Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Cake Boss Takes A Load Off And Gives Us Diet Tips

Cake Boss with Buddy Valastro

Soldiers, Sand and Salads

Buddy’s entire group of “NJ Bakers” is at FAO Schwarz, admiring all the toys. Why are they there? The parents of twin boys came in and said they were having a party for them at FAO Shhh-WARS. The guy pronounced it really funny and I can tell you that the 99 million times I’ve been in that store, I’ve always said Sh-WARTS.

The father wants the cake to be toy-themed or soldier-themed. Buddy goes wild with all kinds of ideas and HE (Buddy) pronounces the name correctly. He takes his gang to look at the store. I love that they’re walking around Schwarz in their chef’s whites.

They look up at the big toy soldier and Buddy definitely wants to incorporate that in the cake. I hope the twins are complete brats and throw the cake at each other. That will make for more drama.

The bakers play at the piano and Buddy asks them if they’re happy that he brought them there on a field trip.

Back at the bakery, he decides to make the big piano going across the length of the cake and then a bunch of toys that you associate with the toy store, including toy soldiers. The number one thing I associate with FAO Schwarz is fantastic stuffed animals, but I don’t see any of those being made.

Buddy builds the soldiers out of loads of cake and then dirty ices them.

These guys, James and JT, arrive to consult with Buddy about a cake for their beach club on the Joisey Chore. They’re celebrating their 10th year. They want sand and surf and stuff like that on the cake. Buddy adds a lifeguard stand idea.

Frankie brings in Buffalo wings for lunch. Mary comes in and yells at them about what they’re eating. Buddy says he’ll make a bet with her that he and his (enormous) buddies can lose more weight than Mary and her “chubby” sisters. Chubby is still better than enormous.

Buddy says they’re having a one week competition of Buddy, Mauro, Danny and Frankie against sisters Lisa, Madddddddalena, Mary and Grace to see which team loses the most weight. Buddy tells the gals, “If YOUSE wins, we’ll work in the storefront for youse. If WE win, you gotta wash the sinks and the dishes.”

Tone Tone (Buddy’s assistant) is the official weight keeper. He weighs everyone. They haven’t made it clear yet if it’s total weight lost or a percentage. This is kinda dumb and so obviously staged that it’s pointless.

Buddy gets back to work on the vanilla and CHAW-co-lot cakes for the twins. Ah, I see a little teddy bear. Cute! They make the piano with THIRTY TWO KEYS! They screw together the soldiers and finish up the details. The cake looks amazing.

Buddy and his boys “sneak” out (the way a two ton truck could pussyfoot around) to work out at the Sky Club Fitness and Spa. If it’s this one, they’re really lucky.

Watching the guys work out is NOT a pretty site, despite the beautiful surroundings. They go on the treadmills. Wowee, they may have worked all the way up to 1.5 miles an hour. They “jump” off to use the weights. Just lifting their stomachs off their belts would be a good start. Buddy says they’ll be ready for swimsuit season in no time.

They go back and start the beach club cake. Buddy likes that his whole team can contribute something to the cake. He’s making such a huge base that his arms can barely stretch far enough to ice the thing (with CHAW-co-lot buttercream) without having to move to another side. He makes some sand dunes and uses brown sugar as the sand. I don’t know how much I’d like to get a mouthful of brown sugar, but he’s the boss. The water on the cake will be made from colored piping gel.

The gals go to the gym next. They ask for a trainer. One of them wants someone “motivating”, another one wants someone "cute”. Out comes tattooed Mike, with enough muscles for them all to hold on to.

Buddy says the challenge of the beach cake is that it’s so big. He places all kind of fun figures on it - a bikini babe, an old man, some little kids. They bring it out to Long Branch beach, which Buddy tells us is 30 miles south. They carry it up to a roof deck to great applause. Wow, they all say. They love it. Buddy loves it when they love it.

They go back to the shop and Buddy explains their new diet regime – getaloadadis! – MUCH LIGHTER PASTRIES and cut down on their serving sizes. They decide one biscotti each is fine.

Back to the gals at the gym...Mike is letting them ride on his back, while HE does push ups.

Buddy finishes up the soldiers with their little hands and drums. He adds the other toys and a teddy bear. Too cute. Buddy admits that he’s obsessive compulsive and when he sees that individual poppy seeds (about 8) have fallen from one of the model trains on the cake, it drives him crazy. Danielle and Tone Tone take them off with needles.

The cake is a masterpiece. It looks like there are real toys on it. They arrive at FAO Schwarz and carry the cake in to a huge crowd. Oh, that’s just the folks on the first floor of the store, which has nothing to do with the party. They go up the escalator – WITH THE CAKE - and are greeted by a bunch of kids. The twins start touching all the toys on the cake. The parents are thrilled. The twins are interested for about 2 seconds. Can’t Buddy ever stay to taste? I guess not.

Buddy and the group get a new weigh in. Buddy loses 4.4 pounds. Mauro loses 6.4 pounds (oh, the size of his pinky nail) Sammy (who’s that?) - 6.4 pounds and Frankie loses 15.8 pounds! EVERYONE knows that guys lose weight faster than girls.

The sisters’ results? 4 pounds; 4.4 pounds; 7.2 pounds and 7.6 pounds.

So the guys total weight loss is 33.2 pounds or 2.76% of their total weight. ToneTone must be a math whiz or something! The girls lose 24.5 lbs or 3.4%. Yay!!! Sisterhood is powerful!

Nice guy Buddy is still happy that everyone lost weight. The end is a little anticlimactic as the men man the counters. We only see seconds of it and it doesn’t look like they had too hard a time.

I love Buddy and his baking and real family, but it does seem like they’re running out of situations to put them in. The producers should do a better job of coming up with stuff, or maybe it’s just that the Cake Boss and his crew are sooo real, that they chafe a bit at being planted in the pretend-land that is Reality TV.


Adam said...

That's a pretty cool idea for a cake, and while the brown sugar does look like sand, I agree with you on the taste. Mouthful of sand = Bad. Mouthful of brown sugar = Not as Bad, but not good :)

Gotta love the portion control as a diet method. Those guys could lose 50 pounds easy if they ate some brocolli.

Sue said...

Probably the closest they've ever gotten to broccoli is sculpting it out of modelling CHAW-co-lot and sticking it on an Easter bunny cake.