Around The World In (Almost) 80 Plates

I’m not talking about that Bravo show. I’m talking about my recent trip down South and the number of plates I brought back. H and I had a lovely visit with our friends in May. He played golf and I went sightseeing, shopped, lunched and ate and shopped some more. Much of my time was spent “antiquing” amongst dusty vintage (and not so vintage) items with my patient friends.

Why was I buying plates? Well, I got this thing in my head that I couldn’t let go of. I had read somewhere that it was fun to collect old plates (NICE, old plates) and then when you have the occasion to bring homemade goodies to someone’s house, part of the gift is the “vintage” plate.

I can’t tell you how much more fun it makes going around to antique barns and dingy second hand stores when you have an actual item in mind or something that you collect.

The only problem was that in an effort to "consolidate" my purchases at the end of every day (oh, who am I kidding? I was trying to hide all the galump from H), I didn't realize exactly how MANY plates I had actually bought. It wasn't until I had unpacked all the crammed together parcels and boxes that I found these:

And these:

Oops, I forgot this one:

Oh wait, that isn't a plate. It's a tin tray to go with another one I picked up. 

Oy, this reminds me of something else that I started collected a few years ago - “Silent Butlers”. And I found one that kind of went with that tin tray AND it was a very different version from the others that I have. 





Silent Butlers are usually hinged and handled containers that were used for crumbing the dinner table in more gracious times. In my parents’ day they were often used for emptying ashtrays. (Gross.) But it’s funny how they bring back the past and I just like them. Go figuh! 

You see how this starts? You find one great item of a certain kind and then others just start presenting themselves to you, so really you have no choice but to bring them home. I also want to make clear that NOTHING was pricey. (Are you reading this, H?) 

I WAS hoping to find 2 and 3 dollar plates. They were a bit more than that, but nothing was outrageous. The most expensive thing that I bought (that I'm admitting to here) was a LIMOGES vegetable dish. It's possible that it had a lid at one time, but I really don't mind it lid-less. It would have just gotten in the way. It's quite lovely and will be perfect at Thanksgiving. 

Guess how much? $14! 

Click here to see a similar one (with a lid) for a much higher price. 

I'll tell you all about what we ate down south next time...

And between you and me, I left out a few plates:

Latest Paula - Hot Pepper Alert And How NOT To Chop An Onion

Paula's Best Dishes with Paula Deen

Seafood Shack

Glazed Barbeque Shrimp

Fried Potatoes and Parsnips

Grilled Crab Cake Sammies

Coconut Lime Cake

I nearly sputtered right into the television and called the paramedics when I saw Bobby cutting a jalapeño with his bare hands on Paula's Best Dishes over the weekend. (Or was it Jamie? No, it was Bobby.) 

Remember my run-in with stupidity when I handled hot peppers recently? Admittedly, I was dealing with a habañero in addition to a  jalapeño, but still. Don’t do it. I guess he didn’t want to look like a sissy.

Then I noted Paula making an incredible mess of chopping an onion, which reminded me of the way I do it when no one’s looking, which would never happen if there were a French chef within 5 kilometers of my kitchen.

What did Paula do? She cut off BOTH ends. (The classic way is to leave the root end intact.) Then she sliced the onion and attempted (unsuccessfully) to get those slices lined up so she could turn them into a nice dice. It was kind of a wreck and she chopped it all willy nilly at the end anyway. If she’s processing her barbecue sauce before she uses it, it really doesn’t matter. Oh, but she’s not, so the sauce will have onions of all shapes and sizes.

Here’s the classic way to chop an onion:

1) Cut off the hairy bits at the root end.

2) Slice the onion in half on the international dateline 
(as opposed to the equator). 

3) Slice onion parallel to the work surface.

4) Next, cut onion perpendicular to the root end. 
(See, kids, geometry does come in handy.)

5) The last cut is parallel to the root and leaves you with a nice dice.

 

MY way actually starts out like Paula’s by cutting both ends off. (A chef would go wild.) But it’s so much faster than the classic method. 

The trick is to hold the onion together at the end so it doesn’t splay apart. Let me show you. (And no matter if I’m processing the final result or not, I always feel better when I chop an onion neatly.):

1) Cut both ends off each onion half.

2) Make your first cut parallel to the top (or bottom) of the onion.

How close your slices are will determine the size of your dice.

3) Turn your onion 90 degrees.

4) Hold slices together tightly while you cut. 

 

5) The onion pieces will separate as you stir them.

 

About Paula and Bobby’s barbecue sauce for their shrimp – it’s somewhat similar to my version of a James Beard one…so I bet it would be good. But I still can’t believe that Bobby’s mama didn’t tell him to put on gloves.

By the way, when I watched the rest of Paula’s show – Crab Cake Sandwiches, Fried String Potatoes and Parsnips, and a Coconut Cake iced with butter (lots) and confectioner’s sugar (5 cups) - I completely forgot about the diabetes thing. I just hope Paula hasn't.

Thank A Veteran Today

And think about our veterans. That’s always good too. And not just today. 

I made some of the usual – Chicken on a Roll with Honey Mustard Dressing (email me for the recipe), Roasted Potato Salad and Baked Beans.

I also served some really great Amish Vegetable Chips. To learn more about them, you'll have to read my next(ish) post to hear about my travels...

The other thing I made was some pretty wicked Chinese-Style Cole Slaw.

It was wicked because, for the first time ever, I neglected to put on gloves when I was handling the hot peppers. In this case, it was a jalapeño, which might have been bearable, but the other was a fiery red habañero.

Really, what was I thinking? And there have been many times when I haven’t had gloves handy and I just use plastic bags with rubber bands around my wrists. WHY didn’t I do that? 

I tried to wash the hot poison off my hands. (I hadn’t yet read about rubbing your hands with vegetable oil after you wash them and then wash them again. It works!) Unfortunately (I still can’t believe how dumb I was), I took out my contac lenses with my burning hands. I think I must have been in a coma or something. It did everything you would think it would. My eyes burned to high heaven!!! AND I won’t even tell you that the next day I tried to salvage the contacs…Don’t do that either! 

But try this cole slaw. It tastes more like the cabbage salad you get in Chinese restaurants than the kind you have at a picnic, but it is GOOD. It would be fantastic with pulled pork, flank steak or really anything. Just be sure to do what I SAY, not what I DID when dealing with hot peppers. 

Spicy Chinese-Style Cole Slaw (serves 4 to 6)

Printable recipe here adapted from Gourmet’s Hot-And-Sour Coleslaw 1/2 small head cabbage, quartered, cored, and thinly sliced or grated 1 teaspoon salt 3 carrots, shredded 1/4 cup scallions, finely sliced 1/2  red pepper, cut into thin strips 1/4 cup cider vinegar 1/4 cup sugar 2 thick slices ginger 1  jalapeño, sliced into rounds (remove the seeds) – Wear gloves when handling 1/4  of a habañero, without seeds, stem, core or ribs - Wear gloves when handling 1 tbl. sesame oil Stir together cabbage and salt. Add carrots and scallions and stir well. Bring red pepper, vinegar, sugar, ginger, jalapeño and habañero to a boil in a very small saucepan, stirring over medium heat until the sugar is dissolved. Cook for about 30 seconds.  Remove ginger, jalapeño and habañero pieces (you’ll be glad you did). Stir in sesame oil, then pour over cabbage mixture and toss to coat. Stir really well before serving. Can be made a day ahead and refrigerated, tightly wrapped. Note: I don't usually tell anyone, but my baked beans recipe is this - Heat one can of Heinz Vegetarian Baked Beans with one can of Bush's Vegetarian Baked Beans. Add 3 good squirts of KC Masterpiece Original Barbecue Sauce. Simmer on a low heat for 15 minutes.They'll thicken up as they cook. Serve hot.

What’s The Best Thing About “Around The World In 80 Plates”?

Definitely Cat Cora’s haircut.

I finally got around to watching the first episode. I know the second episode is on tonight. I didn’t really want to watch it, but the promos made Cat Cora’s new haircut look really alluring. I wanted to see what happened to it as she goes around in the world to places of different humidity levels. (I bet it looks super, no matter how steamy the weather.)

I really liked the first five seconds of the show when Cat and Curtis say the words ”We’re going around the world in 80 plates” and the background changes to a different country with every word or so. That was nifty. The show went downhill after that and the title is kind of dumb.

Even in the promo, you can tell that this is Amazing Race/Survivor meets Top Chef. The idea is that the chefs will work in teams (ick) in each country and complete a culinary race that will “test their skill, stamina and knowledge of local cuisine”.

I have to admit I’ve only seen the Amazing Race once (when they went to Cambodia…neat), but this seems like a complete and total ripoff of that. The chefs don’t have to make their own way to different countries, but once they’re there, they have to engage in some kind of competition and get themselves around the new city. The added spin is that the chefs take over local restaurants to cook local dishes hoping to impress the local customers.

I’m thinking that besides being a super-competitive triathlete, the winning chef will have to be cocky, a definite stabber-in-the-back and a chef who is probably trained classically, but also (just as importantly) knows his or her way around Asian cooking. You just know they’re going to end up in some country that ends in SIA. Malaysia, Indonesia, or just plain ASIA counts too.

The only reason I’m watching this is to see how Cat’s hair fares, but I also want to see the places. This week was London. We actually only saw the inside of two pubs, but next week is France and any view there would be great. Plus Spain looks to be in the mix. I haven’t looked into any further episodes and, really, I couldn’t care less about the chefs. Let’s see if they make me care.

Next they show little clips of the chefs. The two most noteworthy? Number one is Sai, some Thai chef gal, who says she wants to be known for people wanting to _ _ _ _ her. HEY! Isn’t this a family show?!! We also see suggestive model-type photos. She is really gross. Just cook.

The other guy I’m interested in is the chef of the Boston Red Sox. Who knew baseball teams had their own chefs? I mean I know chefs work in stadiums and stuff, but to call yourself the Chef of the Boston Red Sox is cool. He cooks for all the VIP’s. Let’s face it, where is there better food than at a ballpark? Really I’m not kidding.

The chefs all arrive in London (separately) and we see three other chefs who don’t know Big Ben when they see it. That probably doesn’t bode well for their general savoir faire. I’m not being mean. I’ve never been to St. Louis, for example, but I’d know the arch anywhere. Same difference.  By the way, one of those chefs looks exactly like Mary Alice from the Ace of Cakes.

One young guy brags that he works for Art Smith and has cooked for presidents and Oprah. Well, that is exciting, but I’m still impressed by the baseball guy. His name is Nookie.

Another chef, Keven, (I guess we can’t blame HIM for how his name is spelled) is a total jackass. He said when people started calling him Chef Keven, it became Cheven. THAT is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Should we call President Obama “Presama”?!! Really, really dumb.  Luckily, the slutty chef (I think) calls him out in the taxi and says most men don’t wear their shirts unbuttoned that low. Of course, SHE shouldn’t be talking…

They all meet up with Curtis and Cat at London’s Borough Market. Cat’s hair is straight at the moment and not that smooth looking. (C’mon they promised us curly hair and promoted it like crazy! It has to look good in EVERY shot!)

Curtis tells them they have to divide themselves up into two teams. Really dumb. They’ve haven’t even met yet.

This is how it’ll work. They’ll go to a different international city every week. They’ll “tackle the course”. Race course? Course of study? Dunno. “It’s a race that will immerse (them) in the local food culture.” The first team that finishes “the course” will get some special ingredient which will give them a huge advantage. Then they take over a kitchen and have to cook local food for the locals.

Jerky Keven starts running in one direction and the rest of his team (the red team) follows him, except that he’s gotten them lost. Thai chef/sexy babe turns out to be an infantry instructor for the army. (WHY didn’t she open with that? That’s neat) She rallies the troops and gets them going in a different direction.

The other team (black team) takes a cab and gets to the pub first.

Keven’s team is STILL trying to find the pub and now someone other than Thai chef gal tries looking at the map.

The challenge is to go to 3 pubs and eat and drink certain foods really fast. I’m not sure the after-effects of that are fit for broadcast television.

At the second pub, they have to drink a yard of ale. That’s ale in a glass which appears to be 3 feet high. Ew. If the whole team drinks 3 yards of beer, they don’t have to eat any steak and kidney pie. Both teams opt for the liquid option. (They seem to be swapping quite a lot of saliva after just meeting.)

The two teams arrive at the last pub about 3 minutes apart. They have to eat tons of fish and chips and drink cider. I’m guessing they screened out the chefs with drinking problems, although they probably could develop one after this challenge. 

One team wins, I think it’s Keven’s. (I like how NO ONE is calling him Cheven.)  Each team takes over one of the pubs they went to. They have to cook the 3 dishes they crammed into their mouths, plus two more.

The winning team gets potatoes as their “exceptional ingredient”. The other team gets NO potatoes. This is one of those impossibly hard challenges that proves little, except that the chefs have to the appetites and drinking capabilities of frat boys.

One more thing, THEY vote THEMSELVES off. There are no judges to do the dirty work. The losing team members will choose themselves which member goes home. So they’ve definitely stolen the basic concepts of Amazing Race, Top Chef AND Survivor and mixed them all together.

It is incredible to me how few NEW ideas there are in television, in movies…in anything really. What’s the last really original thing you watched OR tasted? I guess molecular gastronomy was different from what came before.

I just heard Bravo’s Andy Cohen say the idea of the Real Housewives came to him from soap operas and the fact that he was a huge Susan Lucci fan. He wanted to recreate that kind of fantasy life. I’m glad he admits it’s a fantasy.

Both teams pow-wow to decide on their dishes. They shop the next day and then go to their respective pubs to cook. We’re hearing a lot from Sai (formerly showgirl and now tough competitor…in MY mind at least).

Remember what about the kind of training a chef would need for this show (after I had seen only 4 minutes)?  Well, Sai calls herself “a classically trained ASIAN chef”. Bingo! Of course, I meant FRENCH classically trained, and then Asian cooking experience either through ethnicity, travel or actual kitchen time. I’m not really sure what “classically trained ASIAN chef” means.

Keven is convinced his teammates are looking at him as a likely candidate to go home, because he says they know he’ll be such a huge challenge at the end. Umm…that’s not exactly why they think he’s going home. What a numbskull!

They finish cooking and it’s time for service. Sai is doing front of the house duties for her team. When one guy complains that there are no roast Pa-Hate-oh’s (he talks funny), she says it’s MORE HEALTHIER that way and everyone could stand to lose a few pounds. Dummy! Insulting your guests is not the way to get good marks. AND THEN she actually people if they’re missing the regular potato fries. (They served polenta fries.) Don’t bring attention to it, if you don’t have to! (At least, she kept her top on.)

Sai really isn’t too bright. She greets Curtis and Cat’s table and the stunning Nigella is introduced to her. Sai just says Hi Nigella, as if she’s no one. THEN it clicks. OH NIGELLA. HI!

Nigella likes the polenta fries. The food is going well so far. Keven’s bread pudding is fairly popular, but it needs more custard.

It’s the second team’s turn. At least THERE, the front-person (Gary) knows who Nigella is instantly. But there’s a problem with the food. The kidneys are unappetizingly large in the steak and kidney pie. Nigella says this is what people think English food is. Uh-oh that was Nookie’s dish, the baseball guy. They apparently did a ploughman’s sandwich very nicely.

Nigella is disappointed that there is no sweet at the end. One Brit liked the service at the second place, but the food at the other. But Sai being so bad should count against them, shouldn’t it? Keven is bad mouthing the other people on his team to keep the emphasis off of him.

At the end, Curtis’s big job is counting the votes. They’re not really using Curtis and Cat for much, except for standing in front of the chefs saying a few words.

Curtis asks Nookie what he thought about his steak and kidney pie. He said he thought it was okay. Curtis tells him the diners disagreed.

OMG, I just realized that the Red Team is wearing red chef’s jackets and the Black Team is wearing (guess!) black. In my defense, I’ve been looking at the keyboard a lot…

Curtis asks the black team (THAT really was so clever to put them black jackets) if there was a leader. Everyone (except Keven) pipes up and says Chaz. The gals think he’s really funny. The guys find him annoying. (That would make me like him even more…just to get even with Keven. Look how dumb those words look together. )

Curtis asks who made the dessert and who came up with the idea. Keven said he made it and Chaz says it was HIS idea. Keven is mad and tells US that it was HIS idea. But at this point, Keven (I’m calling him Kee-ven) doesn’t know if CURTIS thought it was a good idea, so he’s not saying anything. I’m not paying close enough attention frankly to know what Curtis is thinking.

The winning team is the black team. I suppose we can expect to see more drama from Keven and Chaz. And Curtis reveals that the diners loved the bread pudding, which makes Kee-ven/Keven even madder that he didn’t say anything.

Oh wait, Cat gets a line too! She says they’re picking one chef who they felt made the biggest contribution to the winning team. And it’s…Chaz. Now he has immunity the next week.

The Red Team has to go back and choose a person to vote off. Nookie allows them to say bad stuff about his steak and kidney pie. But then he deflects the attention away from himself and towards Ace Of Cakes Lookalike Gal. Oh, her name is Clara. Nookie should have left Clara alone and targeted the other bad dish from this super quiet Asian chef. The diners didn’t like her black pudding hash. Why are they not putting the chef’s names under their faces? I only know Nookie, Chaz and now Clara.

They go back out and Curtis calls on each of the Red Team chefs to say who they’re voting off. Oy, it’s not even anonymous! Darn, it’ll probably be Nookie. It’s always the one I like and, of course, they showed him a lot.

Gary, the one who was good in the front of the house, chooses Nookie. The quiet Asian girl says Clara. OF COURSE, Clara will say Nookie and Nookie will say Clara. I’m WRONG! Clara said Nicole. (Oh, THAT’S the name of the quiet Asian girl.) Oh goodie, so maybe Nookie will survive. Nookie does say Clara. And Jenna (who’s she?) says Clara.

Sooo Nookie’s little plan worked!!! He says (to us) his dish was the worst and yet Clara went home. Clara had had a little private moment with Nookie where she disclosed her anxiety to him. She feels that screwed her.

Chefs! Don’t be sharing your personal feelings with your competitors. Haven’t you ever watched Survivor? Even I know that and I only watched it a few times like 35 seasons ago…

WHY exactly is this show on the Food Network, aside from giving two of its stars incredibly limited face-time? It has almost nothing to do with cooking. Food is only a distant backdrop for the action, except for maybe the last ten minutes.

Cat says that their next stop is Lyon. If Paul Bocuse is on this weirdo show, then the universe really is askew.

Celebrate Mother's Day With Meaning

I hope your chocolate wishes and beautiful bouquet dreams come true.

I certainly love chocolates and flowers, but there’s also another way we can honor the mothers in our lives. We can give them a goat... 

or a cow or a flock of chickens through Heifer International! They put it beautifully: 

A charitable donation to Heifer provides a gift of livestock that helps moms in need around the world reach lives of dignity and self-reliance. Instead of just a Mother's Day card, gift basket or flowers for mom, donate a goat or give a tree to help end hunger in her name. Support mothers around the world this year.

The way it works is this. You choose the animal you want a community to have. You pick the country you wish to donate to, or you let Heifer international pick where the need is the greatest. They pool the individual gifts and give needy families or villages not only the livestock itself, but the training needed to care for the animals. 

None of the animals is used for meat. The cows are dairy cows. The llamas are raised for their fur and their ability to carry loads over difficult terrain. One dairy goat can produce several quarts of milk a day. And its milk can be used to make cheese, butter or yogurt, which can be sold for income. Plus the goat manure is good as fertilizer. 

Another wonderful aspect of Heifer International’s programs are that after the animals are bred, the families agree to donate one of the offspring to another family in need. So it really is a gift that keeps on giving. 

H loved his Father’s Day goat last year. He was just disappointed not to get any letters and pictures. But we know that the goat has better things to do than stay in touch.

50 Shades of Grey In Mark Bittman’s Pizza Recipe

A couple of weeks ago, the NY Times food section was devoted to pizza and there was a basic pizza dough recipe by Mark Bittman. I’m always in the market for a new one, so I took a look. At first I thought it was similar to a recipe I usually use, except there was no sugar - not even a 1/4 teaspoon to help the yeast along. But as I started to follow the recipe, more and more issues began to come up.

Bittman throws everything in the food processor, which is fine, but that includes the DRY yeast. In other words, he doesn’t proof his yeast, which is one of my guiding principles in dough-making.

The dough ingredients in the food processor

I ALWAYS proof my yeast. It doesn’t make sense to me to skip that step and risk wasting perfectly good flour and good olive oil (or GREAT olive oil, if you’re lucky enough to have it) on the chance that the yeast turns out to be flabby. 

No matter what the recipe says, I always measure out ½ cup of water, stir in ¼ teaspoon of sugar and then sprinkle the envelope of yeast over. I make sure each grain makes its way under the water. I leave it to sponge for 5 or 10 minutes, which gives me the peace of mind that so much else in life doesn’t! So WHY oh WHY doesn’t Mark Bittman proof his yeast?

I decided to cede control (for once) and do what Bittman says.

WAIT, sorry, the title of this post notwithstanding, this is NOT a closeted reference to anything other than cooking! Anyway, I closed my eyes and added the dry yeast, WITHOUT any proof of its viability, to the flour and salt in the processor.

Poor, uncared for yeast... 

Another concern I had was that there was no mention of water temperature. I decided to take a deep breath and try to be easy going about that too. I ran water straight from the tap into the measuring pitcher. I felt it. It was cool. I was about to pour it in and…I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I poured out THAT water and measured warm (to the touch) water to add to the flour mixture. Some things are just so ingrained…

Oh, there was ANOTHER thing about the yeast. The recipe says to use 1 teaspoon of yeast or 2 teaspoons if you want things to go a little faster. Why is this a problem? A packet of yeast contains 2 1/4 teaspoons and just what exactly are you supposed to do with the extra yeast? 

I know myself well enough to know that I am NOT going to bother to measure out a teaspoon or two and then carefully close up the packet to keep the extra yeast fresh. I'm just going to use the entire packet. And no matter what the recipe says, I figure that a packet will work just fine, since it has the 20 million other times I've used 1 packet of yeast to 3 cups of flour.

I processed the ingredients for 30 seconds as Bittman said.

THEN he adds yet another questionable step to the finished dough. He has us wrap the ball of dough in plastic wrap and tells us to let it rise THAT way. WHY?

 

Isn't wrapping it up tightly going to inhibit the freewheeling nature of the yeasty molecules, striving to be set free and puff up and out? After a lot of internal conflict, I followed that step too, as written.  

Letting the wrapped-up dough rise

Pizza dough after one hour of rising

The rest of the recipe posed no problems. (Of course, I was almost at the end.) I like that Bittman mentioned pre-baking the crust if you want more crunch. I almost never DON’T do that. I throw the pizza dough on my stove top grill, but baking it in a hot oven before you add the toppings would be okay too.

Dough punched down and ready to be rolled out

So at the end of the day, how was his pizza compared to the ones I usually make? Was there a huge difference? Do my picayune precise steps make a vastly superior pizza dough? 

Not really.

I wish I could say that Bittman’s dough ended up as flat as a pancake from the lack of testing the yeast. Or that the rising went badly because of the plastic wrapped ball of dough. But none of that happened. The dough was similar to what I usually make. Not better, but not in any way worse. So I guess I like his recipe just fine, but I can’t see myself being as freewheeling as Bittman and ditching the proofing step.

Unbaked Pizza with Fig Jam

Baked Pizza with Fig Jam

Unbaked Pizza with Tomato Sauce 

Baked Pizza with Tomato Sauce

I do realize that Bittman was writing the recipe in a kind of easy breezy way, so as not to intimidate his readers. He just wanted folks who normally don’t make pizza dough to see how easy it is. He wrote the recipe so they could just put everything in the food processor and get it done in 30 seconds.  I appreciate what he was trying to accomplish, but it’s just not in me to be so cavalier. I like shortcuts as much as the next person, but the particular one involving the yeast is far too extreme for me.

It’s amazing how many issues come up with a single recipe. I guess that shows just what a serious business cooking is...to me, at least. And it also shows that I, apparently, have a lot of rules in the kitchen. And when they’re tested or questioned, it makes me a squirm a little.

You know a few of them – always cook warm spices in the onions and oil BEFORE adding any liquid. Never add salt to beaten egg whites. In most cases, toast nuts before using…Stuff like that. And when it comes to yeast, I have a few “guidelines” from which I never stray like Bittman does...in the first two lines of his recipe.  

Change is good, I guess, but there has to be a good reason for it. And I have no clue what the reason is for not paying adequate attention to the poor little yeast before it meets its pizza dough accomplices.