And The Next Food Network Star Is...Hah! You Have To Read To The End

The Next Food Network Star - Iron Chefs and Finale

Is there a problem when the last couple of weeks of The Next Food Network Star were actually more entertaining than Top Chef?

Normally, I object to TNFNS because of its odd mix of not-really cooking, hasty media challenges by contestants (who seem ill-prepared for them) and surprisingly personal remarks by judges. “Grow up!” (or something to that effect) comes to mind.

The penultimate TNFNS was excellent, partially because I thought it would be hopeless. The final four were taken to Kitchen Stadium and they had to compete using secret ingredients in front of an all star Iron Chef panel – Morimoto, Cat Cora, Michael Symon, Bobby, of course, and Bob and Susie. While Herb and Aarti cooked, Aria and Tom had to do the on-the-floor reporting for Alton who fired questions at them.

Both Herb and Aarti have pleased the judges with their “culinary point of view”. Aarti, from the beginning, has wanted to make Indian food accessible to the American kitchen. And Herb has lately arrived at his healthier version of the Latin cooking that he grew up with. Both did just fine in the Iron Chef kitchen. Their secret ingredient was shrimp. The judges particularly loved Aarti’s food. All the dishes are here.

Tom, as a floor reporter, was very comfortable, chatting with Alton and getting the scoop on what was going on in the kitchen. He knew what he was talking about. Alton threw a few (REALLY BASIC) questions out and Tom did fine.

Aria was the other one doing commentary and she never took it seriously. She had no clue what was going on or that she was supposed to be finding out. AND Aria didn’t know what paprika was made from. That’s just sad.

Then the contestants traded roles and Aria and Tom cooked while Herb and Aarti did the talking. Aria and Tom got bacon as a secret ingredient. (The four of them did have things A LOT easier by having such easy-to-use secret ingredients.)

Aria basically blew her chance by giving up at the beginning and saying, “I’m making family style food and if they don’t like…TOO bad, that’s who I am.” She didn’t use the bacon at all inventively. She just threw it on the plate as an afterthought And none of her dishes came out particularly well.

For serving, Aria just put stuff in the middle of the table and the judges had to assemble their own dishes. I must say I’ve NEVER seen THAT on an Iron Chef challenge.

Herb was very appealing as a floor reporter. He had a lot of energy. Aarti was hopeless. She didn’t think she’d be good at speaking off the cuff and so she wasn’t. (I could talk my way out of a paper bag, but I’d still be planning my menu long after they dimmed the kitchen stadium lights.)

The judges predictably didn’t think much of Aria’s food. They felt the same way about Tom’s food, except he brought a tremendous energy and creativity to the challenge.

Tom was determined to wow them and to do something different. But there was a reason that no one had ever made what he made before. THEY WERE REALLY BAD IDEAS. He made a bacon cake. Think crab cake, but no crab, just bacon. Actually, a crab cake WITH bacon would have been fabulous, but this a dry mess of a thing.

Another dish he made would have been perfect for a bull mastiff. He took huge hunks of bacon and cooked them like individual steaks. They couldn’t be cut through and they certainly couldn’t be chewed. BUT it was different. Not edible, but different.

Plus HE EMBRACED the challenge. He didn’t rail against it like Aria and just do whatever he wanted. Tom was very appealing this week.

The end comes to the Iron Chef episode and Aria gets the boot, which was a VERY fair outcome (as opposed to the abomination on last week’s Top Chef).

The finale of TNFNS was also well done and not the usual grating annoyance that it has been. It’s interesting that I felt that way, because Rachael Ray directed the three finalists 3 minute pilots.

It could have been brutal, but she was helpful and direct. You see? I have NO problem with RR, as long as she’s not slinging her 9999th version of hamburgers. I like her as a host.

There must have been A LOT more than a few hours coaching and work that went into the pilots, because all three, at the end, looked professional and pretty well done, while the scenes they showed at the beginning of the tapings were pretty messed up.

Herb, for example, was floundering mightily until he taped pictures of his family to the camera and just pretended he was talking to them. (ALL that would do for me is to help me imagine eye-rolling and deep sighs. I’d RATHER be talking to no one.)

They showed the pilots in a studio with Bob, Susie and Bobby, hosting an audience made up of Food Network aficionados, who looked like they’d been sent in from Central Casting. You had the pretty girl, the youngish shirt-sleeved guy, another pretty girl with the part in her hair much too far over, lots of different ethnic types, plus no one too old, too large or too NOT well-dressed.

This focus group had good things to say about all of the finalists, but Tom seems to have captured the most enthusiastic attention. While the other two were pretty well-turned out, Tom rolls into his pilot looking schlumpy as usual…which actually didn’t bother me or the audience.

He seemed very authentic and he IS wearing a (poorly) fitted jacket for the finale. Tom had the best line of the night on his video when he takes his chicken over to the oven and says it’s ready for the big dance. That’s probably NOT from the chicken’s perspective, however.

And Tom’s sign-off was great; “I’m big chef. Don’t be scared. It’s YOUR kitchen.”

You know who he reminds me of? A much less professional, less skilled and less accomplished Anne Burrell. He has the same bull in a china shop demeanor, constant good humor and eagerness for good eats.

We’re nearing the end of the finale. I’ve been an Aarti fan since the beginning and I find myself in the last 10 minutes of the show rooting for Tom.

The selection triumvirate give it away that they’re not going to pick Herb. They find him MUCH improved, but they think they might be taking more of a chance on whether he could continue to improve. That leaves Tom and Aarti.

Aarti started out strong and had some road bumps along the way. Tom started out catatonic and had a powerful finish. Which way to go???

In the seconds before they unveil whose picture will be on the wall with other Food Network notables, I want Tom to win. I think he would be enjoyable to watch.

Who is it? It’s…Aarti. I can’t be unhappy. She’s charming and, most importantly, her food is good and, according to the judges, many times REALLY GOOD.

I have to say, though, that Tom has really grown on me. And if those pretty focus group folks have anything to say about it, I think the Food Network will find a place for him.

Note:

For the first time this season, I actually remembered that there was an “after party” on the Cooking Channel. I set my TiVo to record it after the finale and when I went to watch it (the after party), it was a show called Unique Eats. What the hay?!! I really wanted to hear what Sunny had to say. Was that me or them? Did anyone else have that problem?

The Next Food Network Star - They Actually COOKED Tonight Plus The Best Line Of The Night – “I Like To Play With Myself”

And I Can't Help Myself From Being Harsh With One Contestant In Particular

The Next Food Network Star - Retro Palm Springs

The contestants gather in front of Giada and Bobby to learn about the first challenge. They each get a bunch of different ingredients which they have to make into a little snack for a specific occasion – Birthday party, Bachelorette party etc.

The prize? They get to present entertaining tips on the Cooking Channel. As if reading from a script, Giada says, “The Cooking Channel is the network for today’s new food lover who’s lookin’ for even more.” (Yes, she said LOOKIN’ as if to make it seem like the words just casually fell from her mouth.)

But hold on! I was looking for more and all I got was a stale yellow cake from some British person, a boring bunch of too easy recipes from an Aussie and That’s Amore running through my brain as I watched David Somebody in a retro Italian inspired food show.

Back to the group. They made their stuff. Herb AGAIN overthought the whole thing. He is sooooooooooooooo going home. I would bet the farm that he’s on his way out. Oh, Brianna noise-dived too.

Aria? Not too good either. Bobby looks stunned by her actually. It wasn’t that bad. Oh wait, Bob says he likes Aria. OY, I have no idea what they want from her.

The one on the bottom – Herb and Brianna.

Who were the best? Tom and Brad both relaxed and both won. They will BOTH be presenting their tips on the Cooking Channel. Too bad I won’t be watching because I’ve completely forgotten what out of the way channel it is.

On to the next thing. Ted Allen comes strolling out and for some reason they seem flabbergasted to see him as they ooh and ahh!! He tells them The Star Challenge is to reinvent classic dish with a modern twist. And they’ll be doing it in Palm Springs in Frank Sinatra’s old house. That’s kinda interesting. I’ve driven by there.

Brianna gets Tuna Noodle Casserole that she’s not happy with. She’s going to make a Brie And Crab Casserole. That could be good or a gunky, gummy mess. Brad’s Chicken Cordon Bleu is going to be reinvented as Bacon Wrapped Chicken On Top Of Risotto. Why bother with the risotto? THAT could be a gunky, gummy mess.

The next morning they leave for Frank’s house. We see Brad without his hat (for a moment) and I totally don’t recognize him.

Ooh, they’re on Frank Sinatra Drive. (I love Palm Springs.)

Not Frank Sinatra Drive, but close by.

They arrive at Twin Palms and walk into the pool area (in the shape of a piano). I wonder if it’s open to the public. Oh, it can be rented. What a bargain! NOT!!!

Aria’s spin on Pigs In A Blanket is going to be Buttermilk Battered Shrimp With Crème Fraiche And Caviar. Is she insane? What do the two things have to do with each other?

Oy, I really think she’s going to have a problem this week. Aria actually tells us it’s NOT Pigs In A Blanket, it’s a modern twist. NO, it’s not a twist; it’s a complete u-turn in the opposite direction.

Brad also says he can’t figure out the connection between the two. Aria seems proud of the fact that she’s taking a huge risk. Well, actually she should be a bit more nervous than she is about their reaction.

6 folks sit down at a table set by the pool. Bobby, Bob, Susie, Ted, Maile Carpenter, editor of the Food Network Magazine and some other guy wearing a beat-up hat (AT the table) is there. Aria tells us it’s Cal Fussman. Who?

Anyway, she explains that Pigs In A Blanket are crispy with something salty inside and so is her shrimp. Bobby says, “You threw the pig right out the window.” She said she didn’t want to do pork again.

Ted immediately says, “It’s a strange choice to choose shrimp as the protein.” He doesn’t feel it pays homage to pigs in a blanket in any way. Susie kind of defending her, says she says she’d done pork a lot.” Bobby, almost nasty, says, “SO WHAT! Pork Belly would have been awesome.” Bob likes the dish however and Susie likes her energy. OH, Cal Fussman is from Esquire, they did say that earlier. He liked that she took a risk.

Tom’s spin on Lobster Thermidor is a Lobster Fennel Napoleon. At least the main ingredient is the same, but nothing else is. I don’t know if they’re going to buy the puff pastry idea.

Tom grilled the lobster without oiling the grill and he says it looks like a lobster massacre. Maybe that’s why he’s an unemployed chef. Can you imagine if he ruined a night’s worth of lobster?

He’s happy, though, with the way it looks. He presents it to the committee, thinking it would be good to tie in a Frank Sinatra story. That’s fine but he goes a little off the rails when he describes visits with his grandmother, his parents’ divorce, grandpa dying, grandma belting out Frank Sinatra (after a few whiskies) all in ONE SENTENCE.

Ugh, get to the food a’ready. He finally gets to the dish and he’s talking about how he likes to mix it up in the kitchen. He actually says, “I like to play with myself.” He stops short and looks appalled. Bobby says, “Thank you, Tom,” and he’s dismissed. They actually like the dish.

Lucky for Aarti, she got deviled eggs, which is easy-peasy to make in an Indian style. Plus she said she’s never even had the other dishes before. She’s making a Devil-ish Egg Curry over Red Rice Pilaf. But she has a lot to do and some of it is going wrong. She says she’s feeling a little bit out of her element as she walks up to the table. That’s never good.

Aarti’s spiel isn’t good. She says this is a good dish to make when you don’t have a lot of money. Bob says you’re at Frank Sinatra’s house in Palm Springs, maybe we don’t wanna be thinking about a budget. Good point. AND Susie got no curry on her dish. Not good either. Then Aria tells US that THIS could be HER chance to move ahead…Umm, I think not.

Commercial for an after party on the Cooking Channel. DARN! I would have loved to have seen that. Have they done that before? I’m watching on Tivo, so I had no clue that was on. Of course, it would have meant I would again have had to do deep research into exactly what channel the Cooking Channel is on.

Brianna has burned the bread crumb and wild mushroom topping for her tuna noodle casserole remake. She actually admits to the judges that she burned the crumbs. They like the dish, though. Cal says the dish sold itself. Bob says it had to since Brianna didn’t help it at all with her presentation.

Herb is making a healthy version of Beef Stroganoff. He feels good about it. The judges take a bite and really hate it, but they like HIM. Susie wants him to quit with the healthy food and go with his Cuban roots.

Serena is making an Italian puff pastry (frozen puff pastry) dessert. What does that have to with a Pineapple Upside Down Cake? Apparently it doesn’t, according to Bobby. And Maile says her puff pastry wasn’t even baked all the way through.

There are still more people?!! Oh gosh, Brad. His Bacon-Wrapped Chicken dish does sound good, but he’s got all the excitement of a wet dishrag. Seriously, HOW DID THEY PICK THESE PEOPLE?

The Food Network had to have gotten a bunch of videos from better choices than many of these folks. Do you have to sign so MANY disclaimers, and be available for SO long and agree to so MANY conditions that the pool of people becomes smaller and smaller and smaller until you’re left with an Italian lawyer (Does she actually practice law? At least that would be one thing she was good at.) Or a cap-wearing, bland, third tier cook? Really!

I’m going to be harsh here and say that there is nothing that could come out of Brad’s mouth that would interest me. Even Adam Gertler (HATE that last name) had some verve and elicited a reaction from people, even if it was negative. Brad doesn’t even register on the impression scale. Boring, bland and blasé.

The words “I’m excited” coming from Brad are like someone else barely registering a pulse. Okay, his presentation is good…for him. He has a couple of good lines where he says that he wanted to make Chicken Cordon Bleu HIS WAY. (Everybody should have said that.)

Brad said he’s had doubts, but NOW he’s confident. He’s also 5 weeks late and a million dollars short, which is what it would take to convince me to watch a show starring him on the Food Network.

They all liked his dish and his presentation. Bob says, “He was magic”. NOT!!! He was the way he should have been all along, but he was not magic. He was a soft-spoken, sweet, skinny, unexciting guy. Give me the beast any time!

We’re back in the judging room. Let’s find out who’s out of there. BTW, Brianna is wearing a beautiful one-shoulder dress.

They say Serena doesn’t seem like an expert in Italian cooking. Ya think?!!

Herb’s dish was unsuccessful and he should have gone where he felt more comfortable – Latin cooking, although he says that’s why he was a fat little kid. So stay Latin and cut the fat. What’s the problem?

Bob says Tom’s expertise is diminished by his rambling.

Susie says Brianna was so negative about her dish even before they even tasted it. Brianna admits she has a problem getting personal. Bobby says relaying tips within a personal story is the best way for people to relate. Yes and no, I think. If you give an exciting, informative cooking demonstration, I don’t think anyone has to know squat about your personal life.

Oh gosh, listen to this: BOB SAYS BRAD REMINDED THEM ALL OF THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD WITH HIS EFFORTLESS STYLE. Puleez! Just because he didn’t stare at them like a deer in the headlights (THIS TIME) does not mean he’s been transformed into Emeril.

They tell Aria they liked her food, but even though she tries AGAIN to make a connection between fried shrimp and a hot dog in pastry, they don’t buy it. I actually agree (for once)!

Bob didn’t like Aarti’s food or presentation. And the winner is…Brad...of course, it is. This is dumb.

Aarti, Herb and Brianna are in the bottom three. It’s gotta be Herb who’s going home. And the loser is…Brianna! Gosh, I’m so bad at this! I think that’s a big mistake. Herb is not going to win and Brianna I could see possibly pulling it out.

The Next Food Network Star - Reality Cooking Show Or Intense Psychiatric Drama?

The Next Food Network Star - Lunch Trucks With Paula

The problem with the beginning episodes of TNFNS is that there are just too many folks to keep track of. I wrote about this season’s first episode when there seemed to be hundreds of them, and, luckily, they've whittled them down somewhat since then.

I have been watching, though, and I’m finding the show to be less and less about cooking and more and more about drama. I have other places to go, frankly, if I want that in my life.

Last night’s episode was a case in point. Herb, the fitness guy, apparently had a traumatic childhood from which he’s only recently recovered. He weeps at every challenge and Susie put it well when she said we see pain from you and that doesn’t exactly make for an entertaining food show. I think we all like to see someone triumph AFTER they’ve recovered, but watching someone make a sandwich with a big dose of tears may not fly on the Food Network.

The problem is that the judges WANT them to reveal things about themselves. They want personal stories that the viewers can relate to. These contestants (they are, in the main, not CHEFtestants) seem to have personal stories either too mundane or too painful to share.

The judges say week after week that Brianna isn’t giving them part of herself, yet her food is mostly imaginative and well-done.

I can’t think of one reason that Paul was chosen initially. He can’t cook; he can’t tell interesting stories; and he actually offends people with his less than winning personality. Plus he has red hair, which, let’s be honest, is always a hard sell on a guy.

They want them to be real and yet when they reveal themselves to be kind of boring or ordinary or just plain jerky, the judges criticize them.

And, actually, sometimes it feels like it is getting TOO personal. Aria, who had been “ahead” through much of the competition, was basically told last night that they were tired of her bubbly, friendly personality, which they loved at the beginning. That hurt MY feelings and I don’t even particularly like Aria. NOW Susie thinks she’s too “one-note”. Aria did what they wanted and now they’ve decided that’s not good enough.

I understand the need for personal stories. I LOVE it when Ina includes her “friends”. But, frankly, I don’t really care if she picked them up from the K-Mart parking lot just before the show. They are simply a vehicle for Ina showing us what a grand hostess she is. Whether it’s real or not, doesn’t matter.

A lot of folks blast the Cake Boss, because the situations are so unlikely and obviously set up. I couldn’t care less. I just love to see Mama yelling at him and his sisters harassing him. The main thing is that IT IS BUDDY DECORATING THOSE CAKES LIKE A MASTER, so if the drama part is a bit fake, oh well.

So what are these potential Food Network Stars to do, in order to stay in the judges’ good graces?

I think they should just say whatever it takes to sound friendly and identifiable with their audience. If they have to make up a pretend family, then ok. Who would ever find out?

Obviously, they can’t say they’ve been knighted by the Queen, but if they tell family tales more from their imagination than their actual photo albums, it’ll keep the judges happy and the audience entertained. AND I suppose it’s human nature to prefer pretend delightful stories to real wrenching ones…on the Food Network anyway.

At this point - last night was episode 5 and they’re halfway through -only one or two stand out to me. Food blogger, Aarti, is my favorite. (Bloggers Unite!) But I wonder when Bob and Susie will realize that this may not be the best way to audition talent for new shows. Plus their therapy bills after this rigorous process may exceed the food budget.

The Next Food Network Star - "It’s Like Putting Your Egg Into Somebody Else’s Womb And Then…You Get…What You Get." Huh?!!

The Next Food Network Star

Stereotyping is not usually my thing, but the Food Network is making it sooo hard with their new season of The Next Food Network Star. Here are this season’s contestants and who they are “playing”:

Doreen - Is she like a less living-large version of Debbie?

Is Aarti a less unhappy version of Nipa??? No, in fact, she’s not a downer at all. Actually, she’s nice AND she’s a food blogger. I want her to win. So what if we’re only 45 seconds in!

Paul is an obnoxious slightly older version of Adam, who was sooo not one of my favorites. Paul also has shades of know-it-all Jeffrey, which is not a compliment to either of them.

Herb seems like Jorge Cruise. He’s a personal trainer and wants to combine that with a cooking show. Wouldn’t he do better on Bravo? I don’t hate him. Oh, he’s a dad too…okay, I like him.

Wait a sec, some real true sexism has crept in. I always hate it when the women mention their kids. I like women to show an identity outside of the brats. But now that Jorge, I mean Herb, talks about his rug rats, I get all misty. Not fair.

Okay, cut the kid-talk, Herb, and give me 40! (Preferably without your shirt.)

Brianna, self-described as “sassy” and “a diva” is obviously going to be the witch of the group. Actually, she has shades of Debbie too. Didn’t I hear Susie saying in a promo that the choice is not just about ability (if at all, if you ask me), it’s about likability? Brianna has no chance.

Tom is bearded and bellied and seems like he might have been a chef in a frat house. NEXT!

Alexis (a guy) is a food writer, so I SHOULD like him, but he’s full of himself. AND I don’t like his closely cropped, over-the-edges-of-his mouth moustache. Actually, once he talks a bit, he seems like he might be nice and interesting. We’ll see.

Dzintra Dzenis (Could that be her REAL name?) Hey, I just noticed that these folks are old!!! Yay! Zin-Traah Zen-Iss (the D’s are silent) is 45. Alexis (a guy) is 40.

Brad is the young Turk. He’s 25 and a seasoned chef (he says).

Serena starts by telling us that she has no culinary education (she’s a 31 year old lawyer), BUT she has strong women in her family who taught her to cook. She appears to be Italian or some Mediterranean something. Ehh!

Darrell is a hot young guy, who immediately starts chatting up the ladies. As long as he doesn’t come off as smarmy (remember Teddy?), he can stay.

Oh gosh, there are more.

Aria is a cute as a button private chef who seems funny and nice AND she’s 40. Yay for old people! Oh, wait, she’s only 30…Sorry!

I still like her…almost as much. She brings up her 3 year old Luca (that’s a boy…with cute long hair). One sentence about her son is acceptable, after that, it’s annoying.

Thank goodness, there are no more folks coming into the house.

They have to go to the "Food Star Kitchens". I don’t like that name. They meet the judges, critics, whatever you all them…Bob says he wants their personalities to shine.

Susie comes right out and says the only the thing that’s important is how much crap they can shill…or words to that effect. Should she really have been so obvious? And Bobby says what he always says, THANK GOODNESS, that it’s all about the food.

Bobby then introduces Giada, who is acting as a mentor this season. She is forced to say some lines that are definitely un-Giada-like. She says Bob saw an article about her and wanted to put her and her recipes on television. And the rest as they say is history. Ugh.

The contestants have to cook chicken and potatoes in whatever way will define them and their style of cooking, but they only have 45 minutes. A bunch of them are about to serve raw chicken.

They also have to do a camera challenge and talk about their dish in 30 seconds.

The results:

Aria – good.

Doreen – bad.

Jorge/Herb talks too much, but he has a good line. He says he puts a lot of cilantro in his dish, because, just like him, you either like it or you don’t.

Tom - uneasy, slow and uninteresting.

Dzintra – they like her dish, she kind of mangles her words.

Serena – good food, not great presentation.

Das (is that Darrell?) – He’s so appalled his chicken is uncooked that he can’t even look the camera in the eye.

Aarti – Her presentation is really good, but her chicken is kind of raw.

Paul – He gets up there and says, “Today I prepared blah blab blah.” and then he walks off.

Brianna starts off kind of cute and then bombs. Bobby thought her dish looked and tasted good.

Brad – extremely nervous in front of the camera. Really boring, but a good cook.

Alexis (a guy) – not good, not good at all. “I did this, this and this.” No personality. Timid. Bobby thought his food was delicious.

The worst ones –

Das, Tom are the bottom two.

The two winners – Herb and Aria. They’ll have a real advantage in the next day’s “Star Challenge”.

They go to Paramount Studios where Giada introduces them to director, Andy Fickman, who will help them make their promos. You may remember his signature feature, Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical.

Didn’t Jeffrey’s promo last season have absolutely nothing to do with the pilot that he eventually shot for the finale? Actually wasn’t the same true of Melissa?

Before we see the promos, the folks are told they have to cater a 6 course meal for some mystery chef, which I think we already know is Wolfgang Puck. Didn’t we see him in a promo?

They’re divided into 2 groups with Aria and Herb each leading a team.

There’s a bit of drama when Dzintra gets something in her eye and is gone for hours getting it looked at. She NEVER returns until well into the next day. Was she getting a cornea transplant? Some of her housemates say she should have sucked it up. Nice Aartri says there’s nothing more important than one's eye.

They shop and cook. The next day they arrive at a restaurant and there is Wolfgang Puck. What a surprise! NOT! They have to present their food AND their promos to the judges and Wolfgang. (It IS a bit weird that they watch the promos BEFORE they taste the food. Should the food really sit there?)

Aria’s team presents its meal first.

Aria goes first and is confident and a lot of fun. Her promo and food are a success.

Paul’s salad is overdressed. His promo is “forced” and “contrived”, but with energy.

Aarti is lovely and so is her promo. Wolfgang even offers her a job.

Brianna’s seared scallop over potato hash looks good, but her promo is too party girl-like. Wolfgang thinks her food needs more spice.

Tom comes out looking messy and so does his promo, but he’s kind of charming in the way an adolescent boy can be.

The others had put together Dzintra’s dish and she comes out and basically apologizes for it, saying she had nothing to do with it.

In the most noteworthy quote of the night, Dzintra says, “It’s like putting your egg into somebody else’s womb and then the result that you get is what you get.” Huh?

Bob looks startled by her remark. He's not used to women's body part talk. WHY did she even present the dish? And in her analogy, who’s the womb, who’s the egg, and…oh, never mind…

The next team is up.

Herb/Jorge makes a beautiful ceviche served with a plantain spider, whatever that is. I think it might be a smashed and fried plantain. They watch his lackluster promo and hear Herb say it’s horrible. Bobby asks him about that.

Herb says he’s much better than that promo. He’s a dad, a personal trainer and a personal chef. Wolfgang asks him how many push-ups he can do and he springs into the personal trainer mode and does a bunch of tricked-up push-ups. They eat it up. Bobby says he does pushups like those only in his dreams. Herb leaves them on a high note.

Doreen is doing a soup that I love! It’s a potato soup with a beet purée. Fantastic idea, BUT she runs out of time and doesn’t get the beet reduction in the bowls on time. THAT is a real shame.

Doreen goes out and apologizes nonstop. They are not impressed by her dish or her presentation. Wolfgang tells her to NEVER let a dish go out “if it’s not finished.” What exactly was she supposed to do in this case? Bob says star power is about confidence ”and apologizing is the exact opposite of that”. Obviously, Doreen didn’t manage her time well. I don’t love her, but it’s a pity, because I do love beets.

Das does well with his three layer salad. The judges want him to stop flailing his arms in the promo and Wolfgang thinks he should edit his food as well. Also, they don’t like that he keeps referring to himself as cool.

Brad was dealing with frozen yucky salmon, which HE didn’t buy. He’s upset. His promo is boring and “tight”. Somehow his fish passes muster. Wolfgang says his dish is the best today. Bobby loves that he used red wine. Giada says THIS is her kind of dish. But he needs help on camera.

Serena’s promo is energetic. Wolfgang says her chicken is dry, but that it would look good on television like her. (She’s cute.) Bob says she was bit actressy. Wolfgang wants to know if the Food Network can live with two Italian princesses. Giada laughs and says, “The more the merrier.” Yeah, that’s what she says ON camera.

Alexis (a guy) says (to us) that his beignets look horrible. Then he says (to us) that HE wouldn’t watch his show after seeing his promo. Funny.

Alexis (a guy) tells the judges that these beignets are a dish he makes with his sister. In the second best line of the night, Wolfgang asks, “Are you still talking to her? THIS is unedible…My wife would divorce me if I would give her that to eat.” Ouch!

The contestants go into the evaluation. I’m guessing Alexis (a guy) will go home, unless they do the right thing and send Dzintra home, because she did nothing. It’s a shame that her eye got in the way, but the others actually DID something, plus her promo wasn’t good enough to save her.

They start with the grey team. The judges are unsure what to do about Dzintra, but if her team wins the overall challenge, then I guess she won’t be going home.

Aria – They liked her

Brianna – not so much.

Paul – Susie says he needs a little funny...”rightaway!”

Tom – They liked his promo.

Aarti – She says Bobby isn’t going to like her cooking. He says he DID like her soup and Susie tells her to pick up her big girl boots and stop sabotaging herself with self-doubt.

Bob says the grey team wins and Aarti is the overall winner. The judges say that Dzintra will get a second chance and she better bring it next week. Her teammates look less than thrilled that she’s staying.

The black team goes in. Susie says the team struggled. Did they really? Wasn’t it just that Doreen forgot the beets and Alexis’s dish stank?

Herb – enthusiastic, needs help on camera.

Doreen loses before she even opens her mouth with her apologetic attitude. Susie says it was unprofessional. That’s a bit harsh, I think. She was so disappointed that she ran out of time that it affected her spiel in front of the judges. I don’t hate Doreen.

Serena – They like her dish, but think she was kind of fake on camera.

They think Alexis (a guy) was a lot more fun than what he was portraying on camera.

They say Brad’s cooking is great. His camera work needs work.

They blast Das much more than is necessary. The judges basically say they’re beginning to hate his cool guy personality and they know nothing about his cooking. The last part is fair, but if they hate him so much, WHY did they make him a finalist??!

Brad, Herb and Serena are safe. They can leave. It’s between Doreen, Das and Alexis (a guy). Obviously, Alexis (a guy) is going home.

And it’s…Alexis. Of course it is. He was horrid. It wasn’t so much his fault, though. I just don’t understand how he got picked in the first place.

Not a bad start. I like the addition of Giada. I hope she gets a decent chance to really “mentor” the contestants. There are fewer strongly objectionable contestants this season and I do like that they’re skewing a bit older. I do wonder, though, if the old adage will be proven correct – If youth knew; if age could.