Here And There

Remember when it looked like I was lying (I prefer thinking of it as being "misinformed”) and said Nightline was doing a story on the Iron Chef last Friday? Well, nice of them to tell me, but it was on THIS Thursday - last night.

You really didn’t miss anything, though. The Nightline correspondent, dressed rather inappropriately, I felt, in a bright summer party dress, walked around the set with Alton.

His only anti-fan comment (I'm recalling when I reported that someone else reported, probably 5th hand, that he dissed his overweight fans, supposedly out of their hearing, but not really…) was laughing haughtily at the idea that members of the Iron Chef audience thought they would be fed. (Hmmm, I guess that’s all part of his anti-fat bias.)

They showed the “smoke” from the dry ice that was pumped into the kitchen continuously; we saw the ingredient set-up that each chef works from - “a small grocery store” was how Alton described it; we met the tiny and indomitable Cat Cora; Michael Symon said hi. I like him. He said Iron Chef is no different from what chefs do in a restaurant every night. Yeah, but you don’t have that annoying guy in a suit narrating your every move.

The most interesting thing we learned (but I think we knew this anyway) was that the chefs are given IN ADVANCE three possibilities for the secret ingredient.

The story on the Nightline website is the exact story that was there last week. At least they didn’t change the date. Whatever…But don’t promo something, not have it on, put it your website as if it had been on and then show it a week later as if it were a new story. Harrumph!

***

I’m sure you’ve heard the news of RR’s new venture – DOG (and cat) Food. The GOOD news is that parts of the proceeds are going to the animal welfare arm of her empire.

The BAD news is the name – NUTRISH – I guess a variation of Delish…
GMAB. Even my exterminator (don’t ask, but I will not have ants running around the radon canisters planted all over my granite) thought that was a bit much.



Animals need all the help they can get, but I’m surprised RR wasn’t worried about the inevitable comparison of Nutrish to her REGULAR food. One can only hope the animals got the better deal.

***

Poor Tom Colicchio had a real waste of a morning on the Today Show this morning. I caught him in the middle of being forced to compete with the constantly interrupting Kathee Lee Gifford - Kathie Lie Gifford? or however she spells it. The other, much more muted, women of Today - Meredith, Hoda and Natalie – were also there.

They were tasting three dishes for some contest or other. Several of them had various food issues – no watermelon, no raw fish – not exactly the perfect panel for judging. They tasted the dishes (or whatever part of them they could stomach - Kathie Lee spit one out) and came up with a winner after a quick huddle.

Poor Tom stood 3 feet away, looking completely beaten down by stupidity of this segment. Then he said he’d be back in December. I guess he meant with the next season of Top Chef. This winning segment isn’t on the website yet…(the show is still on) I’ll include it later…

Postscript:

I finally found the video of this segment. The three dishes were made by 3 Top Chef contestants of the season currently filming in New York. Their challenge was to make a dish to be demonstrated on the Today Show. Tom claimed the judges couldn't decide on a winner and needed the Today Show crew to help. (Yeah, right!) The winner will appear on the Today Show to demonstrate the recipe deep into the next Top Chef season.

Top Chef – And The Winner Is…

What’s going on here? I’m not supposed to be watching this. Oh, who am I fooling? I can’t help myself…

We have to relive Antonia’s leaving and Lisa’s hissy fit at her fellow chefs for not congratulating her. Everything bad anyone has ever said about Lisa is true.

Richard says he can’t believe that Lisa is still here. HELLO!!! You don’t need to tell that to us Dale-lovers, who can’t believe it either. THAT was such a mistake and it’s getting me all riled up all over again.

They seem cordial at the beginning. Richard gives us the new-house-wife-baby-on-the-way story as to why he has to win. No one told you told you to go buy a new house, Rich…Sorry, I’m just being ornery. Why don’t I watch the last 5 minutes and then post 30 seconds after the show is over? Oh, but what fun would that be?

Tom and Padma are there with 3 other chefs – April Bloomfield from The Spotted Pig, Dan Barber from New York’s Blue Hill, and Le Bernadin’s chef/owner, Eric Ripert.

Their challenge is to create a four course meal, starting with fish, going to poultry, red meat and “Yes, you do need to do a dessert.” Why did Tom say that? Was there some finalist who blew off dessert in a previous season?

Sorry to get off topic, but why does Tom look scruffy? This is the finale, for goodness sake! I like him all smooth and shiny, not rough and scruffy. You don’t see Padma at the finale with hairs in unusual places. Double standard!

Stephanie is surprised at the dessert requirement. Get over it. Dale wouldn’t have complained. Oh, alright, we all know that Dale would have complained at every little thing, including the angle of Tom’s soul patch (I didn’t like it on Michael and I don’t like it on him).

Eric, Dan and April are going to be their sous chefs! Wow!!! Did they do that in previous seasons? That is awesome. Can you imagine having Eric Ripert work for YOU??? That is way cool.

The REAL chefs each have different proteins for the contestants to work with.

Eric has, among other things, clams, sea urchins, hamachi, caviar, bacon and lamb. Dan’s haul includes scallops, squid, abalone, guinea hen, venison and foie gras. April has organic chicken, jumbo shrimp, lump crab and Wagyu steak.

They WERE going to let the chef with the most elimination wins pick first, but Richard and Stephanie are tied, so they pick a number from a knife block. Richard lets Stephanie go first and she pulls number one. She’s gotta pick Eric or she’s crazy…OF COURSE, she picks Chef Ripert.

I’m thinking Lisa’s going to end up with April’s swag; the others have more selection. OF COURSE, Richard takes Dan and Lisa is left with April. Lisa says she’s happy about working with the one woman. Sorry to repeat myself, but Tom does not look good.

Their final task is to prepare a black tie dinner for 9 diners. They only have 7 hours to prepare – 3 today and 4 tomorrow. I guess that should be ok, since they each have a rather qualified sous chef.

Lisa is amazingly relaxed. She’s decided on an Asian menu, and, even though April has no experience with that, she’s really happy to work with her.

Richard admits he doesn’t really know what he’s doing and he’s hoping for a strike of inspiration. (Isn’t that usually when it’s LEAST likely to hit?)

Richard is SO not winning. I’m thinking that something will go wrong with Stephanie’s meal and Lisa will win by default. Of course, Stephanie SHOULD win, but it REALLY should have been Dale…so I’m going to take the dark horse at this very early hour and say it’s…LISA. Boy, do I hope I’m wrong.

Oh, this is funny, Eric is asking Stephanie something in his VERY, VERY, VERY heavy Frennnnncccsssshhh accent. What if she misunderstands him? He might say shall I skim the duck? (for example) and he’s really said SKIN the duck. This should be good. Wait a sec, I have to put the closed captioning on, I can’t understand a word he’s saying.

Stephanie checks to make sure he’s really getting ALL the skin off the fish and she says (we don’t see it) that he got a little huffy.

April and Lisa look like they’re working the best together. I’m telling you that Lisa could pull it out in the end. (Not that I want her to.) We see much cooking going on, but without knowing what they’re making, it’s kind of pointless.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Richard almost barks, “Raw oyster, lemon juice, hot sauce and cream”. And we learn that liquid nitrogen was his special request item. I guess he’s going to liquid nitrogen the ingredients and make a frozen foamed version of a classic appetizer. He’s proud of himself for being one of the few people that can use it. Eric and April are fascinated by his freezing stuff into pearls. (Don’t they ever watch Top Chef? He’s been doing it all season.) Richard is really impressed that he showed Eric something he’s never seen.

Stephanie states that she and Eric are all business and getting stuff done, but that Lisa and April are chitchatting a lot. She sounds jealous…I’m telling you this could go against Stephanie.

At the end of prep time, Richard still has no clear idea of what he’s going to do. That can’t be good. Stephanie has a bit of a laissez faire attitude, but not in a good relaxed way, in a way that says she might be giving up.

The next day, Tom greets them in the kitchen and tells them they won’t be working with the sous chefs today. Well, honestly, who told them they would be? But if those chefs are the judges, won’t they be rooting for the person they were helping? Stephanie looks a bit panicked. Lisa is taking it in stride. I don’t have confidence that Richard will actually have any finished dishes at all. (You know these jerks really dragged me back in, I’m supposed to be watching in a relaxed fashion, cocktail or bowl of cereal in hand…)

Lisa is kind of funny. She says her menu is going to reflect her personality. How is she going to make food taste bitchy? But actually she is accurate…her food is going to be in-your-face, sour, salty, big and bold flavors. Interesting. Please don’t hate me, but she is kind of growing on me.

Stephanie mentions again that she’s not happy she has to make dessert. Tom comes in and basically annoys Richard and Stephanie. Lisa couldn’t be more la-di-dah, everything is under control, it’s all good. Either she’s going to completely blow the other two out of the water, or they’ve edited this to make us think that.

Tom notes the reactions of the 3 chefs with surprise. Richard is nervous. Lisa is fine and Stephanie is concerned about a dessert that she’s only made once before. He’s definitely warning us that that dish could be the one that loses it for Stephanie. Even Lisa tells her to have confidence in herself.

Lisa’s Menu
Grilled Prawns with Chili Basil Sauce & Crab, Homemade Potato Chips
Tom Kha Gai Soup & Dumplings
Wagyu Beef With Chayote & Cucumber Salad, Hot Sauce & Garlic Chips
Black Thai Rice Pudding With Lime & Mango Crème, Taro & Coconut

Richard’s Menu
Scallop with Mango & Pineapple Vinegar
Guinea Hen, Chicken Egg, Foie Gras & Spring Vegetables
Pickled Radishes, Mirin Broth & Pork Belly
Banana “Scallop” & Bacon Ice Cream

Hasn’t he made the banana thing before and aren’t the judges going to wish he never made that atrocious sounding ice cream? Just because he’s technically capable of freezing everything in sight, doesn’t mean he should. He ends up only freezing the ice cream and not anything else. Probably a good decision.

Stephanie’s Menu
Red Snapper, Truffled Clam & Asparagus Broth, Asparagus Salad
Quail Breast Over Lobster Ravioli With Mango Lobster Sauce & Quail Egg
Lamb Medallions With Maitake Mushrooms, Braised Pistachios, Blackberry & Olive Tapenade
Ricotta Poundcake With Tropical Fruit & Banana Crème

The dining room fills up with bedecked guests. We hear a voiceover of Richard puffing himself up - he’s the best chef, blah, blah, blah.

Padma toasts. Those fancy sous chefs ARE sitting at the table. They discuss sous chef-ing. Eric liked it because he just had to do what he was told. Dan was nervous throughout and April said it was “humbling”, because she had to make sure she was doing it Lisa’s way.

Padma introduces the judges to the 3 competing chefs: Chef Alfredo Ayala from Delirio in Puerto Rico (great story here); Tim Zagat (he should be good); Gail, Ted and Tom, with patches of hair growing in different places.

Reactions to Richard’s first course - Dan doesn’t recognize anything he helped Richard with. April: "The sweetness of the mango is delicious." Tim wants it simplified.

Reactions to Lisa’s first course - April likes the texture of the prawns with the potato chip and the red chili sauce. Alfredo:”The chili sauce from Lisa is too strong.” Uh-oh. I might have read the entire situation wrong. Tim: “The heat almost takes me back to China.” Is that bad or good?

Reactions to Stephanie’s first course - Ted: “Very elegant.” Eric: “Zee truffle oil has been infusing overnight in the broth…Very delicate.” Tom, almost yelling: “Yes, it is.” Alfredo proclaims it the best of the three. Tom: “It was good. It was almost REALLY good.”

Reactions to Richard’s 2nd course - Eric: “I like the complexity of the dish. The earthiness of it. But (oh, here it comes…) it’s hard to make a distinction between the ingredients.” WAIT A SEC. He got ripped another time for putting each ingredient in a separate blob. Someone said it was more like a project than a meal. Now he’s got them together and he still can’t win. Tom: “This is him falling in love with the technique.” Eric: “YES!” April likes it.

Reactions to Lisa’s 2nd course - Gail: “Lisa’s soup was absolutely delicious.” April: “I like the lemongrass. I like the creaminess.” Tim: ”Very good. I would have been happy to have seconds.”

Reactions to Stephanie’s 2nd course – Eric: “I like very much the seasoning of the quail.” Ted wishes the sauce had more lobster essence. Alfredo: “Very delicate.” Tom: “No one had an issue with these leeks?”

Richard says his 3rd course is super simple. Does that mean that the judges will think it’s elementary?

Reactions to Richard’s 3rd course – Eric: “I’m surprised by Richard. He doesn’t season the food.” I promise you he is not winning. But then Eric says. “I love the radish. It’s borderline genius.” Alfredo, not happy: “The broth is very underseasoned.”

Reactions to Lisa’s 3rd course - April: “The beef flavor is nice, but it’s not tender.” Oh, for crying out loud. They are trying to confuse us. They like this...they don’t like that. WHAT are we supposed to think? No one likes Lisa’s sauce. They like her salad.

Reactions to Stephanie’s 3rd course – There is general agreement that the addition of BRAISED pistachios was a revelation, as was the green olives. Maybe she will pull it out after all. Oh, wait there’s still that cake that she wasn’t happy with. Eric says this is the first dish where they’ve said “I love”. Tom proclaims Stephanie’s dish the winner of that round.

Reactions to Lisa’s dessert – Gail says, somewhat unpleasantly, as she tastes Lisa’s dish, “What’s her chip issue?” Tom explains kindly that it’s an Asian thing. Dan: “It’s a minor critique in what I think is just a really exciting dessert.” Tim says (again) that he could eat more.

Reactions to Richard’s dessert – Dan: "It works."

Reactions to Stephanie’s dessert: Tim: “Okay, but nothing special.” Eric: “It’s a little bit unrefined and slightly heavy.”

Tom wraps up the whole season. Richard is the intellectual, Lisa is true to herself and Stephanie has a homey spin on things. He points out their very strong contrast of styles and flavors.

If I had to say it now, before they talk to the kids…I guess I would have to say it’s going to be Stephanie, but if she comes off as lackluster and Lisa is super-confident, who knows? I just know I’m ready for a snack. Em, where are those fluffernutter cupcakes when I need them?

The four regulars take their places at the judges' table. Tom says that he thinks they delivered exactly what we expected of them. THAT must mean they’re going to choose Stephanie. I take back everything I said (after my previous taking-back of everything I said); it’s got to be Stephanie. They don’t want some unpleasant (however reformed this week) person promoting their brand…

They rehash the menu. It is clear they thought Richard’s first course was too bland, especially since he said he likes to have strong flavors at the beginning. Try some salt and pepper next time, buddy. Lisa was smart and said she meant to make the first course really spicy. Tom bought it. They loved the delicacy of Stephanie’s dish.

Richard seems completely confused by every criticism. When you don’t like his dish, it’s because he (and it) are too smart for you. Pish tosh to that!

EVERYBODY loved Lisa’s soup. Stephanie seems unsure in general. Tom gets a bit heated as he tells her the leeks weren’t cooked. She thought they were.

Uh-oh, here we go again, Richard is snotty as he tells Ted that he wasn’t going to lose the integrity of the meat just to get a bit of crispiness on it. Well, maybe he didn’t lose his integrity, but he’s sure going to lose Top Chef.

No one liked Lisa’s next dish. Ted said Stephanie’s braised pistachios was one of the most creative things all night. Tom said that’s why you should keep an open mind when eating. Okay, they LOVED that dish, we get it, but they hated her dessert.

Richard actually admits that he choked. Go me! So it HAS to be Stephanie. Right? Richard looks like he’s going to throw up.

The chefs leave and the judges go through the courses…I think it COULD go to Lisa. But will it?

Oh, come on! The poll they were running during the whole show said that 60% of viewers chose Stephanie for the win, 36% were for Richard and only 4% voted for Lisa. Let’s be fair. Based on tonight’s meal, it was definitely between Stephanie and Lisa. If they are going to take the totality of their efforts into account, then Lisa should never have made it into the final at all. However, based on that one meal, I think the two women were close.

Without further ado…OMG, Padma has to get a plug in for Glad. Tom keeps saying what a difficult decision it was and how they based it on which meal they’d like to have again. Doesn’t that mean it has to be Lisa? IT IS…STEPHANIE. She pretends to be surprised. She’s so low key that she might have won a coupon to Subway. Richard says losing at the last second really sucks. But he didn’t lose at the last second. He lost the entire day before, with his inability to focus.

They bring out all the contestants. Dale is commiserating with Richard. I have to say this was bit anti-climactic. There’s really nothing to be PO’ed about...except that you-know-who wasn’t in the final…which, obviously, he would have won.

Top Chef - Restaurant Wars Showdown

Let’s fast forward through the Quickfire Challenge, where the 6 contestants have to cook eggs in a greasy spoon for the early morning breakfast rush. The only thing notable about this challenge was Tom entering the Top Chef house before 6 am(!!!), while the chefs are all sleeping. That was a bit weird. I guess he had to get some face time, because he was off at a “charity event” and wasn’t going to be judging the Elimination Challenge this week.

The Quickfire ends with Dale and Antonia as the best two. Antonia is pronounced the overall winner at mastering the art of fast egg cooking.

The chefs are directed to a big empty space and Padma tells them it’s…Restaurant Wars! Because Antonia is the winner, she gets to pick two other chefs for her team. She chooses Stephanie and Richard. Uh-oh, that leaves Dale with Lisa. I don’t like that, but I guess it makes for drama.

The menus are decided and after what looks like an all too quick trip to Whole Foods for $1500 in groceries and Pier One for $5000 for dishes and décor, they begin to cook.

During the prep time, Tony strides into the kitchen, saying he’ll be replacing Tom this week and “bringing his warmer, sunnier disposition to the challenge.” He wanders around asking each team what they’re doing.

Let’s cut to the chase. The restaurant is open. They get started. The judges enter and Padma introduces guest judge Chef José Andrés. Oh, I like him.

Antonia, Stephanie and Richard (Mr. Ras el Hanout)
Gastropub:
1st Course
Beet Salad with Goat Cheese & Ras el Hanout Spices (again!!!)
Linguine & Clams with Sausage & Horseradish Crème Fraiche

Tony tasting the pasta: “This is better than what I would expect.” José: “I love the texture of the linguine. Stephanie pipes in “I made the pasta myself.” Ted says the Goat Cheese Salad (or is he just talking about the goat cheese?) is really delicious.

2nd Course
Trout with Cauliflower
Lamb Loin & Braised Lamb Shank

Ted: “This is a nice presentation.” Tony: “I was thinking exactly the same thing.”

Whoa, slow down a second, guys…EVERYTHING can’t really have been so good thus far. It’s obvious that this team will be the winning team and that Dale’s team will have some failed dishes.

Okay, this is my prediction: the two losers will be Dale and Lisa and LISA will be going home, because if they send Dale home, I ain’t watching this show anymore, because there is no one else I want to win.

I mean it. I WILL hold a grudge. I will be unreasonable and mean and I’ll spend my Top Chef evenings watching House Hunters instead. Where was I?

Tony repeats how much he loves the lamb. José is really impressed by the level of cooking and Padma says “We’re not joking around here on Top Chef.”

It is so evident that all this praise is just a set-up for how disappointing the other team’s menu will be. I almost don’t want to watch it…AND I bet something horrible will go wrong with Spike’s décor, like a giant mirror will fall off a wall or something…I SWEAR I’m writing this as I’m watching, so if that really does happen, I am absolutely psychic…

3rd Course
Gorgonzola Cheesecake with Sweet Potato Puree & Concord Grape Sauce (Gag me!)
Banana “Scallops” with Banana Guacamole & Chocolate ice Cream

The desserts didn’t go over QUITE as well, but they liked their innovativeness and, luckily for them, the judges didn’t actually hate anything.

Dale, Lisa and Spike
Mai Buddha

1st Course
Spicy Coconut Shrimp Laksa…Padma: OOH, isn’t that beautiful?
Pork & Pickled Plum Pot Stickers

Tony on the laksa: “It was just too damn smoky,” WHICH IS EXACTLY what Dale said back in the kitchen. Padma adores the dumplings. Ted loves the char on them.

2nd Course
Braised Short Ribs with Pickled Red Cabbage & Apple Basil Salad
Padma: “I love a short rib.”
Butterscotch Miso Scallops, Spicy Eggplant & Pickled Long Beans

Tony: “It’s like Willy Wonka scallops.” Padma in horror: “No, really?” A random diner says she has no idea what she’s eating...probably not a good sign. Equally, it’s not a good sign when Lisa says Dale isn’t happy with his food choices and ultimately the executive chef is responsible for the food. That can’t bode well. Lisa, it better be you or I’m out of here…

3rd Course
Halo-Halo with Cantaloupe, Coconut, Kiwi, Avocado & Candied Nuts
Mango Sticky Rice with Toasted Coconut

Tony's take on the Sticky Rice dish: “It’s baby vomit with wood chips.” He was “okay” with the halo-halo, although he didn’t “particularly love it”. José did. Random diners HATED the sticky rice dessert.

Spike’s take on his teammates’ performances: “Poor,” which also means he thought HIS wasn’t.

Needless to say Antonia’s team won. Tony: “I was really impressed by all of your comportment.” Why do I think he would have behaved more like Dale in the kitchen, who everyone is down on for acting temperamental when things don’t go right? Isn’t that the definition of a chef?

The winner is Stephanie. She wins a culinary tour to Barcelona and a guided wine tasting tour for two.

The other team goes in to face the judges. I’ve just noticed that Dale is wearing shorts and hideous blue shoes. Are they crocs? I can’t quite see…Remember it better be Lisa!

Tony: ”ALL of us were unanimous in finding some very unpleasant aspects to this meal.” Well, TONY, I find your face unpleasant! Especially, if you even think of sending my Dale home!

I don’t get his critique about the napkins. He asks who came up with the color. No one takes responsibility. He says that the décor “announced itself as a place where a greasy dumpling would be unforgivable.” Was Tony saying that the décor was SO elegant and well done that he expected the food to follow suit? It sure didn’t sound that way…

Then the judges go off on the author of the butterscotch scallop dish - Dale. (Frankly, I’ll take butterscotch any way I can get it, especially if cute Dale is dishing it out.) José said nothing worked in the dish. Padma said it was way too sweet. “Hearing the words butterscotch and scallops together in the first place was very worrying to me,” says Tony. “It looked like a melted candy bar.”

Tony goes on to rip the laksa and says it was like “putting (his) face in front of a campfire”. Dale actually points to Lisa just as she actually takes full responsibility for the dish.

Could it be that Dale IS a little bitch as Spike (was it?) always calls him? Never mind, Lisa’s a bigger one. They go on to criticize basically everything about Dale and Lisa and their nitpicking over whose responsibility everything was. SHE really is a tattle tale, but I’m getting an uneasy feeling that as the executive chef of this challenge, HE’S going to take the fall.

But CLEARLY, he is the better cook. He’s won more challenges including being in the top two in this very episode’s Quickfire. Dale, you better stay, buddy…José doesn’t like the lack of teamwork that they’re showing, but what are you supposed to do when you don’t want to take the fall for someone else’s mistakes?

Oh good, José opines (correctly) that because Spike was in the front of the house, he considers himself away from all the trouble in the kitchen and above it all. And he was fortunate that nothing falls off the wall.

Dale makes the point that you’re only as good as your weakest link. Lisa comes back with you’re only as good as your leader. I agree with Dale. Byuh bye Lisa. They leave to let the judges deliberate.

The judges agree that Spike was smart to stay out of it and that he did his job ok. They agree that Dale fell down as a conceptualizer, executor and something else or other. BUT the judges agree that Lisa “botched” both of the dishes she made – sticky rice and the laksa and that she’s really bad at taking criticism. Are they are picking Lisa….or not?

OOH, Lisa and Dale are still having it out. Dale isn’t that nice, but he’s still a better cook than she is.

The three chefs go back in, Dale looks mad; Lisa looks belligerent and Spike looks a little too self satisfied.

WHAT?!! DALE is sent home. That really, really, really, really stinks. He’s okay with the whole thing. He actually breaks up talking about it.

Dale being sent home is a huge mistake. A HUGE mistake. A huge MISTAKE!!! I’m done… Without Dale, I don’t care who wins…I wouldn’t even have minded if Richard had beaten him in the final two, but the remaining chefs are of no interest. Top Chef is dead to me.

Top Chef Turns Into Top Gun With Knives Blazing

Plus Another Gunn Could Really Help Things

Top Chef - The Elements Of Style

Push ups and knife sharpening are going on. Zoi is mad that she got "jacked” in the last challenge. Ryan notes that 2 guys and 2 girls have gone home.

Quick fire challenge with Ming Tsai as guest judge. He’s testing their sense of taste. He says a chef’s palate is a powerful weapon in his/her arsenal. The chefs get pairs of items to taste - one is high end, one is not. 20 seconds to tell.

Ryan first - Maple syrup that’s easy. He gets it right. Bacon correct
Stephanie - Crab wrong.
Dale - Chocolate correct
Stephanie - aged cheese correct.
Dale - Asian ingredients right…caviar wrong.
Richard - correct.
Spike - wrong.
Kinda confusing the way they did it.

The loser is Stephanie. She only got 6 out of 15.
Tying for runner-up are Ryan and Jen with 11 correct out of 15.
Top place goes to Antonia with 12 out of 15.

The Elimination Challenge is cooking for a Meals on Wheels celebrity ball. They have to create, in teams, a first course for 80 people. Ming says to keep it simple and execute it perfectly.

Each team represents one element - Earth, Water and Air.
They draw knives to determine teams and have 15 minutes to plan their menus.

Team Water - Richard, Mark, Andrew
Richard says 15 minutes is not enough time and he seems to be taking control, which may not be such a bad idea.

Team Air – Jen, Ryan, Nikki
Jen says air is birds. That’s just dumb. It has to say AIR, people!

Plus, Top Chef folks, PLEASE give us the names of the chefs everytime they appear. I don’t who they are. They all look alike. Why can’t they have their names tattooed on their foreheads?

Team Earth – Antonia, Spike, Zoi
Antonia is completely against Spike’s and Zoi’s idea of squash soup. She says it has to be higher end. Spike and Zoi go along somewhat reluctantly. They finally decide that carpaccio is much more elegant.

Why couldn’t they do little pots of a really great soup, with some amazing garniture, that would add the elegant element they are looking for? And as long as they put white chocolate somewhere, they would be fine.

Team Fire – Dale, Lisa, and no clue what her name is

Dale’s my boy! He likes the idea of a seared beef tartare (Is it beef TARTARE then, if it’s seared?) He’s working with 2 gals…One is Lisa, the other? NAMES, Please! Lisa puts the kibosh on tartare.

Dale wants to wrap the beef around tuna or maybe an egg. He doesn’t want to take the fire element so literally. Oh I get it. Fire=Devil=Devilled eggs.

Nah, Dale, don’t do it. What if the judges don’t think it was technically challenging enough? But the other nameless gal/chef likes the idea. Dale is getting fed up with Lisa, because she’s too negative.

Lisa says the egg idea is weak and she doesn’t think it’s enough as a first course. Obviously, this episode has been edited with this exchange getting a lot of time.

What could it mean? Dale and Lisa will have a humongous fight? Dale and Lisa will make passionate love on the kitchen floor in front of Padma, Tom and Ming. (Oh wait, is Lisa part of the gay couple?) Or maybe Lisa and Padma will…or Dale and Ming…I just don’t know.

No, what will happen is that either Dale will be the hero, because of his genius idea or he’ll be the goat, because the judges will agree with every word Lisa says.

Care to place a wager? I say……I don’t know!!!! To be honest, I think they’ll hate it, but Dale won’t go home. Maybe the third one will, whose name they refuse to show, because she just went along with everything OR Lisa will go home, because her opinion didn’t prevail. Okay that’s what I think. I’m taking a stand. They’ll hate the dish and Lisa will go home.

On to the supermarket (Whole Foods), they go. Richard likes his idea of fish cooked in water. He’s directing the whole thing. Richard tells us he’s going to poach it in a controlled water bath. What makes it controlled, I wonder? If he adds a hydrocolloid, I’ll have to smack him.

Team Air – Ryan says to go with duck: Air…Seared…Cold….Huh? I don’t think their theme is going to go very far.

Dale is proud of his concept and thinks the judges will like that it’s been thought out so carefully. Lisa obviously hasn’t signed on, because she says to the camera that it’s really stressful to go shopping without a clear idea of what they’re doing. Oy!

Dale wants to get a beef tenderloin and rub it with “crazy hot spices”. Lisa likes the idea, but thinks they should implement it differently, which basically means she DOESN’T like the idea. She thinks they should go strictly Asian. Asian Dale, says he doesn’t want to go Asian. Lisa thinks it would be a good idea for guest chef Ming Tsai. Stephanie is their teammate, by the way. They finally identified her.

Spike is worried that carpaccio and salad isn’t enough. NO, says Antonia, we’re going KU-AHL-IH-TEE. Huh? Oh, quality, she’s trying to say. For a minute I thought she was saying Koala. Spike says he’s not enjoying this. He’s suspicious because Antonia has immunity and it doesn’t matter to her what they cook….Dumdum dumdum. He could be right…

Okay let’s move this along…Spike is getting annoyed. Zoi can’t make a decision. She likes BOTH carpacchio and butternut squash soup. Spike wonders if they go together. Ok, Spike, that’s an easy one…NO!

They’re at the fish counter getting fish for carpacchio and Dale’s team sees they’re doing the same thing. His team walks away and Lisa says she’s just not comfortable with their idea. Uh-oh. You gotta go with something and then stick with it! Suddenly Stephanie wants to do spicy grilled shrimp. They stop and talk about the dish and, yay, finally they’re all on board.

Meanwhile, there are actually some other teams in the challenge this week too. People are grabbing their last ingredients. Richard’s team likes their fish in water concept. Of course, he will execute it beautifully, I’m sure, but it doesn’t really grab me.

They’re cooking in the old Marshall Fields kitchen, it’s huge. They have 2 ½ hours.

Team Earth gets to work, so does Team Water. OH, I see where Richard is going now. He’s cooking his fish sous vide. Of course he is…(But I sure hope no one is poisoned. Read this.)

Mark is doing a parsnip vanilla purée. (Of course, all my dedicated readers remember the potato purée that H had in Paris last year. It had vanilla and was served with scallops.)

Richard says his role is basically executive chef as he cuts the fish into portions and carries on with his sous-viding. He is a little pompous, but he is definitely leading this group.

Team Fire’s Stephanie dealing with the shrimp. Dale is putting together a really gorgeous chili salad and Lisa is taking entirely too long to explain how she’s cooking her bacon with the fat all facing the same way and she’s going to put something sticky on it. That was the gist of it… yada, yada, yada…

The Air folks (WHY didn’t they air pop popcorn….I just thought of that!) have a harder time. I haven’t heard anything that indicates that their dish has any air elements in it. Isn’t there something you can do with duck breasts and a hair dryer? Or is that just a kinky scene I remember from a Saturday night of my youth?

Dale explains how negative Lisa always is. She keeps ranting at people. Ooh, girl, you gotta stay cool…Lisa is unhappy with her bacon. It’s too thick. Maybe if she had talked about it a little less and done more, she wouldn’t have had a problem.

Nikki comments on Ryan being frazzled. He uses all the pomegranate juice for one thing and doesn’t save any for the Pomerini. THAT could be problem…sort of like a Bellini without the champagne. They decide to juice something…I can’t tell what, but it’s all under control.

Tom strolls into the kitchen. His visits serve absolutely no purpose other than to disturb the chefs. At least when Tim interrupts the contestants, he has something to contribute. Tom just wants to see how much they’re messing up.

There is something really sexy, though, about Tom’s confidence. Has he ever been unsure about ANYTHING? (You know what they say about bald men? It’s the same thing they say about men with big feet…as in, what does it mean if a man has big feet…it means ahem, ahem that he has really big…
shoes.)

Tom asks Spike how he likes working with Antonia and Zoi. He says, very smartly, it’s been a pleasure. I want him to ask Dale and Stephanie about that witch Lisa. Richard is kind of a blowhard with Tom, making him guess what they’re doing to the fish.

Tom, talking to the camera, says the Air Team doesn’t seem to have an idea of where they’re going with the dish. YES, Tom, right! Have I said lately, how smart I think Tom is and how I think his kitchen walk-throughs always add something valuable to the competition. (I’m more of a suck up than Richard.) Tom is worried that Dale’s team dish will be too spicy.

As for Richard…TC's not impressed by his cockiness and he says THAT’S when mistakes happen. Hmmm. Another clue to the future, perhaps?

The Ball starts. The teams have to plate 80 servings quickly. Team Water finds scales in its fish. That can't be good.

The servers come into the kitchen looking like undertakers ready to roll the casket out.

Here are the dishes and comments:

Team Water
Poached Salmon (Remember sous vide!) with faux caviar, parsnip purée and watercress salad.
The judges like the fake caviar, noting that that had been done before. Andrew was worried about the scales left on the fish. He should have been…

As far as the forward thinking sous vide technique, Tom said “some things aren’t good sous vide and salmon’s one of them”. That’s bad, really bad.

Team Fire
Grilled Shrimp with pickled chili salad, deviled aioli and miso smoked bacon
Padma: “The shrimp is amazing”. Ming agrees.

GO Dale’s team! Can I pick them or not?!! Oh, wait, I said the judges would hate this dish...Never mind.

In my defense, though, how could I know that the dish would come together so well? And that the flawless Richard would stumble so badly? Tom did note that the dish was spicy, but the others said not TOO spicy. Other random diners liked it too, even with its hotness.

Team Air
Duck breast with citrus salad and pomegranate prosecco apéritif.

Nikki blah blah blahs about how their dish is a “quality product”. Why is that so unusual? Shouldn’t the dishes ALWAYS be made with quality ingredients? She loved it all, except for the apéritif….Shows what she knows.

Gail didn’t like that they didn’t render the fat on the duck breast. Ming couldn’t believe that they didn’t score the breast. Tom (he gets grumpier with every show) “is not a big fan” of little drinks that accompany dishes. Ming likes them. I was sure I was going to find a little drink of some kind on Ming’s restaurant’s menu, but I didn’t.

Team Earth
Beef carpaccio with mushroom salad and sunchoke aioli

Antonia says, slightly hesitatingly, that she liked the dish…okay. The judges did not agree. They didn’t like the rosemary. Ming said “just throw some salt on that meat, guys” and Tom: “Absolutely bland.” The diners also hated the dish.

They judges wrap it up. They LOVED the shrimp dish. Ming said the scales ruined the salmon. Tom didn’t get the duck dish. The salad and mushrooms bothered Tom the most, because it had no seasoning at all, which he said was cooking 101.

NOW Lisa is really happy about their dish. She certainly didn’t act that way while she was moaning the entire time they were cooking.

Richard is happy with his concept, not the execution. He’s trying to decide what he will say to defend himself.

Fire team gets called in. Winners!!! Who can call it?!! (Obviously, not I.) But I did say I loved Dale…even if I basically got the rest of it a little wrong…ok, entirely wrong.

But WAIT, this is rich! LISA, the difficult, pain to be around chef is named the winner AND she wins a trip for 2 to Italy, because Ming particularly liked her miso bacon preparation.

Ok, this explains why focused on her so much this episode. Now we know that when one person is shown over and over again, that person is going to be the winner. (UNLESS, he or she is the loser.)

Dale looks appalled. “She made BACON?!! And she wins a trip to Italy?!! Are you kidding me?” I’m with you Dale and you should be bitter.

Earth and Water go in. The first question was who cooked the salmon. Richard answers a little too confidently that he thought it was cooked well. I’m waiting for Tom to say, “YEAH, if you didn’t care about the flavor, texture or scales.”

Gail asked “Were you the one that CLEANED the fish?” And Richard said, “In what regard?” IN WHAT REGARD???! What do you think that means, Dick (as in Richard)?

OMG, he is the perfect embodiment of not taking responsibility for a dish that misfired. He said he may have missed a FEW scales. Tom said there weren’t a FEW, there were A LOT!!! Tom didn’t like the parsnip in the dish, either. Mark doesn't defend it very well.

Over to the Earth team, Antonia said she thought the dish was great. Tom said it wasn’t seasoned at all. “The entire dish was bland.” Ming: “Every element needed seasoning.”

The judges chat amongst themselves. They have a hard time forgiving a dish that’s covered in scales, but the underseasoned bad effort from Team Earth is even worse. Tom wants to get rid of Zoi AND Spike. I think it’ll be Zoi…maybe…

Earth team is deemed the worst and Zoi is OUT.

The other strong-minded gals are appalled and unhappy. Jen is particularly unhappy. (Is she Mrs. Zoi? I think so.)

Spike yells at Antonia NOW. It’s a bit late. He blames her for Zoi losing. Stand behind your dish, A yells back. They all start screaming.

Dale yells at Lisa, saying Zoi isn’t the one who should have gone home and that all Lisa does is to complain and whine. Ooh, this is good. No one likes anyone. In next week’s episode, they will probably all stab each other in the back…literally this time. Dale is losing it. He’s right though, because Lisa is a jerk.

Next week: Dale tells Lisa that her constant negativity is wearing everyone down. This post is wearing ME down. I need some air, some water…but I could do without the earth part and the folks on that team.

Top Chef - From Wasabi And White Chocolate To Potstickers and Meryl Streep

I just saw last week’s episode quickly. Erik’s soggy corndogs did him in. Too bad.

During this week’s elimination challenge the remaining chefs are introduced to Daniel Boulud. Padma, in a rather snarky way, I thought, told them that if they didn’t know who their guest judge was, they might as well go home right now. I knew. (I’m such a show-off). Of course, they all knew of him. 2 of them (Richard and Ryan) had actually worked in his kitchen.

They had to make a vegetable plate in 30 minutes using 3 techniques that they thought would impress Daniel.

Not a good sign that Nikki didn’t know how to pronounce Quinoa. She said something like Queen El. Isn’t it “Keen-Wah”? Let’s hope she’s just going to cook it and not say it.

Oh wait, no, she was trying to say Quenelle and my closed captioning went wild with her pronunciation. Well, she didn’t say that right either. It’s Keh-Nell. (I’m insufferable.)

Manuel wants to do a supreme of lemon. HUH? I never heard the peeled and pithed flesh of a citrus fruit called that. See? I don’t know everything.

Spike hopes to impress with his scallion curler.

Here’s the run-down.
Zoi (when I see her name, I want to say ZOY) – Shaved asparagus, poached egg, batons of green beans, a chiffonade of radicchio and frisée. Daniel: “The chiffonade is well done.”

Dale – Daikon marinated in toabanian (?) - he may have said that was some kind of rice wine vinegar - and tournée of avocado and cucumber. He was aiming for a vegan sashimi platter. D: “Very impressed.”

Lisa - Poached egg, blanched asparagus, batonettes of bell peppers and grilled zucchini. Daniel is not happy. This is “back to basic”.

Richard – blanched mushrooms, pickled beets, sliced radishes with lime juice and scallions. Daniel: “It’s nice…the different tastes and textures.”

Spike – Carpaccio of cucumber, tagliatelle of asparagus, cucumber cup and tournée of mushroom. Daniel thought he showed his cutting skills.

Manuel – Blanched asparagus, brunois of yellow pepper, supremes of lemon and endive fennel frond. Let’s see if Daniel appreciates his supremes. Not exactly. He said his fennel frond was part of a pleasant composition, not a technique.

Nikki – Blanched green beans and asparagus quenelle, (this time she said Kweh-Nell), shaved fennel and radish salad. Daniel was unimpressed with her complete lack of seasoning on her grilled vegetables.

Here are the losers: Nikki, because her dish was not well thought out and Lisa and Manuel.

Favorites – Zoe with her perfect poached egg, Dale for his amazing knife skills (Go Dale!!! He’s my man and chef.) Richard, amazing presentation. Winner is DALE! YAY!!!

This week’s challenge is to prepare a movie-themed dish. They draw knives to see who they are partnered with and which course they’ll be making. Dale gets to work with any team he wishes. The special guest for the 12 person dinner they are catering is Richard Roeper.

I don’t think this is a horrible idea. It does provide a vehicle for some creativity. Forget the meal, for the moment, think of your top three favorite movies of all time. I’ll tell you mine at the end of the post…

Richard's nifty little electric smoker went bye bye as they were cooking.

Richard, Dale and Andrew - 1st course Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Smoked salmon with faux caviar and white chocolate wasabi sauce

Tom: “Surprisingly good”. Daniel: “All the combinations are so creative”. RR liked the explanation that went along with the dish.

Spike and Manuel 2nd course Good Morning, Vietnam.
Summer roll with black vermicelli, green apple, Chilean sea bass and Swiss chard.

They didn’t like the turd-like (my words) pile of Swiss chard in the corner of the plate. They thought the summer roll wrapping was tough. Uh-oh. Daniel didn’t like that they used fish. Ted thought with the inexpensiveness of the rest of the ingredients, they could have used lobster or crab.

Jen and Nikki 3rd Course Il Postino. Fresh tortellini with cavalo nero, ricotta, pecorino, squash and peppercorn.

Listen, anytime you include a Roman emperor in the name of a dish, I think that’s pretty impressive. Tom wasn't impressed: “It’s good, not great…It’s good.” Ted LOVES the rustic nature of the shape of the pasta. Richard also loves the rusticness of the dish and thinks the judges should give them a break. He thought it was wonderful. Better than just good. So there!

Mark and Ryan 4th course A Christmas Story. (Is this the movie they are talking about?) Quail breast with carrot purée, cranberry chutney and quail spring rolls.

Padma: “Really delicious”. Ted loved it. Richard liked that they took a specific scene of the movie and brought it into the dish. Aisha liked the carrot purée. Well, these guys must be the winners.

Antonia and Zoe 5th course Talk To Her. Rack of lamb with saffron cauliflower purée, romesco gramalata.

They kept talking about vibrant colors, which were not on the plates. Bad move. Tom and Daniel were disappointed.

Stephanie and Lisa 6th course Top Secret! NY strip steak, braised short rib and apple potstickers with caramel sauce.

They went around pouring the caramel sauce on and everyone thought that was going to be huge mistake. Me included. It turned out to balance the flavors wonderfully, and they all loved it. Daniel: “Very Asian, very well-seasoned.” Tom likes it.

The contestants were waiting to hear the results. I still don’t know half these people. They showed one of them and I was thinking…who is she? I’ve never seen her before.

Padma called in the Willy Wonka and Top Secret! teams. The judges found out it was Richard’s idea to add white chocolate to the wasabi.

Ted asked which hydrocolloid was used in the faux caviar. And he asked that with a straight face. What a frickin’ show-off! I really have to remember that. “Tell me, Ted, about the hydrocolloid that’s straight up your…...lamb shank.” I’m sorry…if someone knows the term hydrocolloid, then he would darn well know that it was tapioca pearls, in this case.

Oh, Lisa is the one I didn’t know who she was. The judges like every aspect of her dish. Daniel announces the winner - Richard. HEY! Didn’t Daniel say at the beginning that his former employees wouldn’t have an advantage?

The other chef contestants diss Richard’s dish and say that’s just not how they cook.

The teams, Good Morning Vietnam and Talk To Her are brought in. The gals explain the reason for the dish better now than at the dinner. The judges wish they had given such a good explanation before.

Tom gives Manual and Spike a really hard time. The judges hated the food, hated the explanation, and it was clear one of them was going home.

They couldn’t decide if Spike should go home because the dish was all his idea; or Manuel because it wasn’t. Spike refused to say that Manuel should go home, when the judges asked. I like that loyalty. In the end, they chose Manuel. I liked him. At least, I kinda knew his name. Ah well. Such is the heart break of Top Chef.

Okay, your top three movies?

Mine are
1) Day for Night, a François Truffaut movie, (La Nuit américaine in French) I loved it. It's the story of French film makers with Truffaut playing the director. It is a charming behind the scenes look at movie making.
2) Out Of Africa. Who doesn’t love Robert Redford and the luminous Meryl Streep? I also loved, loved, loved Klaus Maria Brandauer.
3) Airbud. Totally self-explanatory, of course. I did hate the part when the kid let the hero (Airbud) go.

Top Chef - "Silly, Pretentious and Weak"

And Tony was only getting started.

Top Chef on Bravo

I really didn’t want to get roped into the new Top Chef season, especially from the beginning. These reality shows always start with 50 people and you have to remember too many names and stories and then by the end of the first episode half of them have left anyway. I would rather get involved further down the road, but someone asked me if I was going to be watching and I decided to check it out.

I had just read an interview with Padma and Tom. I was happy to learn that the ONLY thing the judges judged on was the food. They see none of all the nonsense that go on behind the scenes. All the shenanigans are for our benefit and they in no way impinge upon the outcome. I thought I remembered Tom in the kitchen occasionally in past Top Chefs, looking at what was going on and how the kids work together? Maybe not.

Anyway, they started at Pizzerino Uno in Chicago which led to a rather obvious, I thought, deep dish pizza challenge. I think that’s just dumb. The ability to make a deep dish pizza in no way signifies what kind of chef you are. In fact, it might just go the other way. I HATE deep dish pizza. I think it goes against everything that pizza stands for. The crust is bready, doughy and heavy and the filling is just gloppy.

There seems to be a surfeit of chefs from San Francisco. Two of them turn out to be a couple – Jen and Zoi. That partially explains the geographic density from that area.

Tom and the radiant Padma arrive and instantly send them into the kitchen for the deep dish pizza Quickfire Challenge. They have 90 minutes.

The contestants didn’t have to make the dough, which I would have thought might have been a legitimate test of their skills, but, of course. there was no time.

Okay, this is why I didn’t want to start watching. I have no idea who anyone is. Can’t they wear nametags?

After much pausing and rewinding, this is what they made.

Dale has a lot of energy and verve. I like him. He also is a sous chef from Buddakan (in New York, not Phillie), so I really liked him. His pizza: Sausage, pickled kohlrabi, scallions and sriracha sauce.

Valerie, nice Chicago girl: meat and potatoes pizza.

Manuel, a little full of himself. “Classically trained.” Eh! Who isn’t? Pizza with sopressata and rapini a la Siciliana.

Nikki, a nice New York girl, who doesn’t like deep dish pizza. You go girl! White pie with comté, ricotta and pecorino cheeses and mushrooms.

Mark is a Kiwi. He's really proud of himself for bringing Marmite. Doesn’t he know that Yankees think that’s really nasty? Pizza with chicken, zucchini and marmite “molasses”. Who calls it THAT?

Antonia, slightly brazen Italian. I like her chances. Pizza: burrata cheese, prosciutto, arugula and heirloom tomatoes.

Richard made peach taleggio pizza with sweet tea sauce. I don’t know what that means.

“Spike” or Evangelos, Greek and cocky, but I bet he can cook. Pizza a la Grec: onions, feta cheese, olives and sausage.

Lisa from New York. Pizza with Asian BBQ sauce, and duck. AWESOME! I like the sound of that.

One of them, don’t ask me which one, doesn’t grab a pizza pan fast enough and so he had to make his deep dish pizza in a cast iron frying pan. I think that is a good idea. Various pies get unmolded pretty badly, but it turns out not to matter, because they only have to present 2 single slices.

More pies and contestants are introduced during the actual judging.

Stephanie, Pizza with melon tomato sauce (no, thank you) prosciutto, olives and arugula.

Ryan, pizza with escarole, ricotta salata and butternut squash.

Andrew, pizza with smoked marinara (interesting), prosciutto, onion and cheese.

Jennifer, Harvest Pizza, with grape, bacon, fontina and rosemary. My favorite by a mile. I LOVE her choice of ingredients.

Nimma, Hunter Style Pizza with mushrooms, onions and stracchio cheese. Yuck. Looked bad and the judge said “missing salt”.

Please don’t ask me which pizzas Erik and Zoi made. I completely lost track…

The contestants bring their pizzas to this big house, which they think is the house of the judge. The guest judge turns out to be Rocco DiSpirito. Rocco is not one of my favorites, but he does seem a bit more sincere these days. Maybe the former Mrs. Eddie Murphy is having a good effect on him.

And, by the way, don’t these chefs know anything? Rocco doesn’t live in Chicago. The house is, of course, the big gorgeous house that they’ll be living in while on Top Chef.

The results of the Quickfire:
The losers- Andrew, Steph, Manuel, Lisa, Nimma, Valerie, Nikki and Zoi.
The winners – Richard and Mark (they LIKED the marmite).

On second thought, is it possible that this challenge was a good idea because it gave them a blank canvas on which to work?

Then it's on to the elimination, which is so friggin’ complicated. Each non-losing chef picks one losing chef. The losing chefs pick a classical dish from a list that each has to make. So each individual in the pair cooks the same dish, with their own spin to it, as they compete against each other.

The last two to choose, Zoi and Erik (what is it with unconventional spelling…unless Erik is from Norway…) had to cook soufflés, which the whole crew was nervous about.

Richard and Andrew made crab cakes. Richard (with spiky hair, that’s how I remember him) was going to town adding all kinds of exciting elements. Smoked mayo? What is that and how is he going to do that? He pulls out a miniature electric(!) smoker and smokes the spice, ras el hanout, for the mayonnaise. THAT is wild.

Antonia and Nimma made shrimp scampi. Nimma’s a completely depressive personality. How can her food be happy? She’s marinating the shrimp in PARSLEY. Huh?

Ryan and Valerie do chicken picatta. Jen and Nikki have to make lasagna. Nikki is making her own pasta, including making it by a hand on a big board. That’s impressive, but is she crazy?

Mark and Steph’s dish was duck a l’orange.

Dale and Manuel: steak au poivre.

The judges enter… Tony!!! Yay! He is so charismatic. I want to see him bitchslap Rocco. They ARE sitting at opposite ends of the table. Darn, Tony’s on his best behavior today!

Mark loses to Stephanie in the duck battle, although the judges like both. Tony particularly liked Steph’s.

They like both renditions of crab cakes with the win going to Richard. Too bad, Andrew.

Spike and Lisa’s Eggs Benedict go over well. Because they HAD to pick a winner, it was Lisa.

Valerie beats Ryan by a hair, with neither of them satisfying the judges with their knowledge of Chicken Picatta.

Zoi beats Erik in the weird name spelling category as well as with the soufflé. Neither of theirs resembles a classic soufflé. The judges are very unforgiving. Rightly so, most people know NOT to add potatoes TO a soufflé, as Erik did.

Dale beats Manuel. The judges didn’t care about his Mexican spin to the dish.

Antonia beats Nimma, which wouldn’t have been hard. I don’t know if Nimma was overcompensating for the lack of salt in the pizza, (NOONE mentioned that, strangely), but her shrimp scampi was inedible. Okay, if she doesn’t go home, this whole show is a sham. Her pizza was bad, her shrimp couldn’t be eaten, what part of that says she deserves to stay in the competition?

Goodness, just listen to me. I hate competitions. I want everyone to win. I think they should turn off the clocks, give them an unlimited budget and days to wander around a farmer’s market and then see what they can do. This is like believing that the SAT measures future success. The only thing it measures is how well you take a test, THAT test. Sorry…back to…

Nikki and Jennifer. The judges liked both lasagnas. But, for some inexplicable reason, Jennifer didn’t cook the rutabaga (WHY, Jenn, WHY?) The fact that Nikki made her own pasta was very impressive, so she walked away with the win.

The chefs face the judges. This really is so queer. They look like a firing squad (if they weren’t sitting). And the overall winner is…Stephanie, a loser in the Quickfire round, but her duck reigned supreme.

The overall losers were Ryan, Erik, Nimma and Mark. Rocco knocked Erik for the strange addition of potatoes to his soufflé. Erik said, “I made glorified nachos. I’m not proud of it.” Tony was amused.

Nimma made excuses, “The plastic wrap wasn’t as tight as I usually have it.”?!!?! That doesn’t excuse making it so salty it could barely be tasted. Tony was being kind when he said, “It was a weak dish.”

Mark’s duck was “silly and pretentious” to Tony. And Ryan’s dish was not only improperly made, Rocco called him dense (to the other judges).

Okay, there’s no question. It should be Nimma to go home. And it’s…Nimma. “Please pack your knives and go.” Isn’t there a more gracious way of saying it?

Nimma’s upset because now “no one will know I’m a very good cook.” I looked at her bio on the Bravo website. SHE went to the CIA? It really didn’t show. This is her interview video. She’s positively gorgeous, but not particularly fascinating talking about food.

I dunno, it was pretty good show. I didn’t want to commit, but now I may have to. I wish they’d get rid of 7 or 8 of them quickly, so we could cut to the chase much faster. This thing isn’t actually 16 weeks long is it? Oy!

A year ago today...The Contessa Goes Fearless and French