Wednesday, September 10, 2008

News Flash: On Rachael's Birthday Special, Rosie Had No Idea What EVOO was...

That was the most interesting part of this special show in honor of Rachael Ray’s 40th birthday. Rosie, acting as host at the beginning of the hour, was asking a series of mostly dumb, no, actually, ALL dumb questions. One of them was what's your favorite smell? RR’s answer: EVOO and garlic. Rosie actually said, "What's EVOO?" Rosie took the opportunity to answer each question herself. When she said the head of a newborn was her favorite smell, RR looked unmoved.

Next out was survivor Cole. (Is that his name? That's what I'm calling could be Lance or Harley or who cares?) He found some sad woman, Janice, who had never had a birthday party and used this as an opportunity to give her one. It was a segment highlighted by it mawkishness.

They brought her to the studio. Cole's voice was so sensitive and caring, I wanted to slap him. "When was the last time you did something nice for yourself?" Cole says, leading the cry-fest.

RR does ask her a good question. "Why the heck haven't you thrown a party for yourself?" or words to that effect. Cole says, “This is going to be HER birthday party too and she'll be sharing it with Rachael.” Really, I'm not fan of RR, but I wouldn’t blame her a bit if she didn't feel like sharing her birthday with a total stranger. Goodness! Here's Billy Ray Cyrus singing Happy Birthday to Rachael AND Janice and Dr. Phil on tape with some un-pithy words of wisdom.

Oh, John and Grettttta are there in some other kitchen. John is cooking for her. Couldn’t he have shaved and put on a clean shirt?

More video messages. Ty, that carpenter guy, found a whole lot of people that didn’t know Rachael and whom she didn’t know and they yelled Happy Birthday to her.

Valerie came out and Rachael was authentically thrilled to at least KNOW one person who was wishing her Happy Birthday. They switch the set and it’s a mock-up of whatever that show was that Valerie was on. Bonnie, looking fabulous, wishes her happy birthday on tape and tells her she’s making her an honorary 3rd daughter. (Let’s hope she doesn’t turn out like the older one.) The super comes out bringing a One Day At A Time poster with Rachael’s pictures on it. Good, they finally said the name of the show which I couldn’t remember. They spend a few minutes reminiscing. They mention Mackenzie, but this was probably taped before her last arrest.

Famous first friend, Gayle, wishes her a heartfelt happy birthday. Cole is back…Oh, they just told us Colby is his name…I prefer Cole. Janice gets brought up to the stage. (For someone who spends no time on herself, where did she get the time to get her hair that color?) Janice’s friends and family come out, while Rachael reads what the gift is. If these friends are SO great, how come they never thought to celebrate her birthday before?

AMEX is giving this random woman FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of gift cards. Did they tell her that there’s a $3.95 charge for each card? With the highest denomination being $500, that’s a whopping add-on. AND after the first year, they take $2.00 a month off the value of the card as a “service fee”. Maybe they waved it for her. I suppose she could go out and buy a Camry.

Amex Gift Cards are a pain:

Terms and Conditions apply to Gift cards.

*Subject to applicable law, a monthly service fee of $2.00 applies but is waived for first 12 months after purchase.
*In one order, you can purchase up to 50 American Express® Gift Cards, which will be sent directly to you at your billing address. *There is a maximum order size of $5000 that can be purchased within a 14-day period. *Orders of $200 and up can only be shipped via UPS. *American Express is no longer shipping Gift Cards to the states of CT, HI, NH, RI & VT. Based upon legislation in these five states, it is cost prohibitive for American Express to sell our Gift Cards.

Back from a break, RR is in the kitchen, thinking she’s going to make chowder. John comes out and says he’s going to make her Chicken Carbonara. They hug a little too much.

More random people, firefighters this time and people standing next to the completely bad Madame Tussaud’s replica of her, say Happy Birthday.

Rachael is overwhelmed. I’m underwhelmed. John is cooking. Frankly, I don’t watch RR’s cooking segments. Why would I watch his? There are some brown things in a watery mixture, what the heck is that? He whisks in beaten eggs and now it looks even worse. I should have paid attention, I guess. He puts 2 anchovies in a pan (could he spare them?) with garlic and oil.

Tomorrow’s show with Whitney looks SO much better. I love Whitney and her nasally California girl accent. I am getting a little tired of LC requiring 100% loyalty from her friends, though. Audrina is right to begin to get a life of her own…Oh I revealing a secret obsession?

OMG, the recipe is complete. There is a brown mound on the plate, I’m not kidding. It looks like dog food or worse. They, luckily, IMMEDIATELY bring out the cake, which is a replica of her(?) kitchen.

The end of show brings a special message from the grand Pooh-bah herself, Oprah, with some special hooey-gooey words on turning 40.

This show was soooooooooo lame, if I were RR, I’d fire each and every producer and replace all those “friends”…and the husband too.


Emiline said...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wouln't the head of a newborn smell...gross? Like placenta and junk.

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

I've made no secret of the fact that I think the RR talk show is horrid. It's just so dull. I can't figure out what it's about. She's not a good interviewer and she really doesn't have much else to offer. I admire anyone who can sit through an entire episode of her show to recap it. The times I've tried I give up halfway through. It's that bad.

What is it with her husband? The man's a lawyer married to a millionaire and he always looks like homeless man. He's in perpetual need of a shave and he always looks like he needs a shower.

Nik Snacks said...

I actually watched this show today. I never watch RR (I'm too busy..well, not really but I like to pretend that I am so that I have an excuse not to watch) And my roommate and I think Rachael is looking a little dark and homely these days. No longer fresh, and new. Oh well.

Sue said...

You are toooooooo funny.

Hi Shortie,
To tell you the truth, I didn't exactly "sit through" the whole show. I kind of had it on in the background, while I was cleaning up the kitchen, doing stuff on my computer and painting a room upstairs...It certainly didn't get the eagle eyed attention that I pay to REAL cooking shows.

The part that about RR that I think IS suited for a talk show is that she's uncomfortable with even a split second of silence. She's able to fill in any blanks or lapses in the conversation, admittedly with inanity often, but she's never at a loss for words.

I really do hope she has a good marriage, but it does seem rather clear what HE'S getting out of it.

Hi Nik Snacks,

A lesser mortal would have looked bedraggled years ago. She does spend many hours a day and many days a year at all of her endeavors, for which, as much as we criticize her, she seems to do an extraordinary amount of work.

But, too bad. I personally don't think it's necessary to see a huge plastic GARBAGE bowl (as well as hawk it) on the counter right next to the food or to use a beach towel (also an item she hawks) to get hot pans out of the oven.

Tracy said...

And I hate FedEx gift cards. I just came across one my brother gave me as a gift a couple of years ago. $50 face value and it's now worth ZILCH. Nobody should buy those things. If you're going to give a gift card, why not just give cash?

As for RR, I think I've watched a total of 1 hour of her show. Can't hack it. Rosie not knowing EVOO would have been pretty funny, though.