I think he COULD have done so much better and WOULD have shown us so much more. That’s a shame, but I think he’ll do just fine. 

New Delivery For The Cake Boss

Buddy and Lisa Valastro celebrated Valentine’s Day with a brand new addition to their family – Carlos Salvatore, born yesterday. 7 lb. and 3 oz. Carlos joins big sister, Sofia, 7, and two brothers, Buddy, Jr. 6, and Marco, 3. The littlest Valastro is named after Buddy’s late father, Carlos and also Sal Picinich, a baker at Carlos Bakery for 45 years who died earlier this year.

What could be better than more little hands in the batter? Congratulations!!!

Whatever You Call It, It’s GOOD!

I’m perfectly happy calling this dish Pad Thai, even though I know it’s not exactly that. Basically, you chop up anything you like - lots of vegetables plus chicken and/or shellfish - and then stir fry it with noodles. Of course, it can be animal-free as well.  

The reason this isn’t REALLY Pad Thai is that I’m not using rice noodles. I’m using spaghetti.

BUT the reason I CAN call it a version of Pad Thai is because just about everything else is the same - most especially the tamarind paste, which is essential to Pad Thai.

So whether you call this Fried Spaghetti Southeast Asian style, or Pad Thai (with a wink), it’s SOOOO good. Oh, one other little change I made is to substitute soy sauce for fish sauce (which I can’t STAND!). Use either or some of each.  

There IS a bit of prep involved...

 

and more…

But then you just stir fry things separately, then together, and voila – PJD THJI.

Sometimes Pad Thai is served garnished with nuts, scallions and other goodies. I add it all to the pan and only garnish with lime wedges.


My Pad Thai (serves 6)

Printable recipe here.

½ block of tamarind

2 tbls. rice wine vinegar

¼ cup soy sauce

4 tbls. sugar

Vegetable oil for frying

1 large onion, sliced

3 carrots, julienned

12 large shrimp, peeled and cleaned

1 package bean sprouts

1 cup of cabbage, green or red

Red pepper, cut into strips

2 or 3 chicken breasts, cut in half to make thin breasts and then cut into strips

2 eggs

1 lb spaghetti, cooked

1 bunch of scallions, cut into 1 inch pieces

1 cup chopped peanuts or cashews, toasted

Extra soy sauce

Optional garnish: 1 lime, cut into 8 wedges

Cover ½ block of tamarind with boiling water. Let sit for at least 15 minutes. Drain, reserving the liquid if desired, for another use. (It could be added to any curry dish.) Squeeze the flesh of the tamarind away from the seeds and woody bits. You should be left with a pulpy, sweet and sour (and yummy) paste. Mix the tamarind paste with the rice wine vinegar, soy sauce and sugar.  Set aside.

All the frying in the next steps should be on medium high heat. Add 2 to 3 teaspoons of oil before each group of ingredients goes into the pan.

Start with 1 tablespoon oil (or 3 teaspoons) added to a large wok or large sauté pan. Stir fry onions and carrots for 2 minutes. Remove to big bowl.

Add a bit more oil in pan. Stir fry shrimp for one minute. Add to carrots and onions.

More oil. (Remember?) Stir fry beans sprouts, cabbage and red peppers together for 1 minute. (I forgot the peppers, that’s why they’re not in the picture.) Add to carrots and onions.

More oil. Stir fry chicken for 3 minutes or until just done. Add to rest of cooked ingredients.

Add more oil and add eggs to pan. (They can be beaten or unbeaten, it doesn’t matter.) Beat them now and fry quickly to make crepe-like pancake. Remove to plate and cut into large strips.

Add 1 tablespoon or so of oil to pan. Heat and add cooked spaghetti. Stir quickly to coat in oil. Add tamarind sauce mixture and stir fry for one minute.

Add onions and carrots and all the remaining ingredients back into pan. Stir fry for 2 minutes until hot. Taste for seasoning. It will probably need more soy sauce and/or a bit of salt. Serve at once, garnished with lime wedges, if desired.

  

Top Chef All Stars - HB To Jimmy Fallon And Mike Is A Pig

Top Chef – All Stars Feeding Fallon

The chefs are at the house, toasting Antonia for the win. Dale tells us that his dish last week was the worst he’s ever made. Fabio is nagging Antonia to “walk him through” her winning mussel dish. She’s reluctant, because she doesn’t want to hear his nitpicking about how it’s not Italian, it’s French. HE says Italians don’t serve fennel with mussels.

Antonia asks Mike how it felt to be an Italian and be on the bottom in an Italian challenge. He asks her how it felt to win with a FRENCH dish. Oh, then we learn Mike is the only one who didn’t say congratulations to her. That wasn’t nice. (And no, that's not why he's a pig.)

Back in the kitchen with Padma and lots of fondue pots. Richard (unfortunately) tells us about the naked fondue party his parents definitely had when he was a kid. Listen, I’ve had fondue in my day AND it was NEVER that fun!

Padma says it’s not the 70’s and they’re (who’s THEY?) not looking for a banana dipped in chocolate. The chefs have to make a unique fondue. I wonder if any of them will stretch the word fondue and go the Mongolian hotpot route. (It’s a stretch because fondue comes from the word “melted” and in a Mongolian hotpot, the vegetables and/or meat is cooked in broth. Hmmm. Let’s see.)

Oh, the chefs themselves are the judges. Everyone (including Padma) will vote for his or her favorites and least favorites. They can’t vote for themselves, and there’s no immunity, but the winner will win a 3 day trip to Napa valley.

They get started with their fondues and, almost instantly, Mike shows himself to be a real jerk. I’m sure I’m not the only one who was appalled when Mike says (to us) that since he was born in the 70’s he doesn’t know “too many people who have gone to these gay fondue parties”.

Using the word “gay” as a pejorative is NOT okay. In fact, it’s really asinine and it shows what a Neanderthal he is. I really wasn’t hating him this season. In fact, I found him rather entertaining, but now I think Mike is a dumb oaf and I’m not going to forgive him. (I freely admit that I am an enthusiastic grudge holder.) In fact, I may boycott all references to him. Who? (Anyway, that's why the person I'm NOT naming again is a jerk!)

Somehow, someway, Antonia decides to do a smoked salmon fondue as an homage to the Jewish deli food her mother always loved. (Her ITALIAN mother?) That sounds perfectly dreadful and, why, are we seeing so much of Antonia? Is her number up? I was hoping it would be homophobic jerk-face (it’s really bad to cross me!) going home.

Richard stands behind a pot with huge billowing steam. He’s doing EXACTLY what Padma told him NOT to do – chocolate fondue with bananas…naturally with a liquid nitrogen spin. I like Richard more this season. He doesn’t grate on me as much.


I know that all these freezing molecules is his thing, but doesn’t it get a bit tired when that’s ALL he does? Does he even know HOW to make a roast chicken and pommes frites for example, without making it a chemistry experiment?

Dale :-}  is making a Phở (pronounced Fuh), which is not unlike a Mongolian hotpot. SEE? I called it…kind of. The main difference that I can see between the two (if you’re a Phở or Mongolian hotpot expert, PLEASE add your two cents here) is that Phở is served as a completed dish; and for Mongolian hotpot, the diners actually cook the meat and vegetables themselves and then drink the cooking broth at the end.  Dale is funny. He calls it Phở-ndue. 

Angelo is doing a deconstruction of a “beet and goat cheese salad with endive”. Huh?  It probably doesn’t matter, because he says he didn’t finish anyway.

Here are all the dishes.

They start the tasting with Richard’s, and he has Ras El Hanout in his dish. Remember that he used that in EVERY, SINGLE dish he made in his first season?!! Isn’t that really a bore? Even though Richard uses all these exciting, new techniques, by relying on them so heavily AND using many of the same spices over and over again, many of his dishes seem like the same old, same old.

Richard doesn’t approve of Tiffany’s “big, clunky” doughnut dipped in chocolate sauce. He thinks it’s pedestrian.

Angelo’s turns out to be a goat cheese fondue into which you dip endive and then guzzle some pickled beet juice. Interesting. Dale thinks it’s a bit complicated.

Carla’s sounds awesome. It’s a coconut curry fondue (can you say YUM!) with beef and shrimp to dunk. Double (or triple) YUM!

Dale’s Pho Fondue looks super complex and really, really hot (in temperature).

Jackass’s was lamb with a feta cheese fondue. Big whoop.

I have no idea how Antonia’s crème fraiche fondue with smoked salmon will be received. Hmmm, a few of the chefs says mmmm.

Fabio’s looks fab. It’s a “homemade” blini (is there any other kind?), dipped into a fondue of crème fraiche, fromage blanc and wine. There’s caviar in there somewhere too.

Padma passes out the ballots. They have to vote for best and worst.

The worst – Fabio, Tiffany and Jerkface. I guess Fabio’s SOUNDED better than it was. Padma rats out Dale and actually says, “Dale, you had The Creep on the bottom.” (Of course, she used his name.) Dale says the combination of the spice and the feta cheese didn’t work.

The top three fondues belong to Antonia (I REALLY know nothing), Dale and Angelo. Richard thinks he’s not on top because “stylistically” he’s so different from everyone else and that they’re scared of him. And the winner is…Dale!  YAY!!! YAY!!! YAY!!! He wins three days in Napa.

Padma says they have to go to Rockefeller Center to find out about the Elimination Challenge. They think maybe they’re going ice skating. It turns out they end up at (and ON) the Jimmy Fallon show. They have no idea what they’re doing there.

They have to play some game, which is somewhat complicated. The chefs have to take pictures on their cellphones of slides of food that flash by really quickly on a big screen. Whatever they end up taking a picture of is the dish they have to cook for Jimmy Fallon for his birthday lunch. Did I explain this right?

Anywhoo, however it happened…The Bonehead gets sausage and peppers; Antonia gets beef tongue; Fabio gets a hamburger and French fries. The rest go by too quickly. Oh, Angelo gets pulled pork.  I think Antonia and Fabio are kind of screwed. Carla gets chicken pie and Dale gets Philly cheesesteak. And Richard gets ramen noodles. Who knew that Jimmy Fallon ate like a 19 year old kid?

This next scene is truly annoying. We see the chefs in the house, making pre-made Buitoni ravioli and pretending to really like it. Do the powers-that-be actually expect us to view that as an authentic moment?

The chefs get to cook and serve their lunch at Colicchio & Sons. Padma arrives at the restaurant with Gail and Tom and greets Jimmy’s parents, Gloria and James. Then Jimmy and wife, Nancy, walk in. A whole lot of others folks are there – Jimmy’s sister, his head writer, mom and dad-in-law. This is sweet, but a little yawn-worthy.

They start with Fabio’s burger. There’s a problem with it. Only one person likes it, the rest of the table agrees it tastes more like meatloaf. Gail says there isn’t that juiciness she wants. I do think it will stink if Fabio goes home for a hamburger. Tom “isn’t a fan” either. Jimmy, being nice, liked that Fabio served a cheese sauce separately in case someone wanted it.

For some reason, Tom is talking at such high speed that he’s completely incomprehensible as he answers Jimmy. Let me try the closed captioning...(It wasn’t worth it…something about why Jimmy hates mayo and I don’t know what else…)

Jimmy loves Antonia’s beef tongue. (At least, he didn’t say he loved her beefy tongue. That wouldn’t have been good.)

Richard says (to us) before presenting his noodle dish that it’s important to him to prove he doesn’t need a helmet and dry ice to make his food “exciting”. That doesn’t seem to be what he’s thought before, but okay.

Too bad that Jimmy expected all that cool stuff from Richard and says, “It wasn’t a home run, he bunted.” Hmmm, plus Jimmy thinks it’s too spicy for him.

Everyone thought they were going to love Dale’s cheesesteak, but it is way too salty. He was obviously compensating for being told his food was bland last week. Darn!

Carla’s Pot Pie is a hit. (I HATE the expression POT pie. Just call it a Chicken Pie and call it a day!)

Jimmy loves Angelo’s pulled pork. So does Tom. The begrudged-one (the one I refuse to name) has a popular sausage dish. Too bad!

At the end of the meal, Jimmy says the winner will get a cooking segment on his show.

Back at Judges’ Table, Carla, Angelo and Antonia get called in. They’re the winners. Jimmy is so happy and says this was his best birthday lunch ever.

Tom loved Angelo’s unusual combination of spices and herbs.

Jimmy tells Carla putting crust on the bottom is one of his favorite things.

Antonia says she never ate or cooked beef tongue before. Then the three chefs start singing a beef tongue song.

And the winner, who will be a guest on his show, is…Carla. I really thought he was going to say Angelo, but this is okay. She ALSO wins a 6 night trip to Tokyo. What does a trip to Tokyo have to do with the price of eggs? FYI, Carla says it’s her third trip.

They want to see Tiffany, Fabio and Dale. OY, I think it will be Fabio. IT BETTER NOT BE DALE! I don’t want Fabio to go home either, but I guess they really hated his dish.

They say Dale’s was soooo salty and he says he was spooked from last week. Jimmy says this is really hard for him. (Not as hard as for the chefs.) Okay, let’s get this over with.

Jimmy doesn’t want to send anyone home. I don’t want him to either. I think it will be Fabio, but please, please, don’t make it my Dale.

And going home is…Fabio. Oy, I’m sorry. He tells Jimmy not to cry as he leaves. He says he will one day cook a burger for Jimmy and Jimmy will beg him for forgiveness. Fabio slaps Dale (in a nice way) one last time and then he leaves, telling us, “You’re the only shadow standing in your own sunshine.” Maybe it sounds better in Italian…most things do.

Top Chef – Old World Italian Cooking And No Machine Guns In Sight

Top Chef All Stars - An Offer They Can't Refuse

The biggest weapon is actually Tony's mouth, but more about that later. First, what a fantastic idea for a Quickfire Challenge! Padma, along with Isaac Mizrahi, tell the chefs that they will be cooking dishes and concentrating on presentation ONLY. Isaac will NOT be tasting anything, but instead will be judging with his eyes only. How interesting.

Strangely, he tells the chefs that his new collection is based on a Xerox machine. He doesn’t really explain, so we’re left to ponder that remark. We also learn that Padma is unveiling her new jewelry collection at New York fashion week, which explains the rather huge and gorgeous necklace roped around her neck. This isn’t the first time we’ve about her jewelry.

As the chefs bustle around the kitchen, we learn that:

Carla was a model in Paris and that’s where she began to love food.

Fabio’s inspiration for his dish is a beautiful woman, “walking in the rain trying to…don’t get messed up by the water”. Huh? And he WAS actually speaking English.

One of Antonia’s favorite books is Shel Silverstein’s, The Giving Tree. That’s her inspiration for her dish, but she’s not cooking anything. She’s putting a bunch of junk on a plate and calling it a day.

Angelo loves fashion (really?) and his favorite designer is Roberto Cavalli, which he makes the mistake of telling Isaac to raised eyebrows.

When Fabio sees Angelo’s dish, which looks like shrink-wrapped food leftovers for the compost heap, he says it looks like “a bag of vomit”. Yeah, that too.

Mike is funny. He looks around and sees that “Antonia has a tree with gravel on a plate; Tre has different colored dots on his plate; Angelo has a bag with salt and an egg.” Plus Angelo is painting the word “crocodile” on his work bench to refer to Roberto Cavalli’s use of crocodile skin. Very strange, and he misspelled it too.

Isaac and Padma return. Here are this week’s dishes.

They start with Carla's. Hers is really glorious. 

Isaac nods enthusiastically when he sees it.

Isaac “appreciates” the abstract quality of Tre’s.

Next is Fabio’s. He launches into this very complicated description of his dish being a beautiful woman represented by tuna and the mushroom is the umbrella and so on. Plus there’s creepy looking writing on the plate. Isaac doesn’t say anything, he just squints in miscomprehension.

Dale has a bunch of mishmashed things on a plate. Isaac can’t keep his thoughts to himself. He says, “There’s something unappetizing” about the combination of things on the plate – hearts of palm, onion, cantaloupe.

Isaac actually says it looks like Dale finished cooking and the dish is on the table and THIS is what he left behind. Ouch! Dale tells us he’s a chef and he doesn’t care what a fashion designer thinks.

Isaac is a bit strange when he sees Mike’s dish, which he (Mike) says was inspired by Padma’s yellow dress. Isaac says there’s nothing more delicious than a raw egg yolk, especially (he says, while practically breathing in Padma’s ear) when it doesn’t have salmonella.  

Isaac loves Richard’s liquid nitrogen-ed black chocolate ice cream on the plate with green and white accents of stuff. Actually, to me it looks like the black volcano rocks from Hawaii. Interesting to look at, but would I want to eat that? Nah.

Isaac tells Antonia that The Giving Tree is his favorite book, so he doesn’t immediately laugh her out of the competition. But he does says the scale of her nuts is too big when compared to the tree. Whatev, Antonia is not impressed. She mocks (to us) Fabio’s tuna people and acid rain.

Tiffany and Isaac have a meaningful moment when they agree that dirt is beautiful. Tiffany has made dirt from rye bread crumbs, which is actually kind of clever. Isaac loves the colors of her grapes in the almond gazpacho.

Isaac gets to Angelo and shrugs when he hears his Roberto Cavalli announcement. Isaac HATES the writing on the table (without even addressing that the spelling is wrong). It makes him think of Charles Manson. Oh, that can’t be good.

The losers – Dale, Tre (too simplistic) and Angelo (“thumbs down”) about the painting on the table.

The best – Fabio (REALLY?!!), Carla (“the sheer handcrafting was really exceptional”…I agree) and Richard (Isaac says the base of black with the greens on top was “incredibly beautiful”). The winner is Richard and he wins immunity.

For the Elimination Challenge, they are told they will be cooking in one of New York’s most exclusive restaurants and that you can’t make reservations there and the tables are actually passed down from family members. Okay, I know this IS an Italian challenge from the previews and I KNOW EXACTLY which restaurant they’re talking about.

RAO'S. It's definitely Rao's. I’ll bet my Tommy gun on it.

They draw knives to determine teams. The knives say Frankie No, Junior and Dino the chef.

A bunch of Italian gangster types come into the kitchen. I know exactly who the guy on the end is. That’s the Rao’s guy. I just know it is. YES! It's Frankie “No”!

Frankie (No) Pellegrino is the owner of Rao’s and tells the chefs that it’s been in operation for 114 years and he is third generation and his son Junior is the fourth. Their challenge is to cook an Italian feast for his family and “to have some fun” while they do it. His Italian cohorts are all completely unsmiling. Food is no laughing matter to them.

Padma says they’re to use the family’s history as inspiration. The chefs that got Dino on their knives will prepare the antipasti. Junior is the primi course, which is normally pasta, and Frankie No’s chefs will do the secundi course or usually meat. The chefs will be judged individually on their dishes, so I guess they’re preparing 3 dishes for each course. Padma leaves and the chefs crowd around the bello Italians to find out about their history.

Dale, Mike and Tre talk to Junior. Mike and Frankie say they both got in trouble on Sunday mornings for stealing meatballs. Mike asks if Rao’s puts a modern spin on their dishes. Basically, the answer is no, they try to stay true to the original menu.

Tre’s not worried. He says people call him The Black Italian.

Junior tells them the philosophy of the restaurant is to make people feel comfortable, to make them feel as if they’re at home. (Yeah, since it sounds like the only people they let in ARE family, so of course they feel at home.)

Dino the chef tells Tiffany, Carla and Antonia that the menu is like going to his grandparents’ house.

That may not always be a pleasant association. H(usband) isn’t Italian, but did I ever tell you the story about when he was a kid and he ran kicking and screaming from the house because his grandmother threatened to serve salmon cakes? Presumably, the diners at Rao’s think more highly of their grandmother’s culinary skills.

Frankie No tells Fabio, Angelo and Richard that he loves meatloaf. Then Fabio starts telling him what HE loves. He won’t stop talking and finally Angelo says can we get in here?!! Richie asks about Auntie Ana. (We don’t find out who she is.) Frankie says she was always able to take unnecessary ingredients out of a dish and keep it simple.

They run around shopping. I‘ve liked it when they haven’t showed the shopping parts, which are kind of a waste of time. Oh, I guess they need the 60 second commercial for Whole Foods.

There are three Italian Americans among the chefs. Dale says he never cooks Italian food, but he loves to eat it. Mike is pumped up that he’s making a fresh rigatoni for the first time on Top Chef. Oh, I just made rigatoni. 

  

(Actually, I didn’t MAKE it, I cooked it, but it was good.) 

Tre won an episode of his Top Chef season with risotto. This time he’s making a more non-traditional version. Antonia says (to us) that it doesn’t look that he’s taking a lot of care with the risotto.

Mike says he doesn’t like being a favorite for a challenge. (That’s news to me – that he IS a favorite and that he wouldn’t like it.)

The chefs arrive at Rao’s and Antonia comments on how much she likes the old worldliness of it. Then she says she can practically smell the marinara in the walls. Is that a good thing?

Carla is making minestrone. She doesn’t think it should be that hard.

Antonia is making mussels and she says that she hopes the dish tastes the way she hopes it will.

Tiffany’s polenta burns in the oven. THAT could be a problem.

Padma and the others arrive at the restaurant. The Italian types are thrilled to greet Padma and Lorraine Bracco is there too with Tony and Tom.

Lorraine tells us the first time she went there is when Joe Pesci invited her and Ray Liotta to go when they were “studying” to do Goodfellas.

Two more guests are introduced - Nickie the bartender (for the last 36 years) at Rao’s and Joe, the manager of Rao’s.

Is there any way at all that these guys will think favorably about the cooking tonight compared to what they know from Rao’s regular kitchen? Are they really the most open-minded tasters? Oh, another guy is introduced – Ron - one of the co-owners of Rao’s New York.

The first group of chefs comes out to the dining room to introduce the dishes. Carla says she wanted to give a big bowl of love. Frankie No likes the family style presentation. Tony likes Carla’s soup, but Ron says you could find that soup in Wisconsin.

Tiffany describes the sausage in her polenta dish as “Italian” sausage. Tom comments that only a non-Italian would call it Italian, Italians ASSUME all sausage is Italian. Frankie No loves the touch of the sausage in the polenta. They all love it. Nickie says, “Bless Tiffany’s hands.” Hmmm, she’s making friends of these folks.

We see them serving up the mussels, but did I miss them talking about Antonia’s dish?

Oh, they DO talk about the mussels. Tony says her dish “really confident”. Lorraine says the garlic bread is “very tasty”.”Nice and intense,” says Padma. Tom says this dish reminds him of his grandfather. “It brings you back. It takes you someplace very special.”

Lorraine says Catherine Scorsese made all the food for Goodfellas. She says that a matriarchal presence is really important. We find out that Frankie No was in Goodfellas.

The next group comes out. Mike comes on a bit strong as he describes his rigatoni dish, but I think Lorraine is buying it. Uh-oh, they don’t like Dale’s dish, which he told them he cooks for his girlfriend. 

Tony says “some poor bastard in the witness protection program is eating this now.”

Apparently Dale cooked everything separately and then threw it together at the last minute. I guess that’s wrong…

Tom baits Lorraine and says if this were what your boyfriend cooked for you, you’d probably leave him? She says, “he’s not getting laid tonight.”

They don’t like Tre’s dish either. Lorraine says a traditional risotto is about the rice and that this is not what it’s supposed to be.

Tony: ”Total overkill with the garnish. Risotto is a thing to be featured, not covered over like you’re hiding a body.” Good one, Tony.

The next dish isn’t promising either. Mike’s pasta isn’t cooked enough. Padma says it isn’t even al dente and that it was hard to begin with. Ron says that “Mike’s dish was the least pleasing of the three.”

Junior says he TOLD them they could use dried pasta and he says if you mess that up, you ruin the whole dish. Tony goes a bit overboard, I think, when he says the dishes from these 3 guys look like what you’d find at “a steam table at your worst enemy’s wedding”.

The diners ooh and awe when the meat course is brought out. Manager Joe likes Angelo’s pork, but thought it was bit too busy. Bartender Nickie says, talking kind of gangsterishly out of the side of his mouth, “By the time you get to the pork chop, you’re almost filled with the garnish.”  Tony says it so swimming in sauce that it violates the “respect your ingredients” rule of Italian cooking.

Ron says Richard’s cutlet was the best of the three for him. Tom likes the pork dish. Frankie No likes Fabio’s “Old World” approach to the dish.

Tony: ”Fabio’s polenta wiped away the stain of the previous course.” WHO comes with these lines? Does he prepare a dozen or so zingers and then use them as they apply or does he really think that quickly on his feet or at the table as the case may be?

Frankie No tells everyone how thrilled he was by the dinner.

Back in the stew room, Mike goes on and on about how he cooked the pasta al dente. And how Tiffany’s dish didn’t sound like antipasti to him.

Padma comes out and calls in Antonia, Carla, Fabio and Tiffany. They’re so relieved when they’re told they have the top dishes of the evening that Tiffany starts crying. Lorraine tells her how much they loved her dish.

Tom loved the simplicity of Antonia’s dish. Tony tells Fabio he was in a dark place after the first course and his dish brought him back to the light. And the winner is Antonia. Fabio looks at her with daggers.

All the pasta course chefs get called in. Okay, I predict Mike will go home. Definitely, I’m completely sure.

Tony says if Mike had used some pasta out of the box he wouldn’t be here. Lorraine says it just wasn’t good and that she was sorry.

Dale says he felt rushed at the end. Lorraine says it was bland. She says she doesn’t know how pancetta could be bland but it was.

Tre says risotto should be firm and Tom says it should spread out when it goes on the plate. Tony says the garnishes were too overpowering.

The chefs leave, while the judges discuss things. Tom says the hard thing is that Italian is simple and doesn’t have to be showy. Tony says a light touch is needed for risotto. Lorraine says that Dale’s dish needed cream.

Okay, I still think it’s Mike. If there’s ONE THING that’s worse than a disappointing risotto, it’s a bad pasta dish, so it’ll be Mike going home.

And the loser is…WAIT! Tom says it’s a tough one, because they’re all great chefs. And the loser is…Tre. Hmmm. That’s an interesting outcome. Frankly, I didn’t think he was particuarly great all season, but this time I didn’t think he was the worst.

Why is it that every week the judging shifts somewhat? Sometimes we’re told no matter how great a chef has been in the past, THIS week he or she really screwed up and so bye-bye. But THIS week, it seems as if Tre did second worst, but because he’s been basically coasting along in previous episodes they sent him home.

Anyway, the challenges were really good this week. I think the cooking without tasting was fascinating and many of the chefs really showed their artistry. And the Italian challenge was harder than it looked, because there were so many different people to please. A Godfather in this case would have come in handy.